Concerto in D Minor
by Mikanis
Summary: Sequel to Violins, Light. When Light regains his Memories, The Game is born. How can L keep himself from playing when the young genius at his side plays so very well? How long until one or both fall, tripped up by their own rules in this battle of Pride?
1. Overture

AN- Alright, loves, here we go. First off, let me start by saying that this story is gonna shoot it's predecessor down in terms of drama. For those just joining, that's fine, but I wish you'd read Violins, Light, first. You might be able to keep up without it, I dunno. But this one is not a comedy. It's going to be fairly intense and I hope to double my word count. Chapters will be longer than this, this is just setting the tone. I must state that I am extending the notorious time frame between Higuchi's capture and L's death somewhat accommodate this story.

Ladies and Gents, this is Mikanis writing seriously...I do so hope that you can see the difference. (bows.)

Disclaimer: Will never own Deathnote, nor do I really desire to.

Step Lightly, Mikanis

-

"Stop looking at me, Yagami-kun." L pretended not to hear the wounded retort. If the young man covertly stared at him any longer, his next glance would find L's heel on collision-course with Light's temple. The chain was off, gone for two days now, and he was surprised that he felt more vulnerable when he_ wasn't_ chained to the young murderer. He'd thought that after sharing a bed with Kira…months of eating, sleeping, breathing in his presence…He'd thought freedom would be a relief.

Instead, it only led to the worst paranoia the detective had ever known.

And that was saying something.

"We've already caught one Kira, L. I thought you'd cheer up a little."

"We didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"We didn't catch a Kira. We caught a man using Kira's power. Higuchi didn't earn the name."

"Don't make it a title, Ryuuzaki." So he was back to the pseudonym…Light was annoyed.

L didn't care.

"You misunderstood me. I regard the name much like I would a stray dog that wouldn't leave my street…you give it a name so that you know who you're kicking."

Not that L would ever kick a dog…but Light was in full-kira mode now, and the remark bit deeply. He hated disrespect.

L was at a loss on how to treat this new side of Light…he didn't regard it as a separate personality, more…a role. Light was playing Kira, and Light Yagami at the same time. While that spoke of identity crisis, L couldn't bring himself to regard them as separate people. After all, Light was perfectly aware of his actions. He knew what he was doing, more so than any average person could ever know. He was a genius. L sighed…it was ironic that Light's brilliance only made him a better criminal. Of course it did though, if not, L would have caught him within a month.

L bit off a piece of his rock-candy. He'd been self-medicating the last few days, taking sugar in its most crude forms…rock candy, sugar cubes, icing, and honey…Twinkies…

Americans were evil.

There was a God of Death in the room with him. L was surprised no one had started asking the forbidden questions yet…they all seem half-scared of it. Except L himself…and Light, he supposed. Still, he couldn't convince himself that Light kept glancing at the reaper solely out of nerves. There was something there…there was always something there.

The expression Light wore fit him like a mask that was too small. There were hard edges, solid stone where it hadn't been before. He looked older, haunted.

L hoped he'd start having nightmares now.

The thought made him paused briefly, and he bit down again, crushing more sugar into his mouth and bloodstream. He didn't like wishing things like that about his friend, truly he didn't, but it was necessary. If he didn't begin to detach himself, things would go horribly wrong. It was bad enough to know that he'd sign the witness register the day Light Yagami got his injection…but he fully intended to be there.

To do that, he had to survive this case. To do that…he had to survive Light Yagami.

L thought back to his violin…hidden away from both himself and Light for now. He wasn't sure how much Light would change now that he'd taken up his Kira mantle again…but he wouldn't let it destroy the only gift the murderer had ever given. He also didn't trust himself…right now, he wanted nothing more than to be away from Light and anything to do with him. The removal of the cuffs was almost a mockery.

Light was still staying in the same room. The Detective hadn't thought that the case would still be open when the cuffs finally came off, and hadn't prepared for it. At least not with the security standards that he planned to impose on the boy. There was no third suite, and while Misa was no longer staying in the building, Light couldn't sleep in her room either. L had not yet it searched it for any trace of evidence. Until Watari found the time to prepare another suite (roughly a week to have the necessary security measures installed and integrated into the current system), Light was stuck with L. L wasn't comfortable with that anymore. In one of his 'Light-moments', as L was beginning to call them, he'd laughed at the detective for his new apprehension. L had taken an hour to very carefully and very painfully explain the reasons. Light was seething by the time he'd finished.

He wanted to play…right now he wished nothing more than to have his fingers on the strings, to play so loudly that the team couldn't hear themselves think. He wanted to play until he himself could no longer think. He wanted to play so that just for a moment, Kira, and Light, and death gods, and even murder didn't exist.

Upon returning from the capture, however, he'd realized that he'd never be able to play that violin while Light Yagami lived. He'd never be able to play in the shadow of Kira. He'd stood there, staring down at that divine, that sacrilegiously beautiful violin, for almost an hour. Light had finally looked up and asked him if he was going to play or not. He'd snapped…something that a few hours earlier might have implied a headache, and now implied dozens of things that it shouldn't have. L had looked up at him, seen his face, seen that guarded look in his eyes…and he'd wanted to cut the strings and burn it. Those eyes inspired a rage in him that nothing else did.

Kira's gift, it was Kira's mockery.

He couldn't help but think it, even though he knew that the violin was given to him by whatever innocence still resided in Light's heart. Though it was Light's hands that had given it to him…it would be Kira's eyes that watched him play.

L couldn't stand the thought of it.

The idea drove all the expected relief from the notion of playing. It robbed him of his desire to touch the bow, to even stroke the case. It was like letting Kira touch him, letting the murderer hold his hand. He'd kept the ribbon. He'd tied it to his bed post, the one reminder of the real Light that he allowed himself to keep.

If he tore the ribbon to shreds in one of his rants, then at least he could replace it. That violin was Light's guilt embodied…and that was priceless. That was worth more than a signed confession from Light in L's hand, that was worth more to him than even the death of Kira. It showed that somewhere, somehow, Light Yagami was a human being. It showed that he felt the same things that other people did, that he was capable of existing as a real person, not the various masks he put up. It showed that underneath the masks, there was real face.

L supposed in a way that he was mocking him in return.

Light was staring at him again.

"Yagami-kun, you should be working."

"I am."

"You're lying. I slaved your computer ten minutes ago…you haven't had control to work with. Now, read the report I put up for you."

Light glanced at his screen and sighed to himself. L couldn't stand it when the teen looked at him anymore.


	2. Stress

Okay...Here there is Bickering. I'm changing the rating because of this chapter because...um...Lotsa bad language. Lots and lots. Ye be warned. Worth it I think...maybe... This is the longest chapter I've written sitting nice right at 1900 words...I'm working on it. I'm a snapshot writer, so longer chapters are difficult for me.

Next chapter will be up tomorrow, I just haven't written the fight scene yet. And yes...you get a fight scene...a real one. By the by, Keep in mind that When he calls him Light here, he's not being friendly about it...that's him starting to go back to his english habits because he's uber stressed.

Step Lightly,

Mikanis

-

-Two hours later-

Silence fell thicker than any snow in the world, and just as cold. The remark hung like a scythe in the air between the two geniuses. The team froze, though none had the nerve to actually look at the pair just yet…really, things were getting out of hand. Matsuda set his coffee down, watching Soichiro carefully. He knew the path the two detectives were headed down, and he was prepared to pull the elder man from between them should they feel the need to start fighting. Instead, L broke the silence.

"Gentlemen, I'm afraid that Light and I have something to discuss. We'll return later."

The detective got up and began walking towards the door, obviously expecting the younger to follow. He didn't. The chains were off, and it was obvious that Light was taking every measure he could with his new freedom. L paused by the door and looked back at him. Light hid his smirk behind his hand, leaning back in his chair as he returned the look. It had to be the tensest moment in the investigation room since they first returned trailing a God of Death. Said God of Death, Rem, as she called herself, was hovering just over the shoulder of the Chief Inspector.

Another long moment passed. Finally, L's lips curled into an odd little smile.

"Still playing your game I see."

Light visibly flinched. Matsuda was the only man brave enough to actually be watching the pair of them, Death God aside. He had no clue what had just passed between the two of them, but it was bad. The rest of the team concentrated on the papers scattered over the long table they'd brought in, Aizawa reading the same paragraph over and over again, Mogi violently turning pages without reading at all…

Light finally stood. L gave a satisfied grunt and disappeared through the door. If the door had hinges, Light might have slammed it, but instead it slid shut with a tiny click. It was somehow more infuriating.

He followed the detective up the stairs.

XXXX

"You seem to have convinced yourself that I'm Kira again." They were hardly in the door before Light opened his mouth, removing his suit jacket and throwing it on the bed.

"That would require me losing my doubts in the first place, Yagami-kun." L leaned in the bathroom doorway, watching him with an unreadable expression as he began pacing. Light hated when he watched him like this.

"Why? How? You've never left my side, you _watched me_ deal with this case, with Higuchi and his notebook…"

"That doesn't matter."

"The HELL it doesn't! You know better!" Light paused to glare at him briefly before his pacing resumed. L spoke tonelessly, his voice revealing nothing either…It was frustrating, to not know what he was thinking…

"And because you were irritated, you felt the need to comment on my status as an Orphan?"

"I can't think of any other reason you'd define 'friend' the way you do!"

"My parents are dead, Yagami..." Light paused, looking at him…L was telling him something? Could he use this…no…no, even if they were alive, L would never tell his Kira suspect otherwise. The pacing resumed.

"It's hardly their fault they couldn't be there to take care of me."

"Well, Watari did an outstanding fucking job, lemme tell you."

"Leave him out of this." L came off the doorframe, eyes hardening.

"No, I won't. I'll do whatever I have to, to get you talking again! Christ L, you haven't said a civil word to me since I broke Yotsuba!" Light ran a hand through his hair, playing his role to perfection…the irritated, estranged friend…a friend suddenly abandoned and…

"You're awful quick to take full credit for that, and I've been nothing but civil."

"You know what I mean."

"Better than you do. I've been civil, Yagami, but I haven't been friendly."

"I…what?" The façade dropped completely as he forced himself to keep moving, the urge to pace suddenly becoming real.

"That's what you're upset about…I'm not proud of you, like everyone else is, I don't kiss the ground you walk on, you have absolutely no control over what I think and say, and it drives you insane." L tipped a hand off his temple. "Elementary."

Light recognized the Sherlock quote, and guessed L thought himself clever for it…either way it achieved its goal…Light felt stupid. "I don't…"

" I can't stand you." Light mouth fell open as he rounded on the detective, but the man was already talking, still saying it.

"I cannot stand you, Light Yagami. You're a spoiled pig of a child, and you'll never ever change. The only reason you're pissed is that I'm not catering to you like everyone else does."

"What is your PROBLEM, L?" He hadn't meant to yell, but the detective seemed more than willing to reciprocate. L shoved him back, into the desk, and raised his voice for the second time Light had ever heard.

"YOU! YOU'RE MY FUCKING PROBLEM, YAGAMI! I can't _tolerate_ you; I can't even _look_ at you anymore! You're my only friend, and I'm sick of you! I'm sick of Kira, I'm sick of this case, and I'm fucking sick of Japan! I'm ready for all of this to just be OVER."

"Why do you think I'm Kira?" Light picked himself up, heart pounding in his ears now. "Why do you want me to be Kira so badly, L? I'm starting to think that the Greatest Detective in the Whole Damn World is a bit biased, what do you say?"

L watched as he reached down and unbuttoned his sleeve-cuffs.

"No, Light."

"Can you even tell me why? Do you even fucking know anymore? You sound like a broken record and you don't even know why. How sad is that…" He rolled his sleeves up.

"Light, I don't want to do this."

"The Hell you don't. You've wanted to beat the fuck out of me ever since Higuchi collapsed on the street, and you know it."

"I won't fight you."

"You want to."

"I won't."

"Bull."

L turned away from him, slipping back into English, another first.

"**Damn it, Yagami…"**

"**I can still hear you. Don't walk away from me."**

"That's exactly what I'm doing, and it's called 'Being the Bigger Man'. You're entirely too willing to come to blows."

"And you're entirely too willing to believe that I'm Kira! What have I done that's gotten you so convinced?!"

"Do you think I'm blind?" L whirled him, and suddenly Light was the one backing up.

"Do you think I'm fucking blind? I can SEE it on you, I can see the way you're thinking, I can see the way you're fucking scheming, just there behind your eyes." Light looked away, and L snapped his face back by the chin, his nails digging into the boy's jaw.

"Oh no, you've been staring at me all day, but you can't face me now? What is it Light, have I hit something sore?!" He threw him away. He landed on the floor between the desk and the bed, and stayed there. "You can't do it can you? Look me in the eye and tell me that you haven't considered killing me today? DO IT, Light! You wanted to be my friend, so stop LYING to me!"

Light…couldn't look at him…not at first. He started with his chin and worked his way up…lips, nose…eyes. L gave a defeated sigh and sat on the bed. His hands came to rub his temples…

"Nevermind…stop."

"What? Are you mad that I can actually do it?" Light spat as he tried to sit up.

"You look at me, but you don't see me anymore. When you broke my violin…when you gave me the new one…You were looking at me then. Light Yagami was in those eyes."

"I still am."

"No…they're guarded now…completely shut off." L sighed heavily, laying back until all Light could see were the knees and calves hanging over the edge. "It's like you're a completely different person."

"Why do you think I'm Kira?"

"Things…fit. Pieces come together now that I know the method, the Death Gods, are real…All I need is evidence."

"You have plenty of evidence, L…It's just not evidence you want it to be."

"That doesn't mean that the kind I want doesn't exist." Light stood up. L looked utterly dejected…the picture of a morbid depression. It made Light's insides leap in satisfaction…let the bastard suffer. He deserved this and much worse…

"**Light."**

"**What?"**

"**You think loudly."** Light gave a wry smile.

"**Light."**

"**Yes?"**

"**Stop looking at me."**

"**Make me."**

"**I'm not going to fight you."**

"**I think you will…I think you want to very badly."**

"**You really think that's going to solve the problem?"**

"**No…but it'll keep the problem from fucking with our heads for a while."** L rolled his eyes and went back to Japanese.

"Kira."

"Orphan." L glared at him.

"Light…"

"Ryuuzaki…" Light drawled it, spreading it arms. "Kick me."

"No."

"You're really starting to piss me off."

"I'm enjoying it, I assure you." Light sighed, leaning forward and lifting the detective up to eye level by the shirt. There was a tense moment of silence before Light's fist connected with L's ear, and L's knee drove itself up into Light's groin. Light dropped him, his entire body locking up as he fell to lean on the desk.

"Ow." L remarked from the bed.

"You…son of a…"

"I cannot hear you, Yagami-kun, my ears are ringing." Light crawled onto the bed next to detective and lay there for a moment, trying to regain his breath. L's head turned to look at him.

"I told you I would not fight you."

"Oh, I hate you right now…I absolutely hate you…"

"I'm afraid I still cannot hear you clearly, you'll have to hold your insults for a moment."

They were quiet for a long moment. Slowly, Light's breath returned to him, and he managed to uncurl his body. He was still hurting…he'd likely be feeling it two days from now…but he was still angry. They both lay there, staring at the ceiling like the answers to their problems were hidden in the white.

Light didn't know what to do. He knew that he had to kill L, and he really wasn't all that concerned with it. He really didn't like the detective. For some reason…he was ashamed of it, though. For a brief moment, he wondered if he'd feel…_Guilty_ for killing the detective. No, he couldn't…he was doing the right thing. He had a job to do, there were a great number of people already chanting Kira's name. He was on his way to being a god.

Why then, was he unable to look at the detective? It had to be something else…perhaps left over guilt from the violin. Yes, that had to be it…why else would the 'game' remark have bitten so deeply?

L didn't know what to do. He hadn't expected detachment to be this difficult…but then again, he'd never had a friend before. Perhaps he was just learning. He thought he might have found something he didn't like learning though…

"Oh, why bother? I won't be able to concentrate anyway." He rolled onto Light's chest and slapped him. Light blinked up at him for moment.

"…About fucking time!"


	3. Fighting

AN- I'm sorry this is so short, and Late too. Things got really busy around here, and I couldn't write anything! Frustrating! -rawr-

Here you have the fist-fights, have fun. I don't know when I'll be able to write again, but I've already got the next two chapters or so in my head. I have no time, gotta run.

-Kani

Light could feel the outline of the handprint on his face, lined with fire. It infuriated him, and for a moment, he forgot to gloat that he'd convinced the detective to fight him. Then, in the second of silence after, his victory dawned on him, and he grinned.

"…About fucking time!" He rolled, trying to pin the man beneath him and got a stunning elbow to the chin. Stars flashed red in his vision, and he dimly realized that the man beneath him wasn't much smaller than Light at all. He was slimmer, yes, lacking in the raw muscle that Light possessed, but he was built along the same lines. His shoulders when flattened, were almost as broad as Light's, and if he stood up straight, he might even have been taller. It was…startling, to realize that this person he'd been working, fighting, _living_ with, was his physical match and he'd never known it. After months of close quarters, Light was astounded at how well the detective hid his physique. He supposed anything could be hidden with a strong enough will…Kira was proof of that.

He shook his head, clearing his sight, and drove his fist downward without really aiming. L managed to pull his head to the side and the blow only drug Light's knuckles across his ear painfully. He struck the inside of the boy's arm, unlocking the elbow, and managed to get his leg up while Light struggled to regain his support. Planting a foot square in the boy's chest, he shoved him back, off the bed. Light grabbed his ankle and held on.

_Snap._ L's knee popped.

L froze as his leg immediately locked itself and pain washed from the abused joint. He didn't often extend his legs, and the built up pressure finally caught up with him. Light still had a grip on his ankle and gave it a merciless twist. L stifled a cry of pain and kicked with his other leg, knocking Light to his back and rapping his head on the sharply on the carpet.

Light still didn't let go.

L found himself drug to the edge of the bed and off of it, but the stiff ache was subsiding finally. He felt the uncomfortable pin-and-needles of his muscles relaxing and tried to shake himself out of the death grip Light placed on his ankle. Light just stumbled backwards, kicking across the floor, refusing to let the detective regain his balance. He'd heard the sound, no…the_ whimper_ that L had made and it thrilled him. He wanted to drag it from him again, and that was the only thought in his mind at the moment. He threw himself forward, trying to find a securely dominant position, and cursed when his grip broke and his hand slid up the pants leg of L's jeans. His fingers slid across smooth, warm skin, and then paused. His hand rested on the swell of the detective's calf, but the skin felt…like scar tissue? His momentum carried him forward, but the fabric bunched around his arm and stopped it. Just in time for another well placed kick to the face. Light's eyes watered as it struck the left side of his face and rolled him onto his back. The detective rolled onto his hips and drew back again. His eye was swelling shut involuntarily, but he had just enough time to throw his arms up and stop the punch the detective had intended to follow through with.

"You have a scar?"

"We've been living together for three months and you just now found it? Perhaps I overestimated your observation skills." Light kneed him in the back and shoved him off.

"Sorry, I don't have the benefit of a shower-camera to study you with!" He drove his heel into the detective's thigh, trying to tire his legs out with sheer impact-trauma.

"You say that as if you want one." L winced, but he'd didn't make the sound again.

"You say that as if you're gay and hopeful."

"Arrogant prick." L lunged forward and grabbed his tie, forcing the teen's face around.

"Spoiled Brat." His head whipped to side again with the force of the punch, and blood filled his mouth. Skinny bastard was strong...

"Hypocrite."

"Pervert!"

Light threw himself forward as the detective reared back again, knocking him off balance and into the wall behind. L's vision exploded into stars as his head cracked against the wall. Light hit him again, and that sound, that glorious little whimper, came when he ripped the slack hand holding his tie away from his throat.

"Pervert, pervert, PERVERT!" He stood up and threw L to desk, pinning him there with an arm under his chin. He drove his fist into the detective's stomach, repaying him for a similar treatment the day L woke him up for a fight.

L felt the edge of the desk dig into his shoulder blades and winced. His head was still spinning, and the logical side of him said that they needed to stop because he may have a concussion.

He told his logical side to shut up for a little while. Light was still punching him, beating his stomach and chest with blows, and if he kept it up much longer, L would pass out. It was getting difficult to breathe already.

"Like…you…nngh, CARE." Light paused, and L continued, breathless. "You're so damn vain, Yagami…you WANT people to notice. You want them to… stare, to know how great you are…be it mental or physical, you don't…care, as long as you're noticed."

"What are you talking about?" L kneed him in the gut and caught himself on Light's shoulder as he fell forward.

"L do you know…Gods of death… love apples." Light opened his mouth to reply before he realized that L was still trying to speak and he couldn't breathe anyway. L lifted his forehead from Light's shoulder where they both stood hunched over their respective aches.

"If…you win…I'll tell you about my…scar." Light raised an eyebrow at this, because if he won, then L would be dead.

_He meant the fight, you idiot._

Light fell back on the bed, holding his bruising stomach and letting his mind race. He might just be able to use that…just might…depending on how much detail the detective put into his explanation. From under the curtain of his hair, L smiled suddenly.

"Game over."

"Wha-?" It went unfinished as L fisted a hand in his hair and drove his knee into the younger man's chin. This time, stars bloomed, and blackness followed as Light fell unconscious…

L sat next to him, still trying to smooth his breathing over. He was getting lightheaded, and knew they'd both wake with splitting headaches.

He realized as he fell back and drifted to sleep that he felt better. He hated it when Light was right…


	4. Scars

AN- Well, this is the longest Chapter I've written so far. A bit of L's history here...not a happy chapter. The history of the scar, and also, I further explained my view of the whole Light-kira thing. I hope it makes sense to you, if not, just write me and I'll explain it as best I can. Also, you might want to read "White" from my truth series...that explains my views on Wammy House and why L was able to work such a case at that young age. I'll post the relevant parts at the bottom for those who don't want to. Again, Reviews and Criticisms welcome...for this chapter especially. I'm getting back into my serious writing now, and I'd like to know how it's being recieved.

Step Lightly,

Kani

Scars

Light woke and couldn't open his eyes. He knew that the left was at least slightly swollen, but what really blinded him was the pain sitting just behind his eyes. Really, he couldn't for the life of him understand adrenaline junkies…it was worse than caffeine in so many ways.

His mouth tasted horrible…absolutely horrible. The usually sweet tang of blood didn't sit well on his tongue. Very carefully, he searched his mouth for injuries, assessing the damage. He'd split the inside of his cheek and nicked his tongue when the detective kneed him. He was damn lucky he had, or he might have cracked a tooth with that blow. He ached…everywhere. L was strong, for all his frail appearance. It still shocked him to know they were so close in build, after he'd assumed that the man was weak.

He dimly realized the shower was running, and cracked an eye into the unforgiving light. The shock of pain that started in his head and sent tremors down his spine made him groan. Light hated headaches. He loathed them…headaches and toothaches were the worst kinds of pain in his opinion. It was pain you couldn't detach from, couldn't ignore.

L's scar came unbidden to his memory, and Light frowned. He was in no way fascinated with the detective's body, and so it was possible that he really hadn't seen it. Still, it galled him to know that he'd missed something so…obvious, after months of sitting not two feet from the man as he dressed. He gathered his strength and managed to roll onto his stomach to stare across the bed at the closed door. Ibuprofen…medicine cabinet…excuse. He nodded to himself and shakily climbed to his feet. He winced in the suddenly too-bright light and stumbled to the door.

L had already pillaged the medicine cabinet. It was obvious he shared Light's abhorrence of head pain because every possible pain-reliever was scattered to the winds, some bottles even rolling away from his feet as he entered. Light picked up the only open bottle, the one with the highest milligram count, and sighed. Half the contents lay dashed across the counter, next to an empty teacup with half an inch of sugar still lying at the bottom. A wry smile came to his lips as he surveyed the rest of carnage, and he couldn't help but think that the detective was so predictable sometimes. There was water splashed across the sink, the sweet toothpaste lay open on its side, and L's toothbrush lay discarded by the drain, evidence of a violent brushing. Apparently, Light had drawn blood too.

From the sink there lay a trail of L's clothes to the shower, and an upended stack of towels lay fallen from the shelf above the toilet. He could dimly see L's outline through the frosted glass. He was washing his hair. Light turned back to the sink and gathered up the spilled medication, setting a few pills aside for himself. He grabbed a rag from the drawer and cleaned up the spilled water before brushing the foul taste from his own mouth and capping both containers of tooth paste. He rinsed out the teacup and filled it with tap water so he could take his pills. A nap sounded good.

XXXX

L stepped out of the shower and immediately knew that Light had come into the bathroom. The chaos he'd made had been somewhat tidied, as the teen was wont to do when he made a mess. He toweled his hair and then gently tried to dry the rest of his body. It was slow going, and very painful…new bruises were already forming. L knew he bruised easily, and healed just as fast, but some of the vicious marks were warranted. His stomach was especially tender.

While in the shower, he had been pondering whether he should tell Light about his scar or not. All in all, there wasn't really a point to it…he supposed it would depend on who he was talking to. If Light was being himself, then L wouldn't have a problem with it. If he was playing Kira though…well, L was loathe to tell "Kira" anything. He could see the way "Kira" took every piece of information he gave him and calculated it into his "God Scheme". Much like L took everything Light said and compared it to Kira, Kira-Light would take everything L said and compare it to his plans for the future, L's death being his next goal. L began to understand what it was like to be under that constant scrutiny, and he now understood Light's terrible temper with him. L didn't like to be studied either.

When he stopped to think about it though, it didn't really matter "who" he spoke to, because Light's outstanding memory would just record his entire explanation anyway, and give him something to ponder when he was playing Kira. And anyway…one of them would die soon. If Kira managed to kill him, then L found he wouldn't mind so much. Of course, he'd be enraged that the mass murderer beat him and was still walking free when he was put in the ground, but…he wouldn't find it as personally insulting as he originally thought. Kira was a worthy opponent, and this war was by far his most challenging. He hated to lose, but he loved a good fight even more. Besides…Kira wouldn't last forever…he couldn't. Light's "perfect world" would crumble the second he died, and Kira disappeared. Ideals are frail things, and hard to pass along intact. Anyone he trained would eventually deviate, and fail.

Not that L intended to lose.

There really wasn't much Light could do with the story, and if L told it right, than Light wouldn't be able to puzzle out those scraps for a long time. In fact, if he was curious enough, telling Light how he came by the scar might distract him enough to actually buy L time. He certainly needed it. It was a slim chance, but after all…the worst that could happen would be Light knowing that he spent some time in Italy as a child. Not terrible at all…and in truth he felt rather bad for ending the fight so poorly.

XXXX

"Yagami-kun?" Light cautiously opened his eyes and glanced at the bathroom door. L stood there with a towel around his hips. The damnable guilt attacked him the second his eyes fell upon the man, sending another wracking pain through his not-quite-gone headache. Really, this was getting ridiculous. He planned to kill this man, but the sight of the bruises he'd caused made him feel bad? Pathetic.

"Yes?" Light closed his eyes again.

"You wished to see my scar?" Light was suddenly wide awake. He stared hard at the detective, following the same logic patterns L himself had earlier. Sighing, he realized that any information he gleaned from this would be minimal and of little use to him. L was too cautious to do anything less. Damn his curiosity.

"If you don't mind…" L shook his head. He opened the towel a few inches over his hip, exposing the line of his leg. Light had to sit up and look hard to see it. It was old and faint, but long. A thin red line ran from a few inches below the curve of his hip down his thigh and fanned out just below the knee. It became white, more like a burn than a cut, and flared over the top of the detective's calf at the back of the knee. The burned section was about the size of Light's palm. It was light, small, and almost graceful, and Light forgave himself for not noticing. If the detective could hide his physical build so well, then hiding that scar was nothing. He chuckled inwardly…the man couldn't do anything without flair…even his scars were quietly dramatic.

"What happened?" L could practically hear Light internal dialogue as he slipped into his Kira role. _And now look away, like you don't know if that's too bold…drop your eyes a bit, knit you brow, worried you've crossed a line. Good, now glance back at him, questioning, hopeful…_. It made L sick to watch, but Light was a brilliant actor. So, he'd be talking to Kira. He sighed and waved him off.

"Go take your shower…I'll talk to you as I dress." Light nodded and got up to get his clothes. L spoke quietly as Light gathered his things, fixing his towel to hang on its own so he could cross his arms.

"We called him Carnie. He was serial killer working in central Italy. I took the case as Deneuve, and followed him for a year." Light went into the bathroom and left the door cracked.

"What kind of Killer was he?" He asked as he unbuttoned his shirt. L paused in the other room, and Light could just see him rolling his eyes to the ceiling as he considered the question.

"Intelligent…a hunter." L pulled his shirt out and opened the next drawer for his jeans. "There were a few things that gave him that nickname…"

"Like what?" Light stepped into the shower and started the water. "Hold on, I can't hear you over the water."

L slipped his clothes on and stepped into the bathroom. "Is this better?"

"Ah…um…I suppose it has to be. Just…stay over there." L leaned on the sink…

"He stalked children. He followed traveling carnivals around, hunting children between the ages of four and seven." L thought he could hear Light growling under the water. "He was also a cannibal…and a retired mortician. He used to do autopsies for the New German police before he was discovered butchering the bodies of John Does after their cases were closed."

"That's…sick."

"You never met the man." L shifted to actually sit on the counter top, drawing his knees up. "He was the cleanest person I'd ever seen in my life…big white beard, like the St. Nicholas of Christian people. Snow white hair, big smile, bright green eyes…."

"Hold on, you _met_ him?"

"Yes. I became intimately acquainted with him as I worked the case."

"Wait…how old were you?"

"Nine." L saw Light turn to stare through the glass from the corner of his eye.

"You've been doing this work for that long?"

"Obviously. Anyway, I wanted to meet him…so I set myself up to be captured, and in turn be tracked so that he could be arrested. He…preferred dark haired children, and there hadn't been much money invested in me yet. I'd yet to prove myself as a detective. So, I went to the fair alone…my language skills were poorly developed at that point, and while I could speak Italian, I couldn't hide my accent. He spotted me immediately, and thought that I was foreign, and therefore untraceable."

"So he just snatched children from the fair? I thought you said he was intelligent?"

"If you want to know the rest, you will not interrupt me again." Light fell silent and began to wash his hair. "He was intelligent…he was also arrogant. He was the son of a well known Nazi soldier…the end of the war drove him from Germany in shame. He was a lover of art and music, and as most serial killers do, he fell into a pattern. He'd always take three children. He'd hold them for ten days, torture them, choose his favorite, and then release the other two. The third, he'd torture for another three days before killing and eating them.

He considered himself an artist. He found his own works fascinating…beautiful. We…They were called Kittens while in confinement. I worked the case for a year…and roughly every two months, I interviewed three terrified mothers and had to inform them that at least one of their children was not coming home. At least one. Before I came, none of them made it.

Carnie was…a practiced killer. He was skilled in his work as a mortician, and a forensics expert of his time. It made it hard to track him. He was clever...and sadistic. He fashioned himself a mark. It was signature that he put on all of his victims. This scar of mine…resembles a white carnation. Because of his profession, Carnie was skilled with the ways of human flesh. He knew how cut, how to scar without damaging the muscle permanently. The stem of the flower was done with a scalpel and a hunting knife…a pencil, followed by the heavy stroke of a brush. The blossom was 'hand painted' with a red-hot rod of iron, the size of a pencil, held in tongs. It almost resembled a tiny, flattened spoon…the flat disc at the tip heated faster, and he used it like a brush. Painted a scar into our legs, branded us. All three children were subjected to this treatment, one at a time, and were forced to watch the others being performed. We were treated with salt water to ensure scarring and kept clean to avoid infection. His favorite…was the one who screamed most clearly. He…called it singing.

When he was…done, with the children, he'd hide them. He'd dig up graves in the village of his choice when he tired of two Kittens. He buried them in the coffin with the corpse, a bottle of water, and a pipeline to the air above. The third…well…

There would be the corpse of a child, one that died years ago, found in the village square…some child from the family graveyard that he'd dug up, and hung from a light, or thrown into the well. In that child's grave, would be the left leg of the final Kitten. Nothing else…just the branded leg. At first, no one thought to look for the other two. We eventually realized that they were buried elsewhere in the cemetery.

Forty seven children became Kittens before he was finally captured." L glanced at the shower to see Light staring at his form through the glass…the light casting shadows over his eyes.

"He was captured shortly after I was branded…and shot on the way to his trial."

"You were nine?"

"Yes."

"And He thought you were…"

"Seven."

"And he…"

"Yes. And the next day, I started my violin lessons."

For the first time…Kira himself was speechless. L just shut the door on his way out.

AN- This is from Truth Series, Chapter Seven, White.

"In Wammy house, the moment you step through the door, your name is erased from history. You are given an alias, an avatar, and the best training the world can offer, in whatever your chosen field is. At first, I found this intriguingly cruel…to take names from children who are not even sure what they mean yet.

One rule in Wammy house…you choose when you become an adult. Yes there are limitations, but each case is handled individually to assure that all necessary skills and resources are met. This is hard…hard on us, the children. But, once you make the decision, it is made. You are subjected to adult-level training in all aspects of your field, and expected to keep up with it. The decision is never made lightly…except, perhaps…by an angry Mello."

In my DN world, L made The Decision at age seven or so, barely six months after he made it into Wammy house.


	5. 20 Seconds

AN- This entire chapter was inspired by two lines of the song "Let Go" by Static Lullaby.

_"You can't wait, you close your eyes,_

_You've twenty seconds to comply..._"

Um...Yeah. O.o Longest Chapter yet, and the first hint of tension between the boys. Muahaha

-Kani

XXXX

Light exited the bathroom to find L at the desk, his laptop resting in the blank area near one end. The tower was on and its monitor hummed quietly, obviously awaiting an occupant. He glanced at the clock and realized that they'd slept until almost six, and that L must have dismissed the team already. L must have been irritated by this, he knew…and they'd probably end up working long into the night. Again.

He was completely unsurprised. Really, the lack of shock was staggering.

As though proving him right, L leaned over and set a stack of papers four inches tall next to his keyboard.

"Data entry tonight, I think."

"Obviously, Ryuuzaki." With a heavy sigh, he took his seat. At least the damn chain wouldn't be rattling the entire time he typed. He settled in and brought up the network.

XXXX

"Light-kun….I have a headache." L announced, pushing away from his laptop.

"You say that like it's supposed to affect me in some manner." Came the lofty reply as Light flipped a page off his stack.

"It does. It means I'm irritable. Which, in turn, means you should really stop staring at me." Light turned to look at him honestly now, the beginnings of a frown gracing his lips.

"I haven't been." L glared at him. He'd caught the boy at it once or twice, but he really was exaggerating. After an entire day of it, though, he was paranoid. There was a moment of silence before L abruptly shut his laptop down and closed it with a heavy click. He was beginning to regret telling Light about his scar…indeed, telling Light anything. He'd allowed himself to be lulled into a false sense of security while Light was cuffed to him, and now, thinking back on just how much he'd given away…how much he'd opened up to the murderer…it was going to drive him crazy.

He wanted to fight again, but he wasn't sure he could handle the abuse. His entire body protested his every twitch, and on top of that, one of those vile migraines had seated itself between his temples and gotten comfortable there. He wasn't getting any work done. At least, not enough to satisfy him, and he hated working when he knew he wasn't really accomplishing anything. The medicine cabinet beckoned with the promise of pain relief, but L hated taking pills as well. He abhorred having to swallow the tiny rocks, even though they eased his headaches. He was unused to taking them because he rarely needed them.

Still, it was better than sitting here, slowly convincing himself to start another round with the teen. Besides, he would not start another unprovoked fight. Would not, absolutely refused…

L stood up abruptly and gasped as his entire stomach locked up on him. The muscles there screamed at him for moving after they'd been sitting in that position for over two hours. Light turned to look at him, but the detective ignored him on his quest to the cabinet. He got to the door and flicked the light on. The first thing his eyes fell on were the clothes…his a haphazard pile in one corner, and next to them, Light's, neatly folded and stacked. In his pain-dazed state it was hilarious. And he laughed…just a bit. A dry laugh, utterly devoid of real humor. Light's chair swiveled around, false concern painting his eyes, but L didn't turn around to look back at him.

Let him think the detective was crazy. If his head didn't stop hurting, he was sure he might become crazy very quickly…in a downward spiral.

It was a repeat of earlier, he knew, but in truth he didn't really remember. Whatever he'd taken earlier had long worn off, but he'd ignored it until the pain was enough to make his abused stomach turn and his vision to blur at the edges. Bottles were again tumbling to the ground, rolling across the marble countertop and to the ground, bouncing and rattling on the tile, and damn it was too much noise! Finally, with a sigh of relief, he found his bottle. He shut the mirrored cabinet door and saw Light over his shoulder, leaning on the doorframe. He didn't give him the time of day, and why wouldn't the bottle open? The detectives fingers were trembling slightly and he couldn't get the lid off.

Finally (with a pop much to loud to suit such a tiny container, surely), the lid came off in his fingers, and the rain-sound of pills came. The tiny round things rolled all over the place, every where but into L's palm where they bloody should have rolled, damn them. In his frustration he grabbed about five at random and suddenly realized something monumentally important.

He had no tea to drink them with.

Despair (which was surely to strong of an emotion, he knew, but _damn_ his head hurt) filled him to the core and he dropped the bottle, sighing. The rest of the pills scattered across the counter. Dimly he realized a muscle at Light's temple working, a sure sign that he was beyond irritated by the detective's messiness. L could not care less. He simply could not fathom taking his pills without something to drink, he knew he'd gag and…

The tap was suddenly staring back at him, accusing him of nine kinds of stupidity. The empty teacup from earlier sat on the edge of the counter and L snatched it without another thought. He knocked back the five pills at once, downing four glasses of water after to chase them with.

L hated headaches.

"Are you okay?" Came a quiet voice, and all L could think of was the fact that Light knew…he _knew_. He knew about L's violin, worse, he even knew why he played it. He knew about the scar, and about L's music. He knew L's _favorite_ music, even his favorite _song, _and how to _play _it, and that…that was just too much. So much, and yet the logical part of his mind told him it was nothing really, nothing at all. L wasn't listening to that part of his mind right now, because in honesty, he hadn't really listened to it since his violin shattered. That was Light's fault too…and with his head hurting the way it was, it wasn't too far out of line to say that the migraine was Light's fault as well. After all, did the boy not goad him into the fight?

Yes, but L made the decision to throw the first blow.

Still, had Light not been trying to get closer, to weed information out of him?

Yes, but up until the Yotsuba break, there wasn't an ulterior motive. He was being…friendly…in his Light kind of way.

Still…he was too close…he was just too close for comfort. Hell, the chains were off, but he could, if he wanted, reach out and touch him, right now, that's how damn _close_ he insisted on being. He knew things…little things that mattered to no one else but him…he knew things that even Watari didn't know…though granted, L couldn't fathom telling a grandfather-figure what music he masturbated to, but all things aside, that was still something that Light knew and Watari didn't.

Light was too close…he was just too damn…

"Close."

"What was that?"

"You're too close Light-kun."

Light stared hard at the back of the detective's head, confused and irritated. He'd been closer to the man while the detective was _undressed_, sitting on the toilet beside the shower. How the hell was he too close now, with four feet of space between them? He'd almost missed the whisper, and would have if the detective hadn't been mouthing silently since he'd given that creepy laugh. Like he was talking to himself internally, but couldn't keep from moving his lips as well. It was also the first time he'd ever see L drink anything but tea…anything without sugar in it as well.

"I said you're too _close_ Light-kun!"

"What do you want me to do about it? I'm just standing here…what have I done?"

What indeed? L rolled his eyes to the ceiling and immediately regretted it. The light burned into his eyes and he hissed through his teeth.

"Nothing! You just…you can't…" He curled in on himself, pain in his head a steady drum now and he wished he hadn't worked himself up. It was as though his own heart were scheming against him. Rubbing his temples, he laughed that dry, bitter laugh again as he watched the red and white lights dance behind his eyelids.

"L…you sound a little crazy when you do that. Just so you know…" L forced his eyes open to look blearily at Light's reflection. The teen deserved the highest award for his acting possible. He knew everything, every single detail of his face, how to bend the muscles to his will and achieve any expression he wanted to….

The Clothes. L gave a near insane giggle as his eyes darted back to the corner.

"I'm… fine. You're just too close."

"Too close, what do you mean by that?" Light sounded frustrated, running his hands through his hair in exasperation. L curled further into himself, wondering why the pain wasn't going away just yet. The logical side piped up again to tell him it'd only been a few minutes since he'd taken the medication and that it would be half an hour at least…

But L wasn't listening to that voice, remember?

He couldn't understand why the damn things weren't working; he'd taken _five_ for God's sake! His trembling hands reached to counter again, gathering the pills into a tiny pile next the cup. He felt Light move behind him, but he was busy counting…yes, twelve would be a fine start. _Let's see this migraine stand up to 2000 milligrams of-_

Firm hands wrapped around his wrists and moved them away from the pills, and all coherent thought deserted him. They trapped his hands on the edge of the counter and held him there. L looked up, and met Light's eyes in the mirror…he looked…angry.

"You're just going to make it worse." L could feel the heat of him from the base of his neck down, though they weren't touching. Light always put off heat when he was irritated about something…

"You don't take medication often, I gather?" L continue to stare blankly back at him, still trembling. Light…was an idiot. An absolute idiot. He felt a cold fear start in his stomach, slowly working its way outward.

"You have to give it time to work." God, Light, no KIRA, was touching him…bloody _touching_ him! Light's hands were wrapped around his wrists, covering the wild pulse beneath, and he was too close…he was just too close. Any other time, no…any other _person_ and L might have found this acceptable. Anyone, hell, _Matsuda_ wouldn't make him this nervous. Light was still talking, just behind his ear, settling into his Good Samaritan mask. Usually, L liked the sound of Light's voice…it was full of confidence in ways that L's couldn't be. It was strong, expressive…capable of seduction and comfort and everything that L could only pretend to know. He'd secretly studied that voice, trying to learn how to put people at ease so quickly, how to tease a blush to a lady's cheeks. But, not right now. Oh God, no…

"If you don't, you'll just make yourself sick."

Not right now. Right now, it was just fueling a fierce paranoia, because bloody hell, Light was too close. L tugged weakly against the tight grip, his breath coming shorter. He moved once too far, and his shoulders brushed Light's chest. Oh god, he thought he was going to panic. The pain behind his eyes was keeping pace with his racing heart, and it was driving him insane. He felt weak, he couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, and bloody hell, Light was _still touching him_.

"Let me go."

"You need to go to bed."

"Light-kun, Let me go."

"You're pissing me off, L. I know you're head hurts but-"

"Stop touching me…"

"Listen to me!"

"Stop."

"You need to lie down!"

"You have twenty seconds to comply before I render you incapable of having children."

Light's eyes widened in the mirror, and it took all his will power not to just smirk back into those huge dark eyes. L was frightened…Light could see the dazed and slightly glassy look of pain in his eyes, and recognized the source of it, but…That's not what it was. L was frightened. Of him. Right now, Light was in control, and L just couldn't stand that. It took his every effort not to grin, and even that was a close call…because he wanted so much more. He wanted to tighten his fingers around these small wrists until they were lividly purple, keep him trapped and listen to him whimper again as bones ground together…

"L, I'm just trying to help. Calm down." _That's right L. Fear Kira…_

"Light-kun, I am not joking."

"I know, but you need to stop." _I can feel you shaking._

"LIGHT!" _Fear is my power._ Light took his hands off, holding them up to either side in a universal gesture of peace. He never left L's eyes, still keeping his face blank of everything. He didn't back off just yet, hovering just over the detectives shoulder, still asserting dominance. It was rare that he actually had it, and damn him if he was going to let the detective go before making him squirm just a bit.

"Look…you just can't work like this. We went too far earlier…We've been at it all day, and the fight, and the scar, and you just…you need to lie down, okay? That's all I'm saying. Go to Bed, L." L seemed to shrink away from him, eyes closing. Light still didn't allow his smirk to show, but it was tearing his control apart. God, he wanted to do this more often. To have L this frightened, this…_pliable_ in his hands was just too sweet. Misa practically threw herself at his feet, but this…he had to work for this. He had to put in effort to get L into a position that left him this open, this unguarded. To read emotion in those eyes was a rare treat, and the fear he'd seen there only moments ago was…astounding. Addictive. And His fault.

The knowledge made him shiver.

Twenty seconds that had changed everything.

Finally, he slowly backed up, hammering his smirk into a sheepish grin as the detective began to breathe again.

"I didn't mean to go too far, really. I just didn't want to explain an overdose to Watari, you know? He'd kill me." Light shrugged and left him standing there, going to save his work and shut the computer down. L slowly moved to lean in the doorway, watching him warily.

The fear hadn't left him just yet…the unyielding wall of ice that didn't allow coherent thought. It was absolutely frightening, to have half your mind on fire, and the other screaming coldly that your life is being threatened. The grip hadn't hurt, was nothing really…they'd hardly touched. Still… L's only fear was to be left vulnerable in such a way that he couldn't think straight. A lot of simple things could do this, but just like everything else in his life, it took careful steps to get to that point with him. This was the second time that Light had been in the right place, at the right time, and thought things through much too clearly for L's comfort.

Twice.

Unacceptable.

He could still feel the chill that had crept up his spine once Light had finally moved away. The absence of his warmth had somehow made his closeness that much worse.

But he was gone now…and while L's head was still roaring like there was a beast inside that refused to lie still, at least he was gone. L knew he wouldn't get any sleep tonight.

After all…Keep One's friends close, and one's Enemies closer.

Luckily, he had both in this one nice, ironic, package that was Light Yagami.


	6. Touch

AN- Pure Light in this chapter. It so much harder to write him as Kira...lots of mentality there that's hard to portray. Creepy chapter, ye be warned. And for those wondering, there really is no seme in this story...they have their moments, though. Like this one. -Kani

Light watched him sleep. It was…empowering, to be the one in this role after so long in reverse. L had passed out. It amounted to nothing less…he'd tried to stay up and work, but he simply could not function with his headache. He'd shut his laptop down and put it up to avoid kicking it off the bed. Light lay awake now, thinking. L had feared him earlier…was honestly frightened by his touch.

Light was almost scared to touch him now. The detective had an arm thrown over his eyes, and he lay partially stretched out, his knees bent beneath the covers. His stomach was too sore to allow him to curl up in his usual sleeping position, but he'd still managed to slip into nothing with relative ease.

He couldn't stop thinking about how wide the detective's eyes had been…how he'd shivered unconsciously from pain and fear when Light touched him. He tried to force his mind away, because he was exhausted as well…but every time he'd get close, just as his eyes drifted shut, those dark eyes snapped back into his line of thought, and he was wide awake again.

He wondered what it would be like…to invoke that reaction willingly. To know what he was doing when he stepped into that dominant role instead of discovering himself in it as he had earlier. Would it be sweeter? Was that possible? Here, in the dark, he smirked to himself, careful to hide it in the pillow in case the cameras were still up. The detective frowned in his sleep and shifted just a bit next to him.

_You think loudly._

It made him grin. Perhaps he did.

Light's hand slipped forward before he realized what he was doing. He hesitated, staring at his hand as though it didn't belong to him. That hand was still moving, out, slowly, across the bare mattress between them. The detective moved again, and he froze. Nothing came of it, however, L just settled deeper into his pillow without waking.

Light placed his hand over the detective's heart, feeling the steady rhythm beneath his palm. It was…thrilling, to know that he was doing something that detective didn't know about, didn't expect. He felt it pick up slightly and closed his eyes, just in case the detective woke.

It was warm, beneath his palm, strong and steady and slow with sleep. Light wondered how long it would take for the feeling to pierce through to that sharp mind this heart belonged to. It was as though he held the detective in the palm of his hand…it was coldly possessive. He realized of course that really wasn't a lot that he could do with his hand there, it was just…still. He couldn't hurt the detective this way. Perhaps it was the mere thought of crossing lines after months of having to obey them that did it. He didn't care. Here, he felt powerful.

The detective moved and his heartbeat jumped a bit. All it would take was for the detective to pull himself awake now, and there'd be a very awkward, very pointless conversation, because if he were honest with himself, Light didn't know what the _hell_ he was doing. He had no clue. He was touching the detective while he slept, and the very idea was ludicrous because he _never_ touched L. Never. Aside from their fights, he'd avoided all physical contact with the man.

Except for tonight. Tonight, he'd touched the detective and discovered a way to intimidate him. L didn't like physical contact. And Light, being the obliging fellow that he was…determined that he was going to make the detective as uncomfortable as possible. He'd make him writhe when Light placed a hand on his shoulder. He'd made him tense when Light walked by. Why? Light chalked it up to power. Simply because he could do it, he wanted to. He was a controlling person, he knew…but few things had thrilled him more than discovering that yes, yes the detective was afraid of him. Afraid of Kira.

Slowly, the heartbeat beneath his palm picked up a bit. Light glanced up at the detective's face, but he wasn't awake. He felt it though. Light couldn't help but bury his face into his pillow as he grinned. Power was amazing. Somewhere, in the depths of L's mind, he knew he was being touched. He knew it. He didn't like it. Light was doing it anyway…

He moved his hand just a bit, rubbing his palm in a slow circle.

"Hm." Light froze, forcing himself not to tense. That would show on the film…but he got a response. L's pulse picked up again, beating just beneath the thin white shirt he slept in. Light was utterly fascinated now, though he dared not move. If the detective woke up now, Light could still pretend he was asleep. He wanted more though…he wanted to sit up and drive L into a terror using just his hands. The knowledge that he could do that was almost alcoholic. He moved his palm again, and L frowned in his sleep, letting his arm fall away from his face to rest at his side.

Light's hand moved almost of its own accord, down across the detectives ribs to his tender stomach. Dangerous, here, because it was sore, and the pain might wake him. Light used all of his self control now, just barely grazing his fingers over the shirt. Beneath it were dark bruises, blue and black and so tender that even this feather-soft touch caused them to tense painfully. Yes…Light could grow addicted to this, to the soft inhale of pain L gave in his sleep. They were his bruises, his marks, and though he'd lost the fight, right now…right now he was stronger. Right now, the detective was vulnerable, peacefully dreaming whatever his strange mind dreamed about, and Light was touching him without permission. Causing him pain, and the detective didn't even know it.

It sent a shiver down Light's spine.

He'd always know he'd had a cruel streak…he'd felt it resting in the back of his mind like a large cat. He'd never thought he'd have a use for it, but took comfort in its presence. It told him that if he ever needed to, he would be capable of doing something in a tight situation. He'd thought it the cruelty of a higher intelligence, and so never needed to use it with the people he was surrounded by. Not even the Deathnote had fully tapped it, because he didn't really find it all that cruel. A flash of pain and the life was over, dead and gone, and there were worse ways to die.

But this…this was L. L was his equal, and if he dared to admit it, his better. To have this power, to be able to cause pain with the barest brush of his fingertips, and know that it was possible because of his strength…it was amazing. The cat was alive, awake and stretching, raking it claws through Light's bloodstream. He did it again, trailing his fingertips from one side to other, and was rewarded with a muffled sound from the body beneath his hand. That glorious little whimper he'd been craving, just at the dip of the bellybutton. He moved the fingers again, forcing himself not to prop himself up on his elbow and watch the expression on that sleeping face. He traced circles over the area, just barely touching, and a thrill rocked him as the hand at L's side clenched weakly at the blanket and the low sound came again. The fabric was annoying, but it was helping him maintain some control. He wanted to move it, to drag his fingernails across the soft, tender skin beneath…He wanted the detective to wake up with a cry of pain, he wanted him angry, wanted him to try to fight him again…

Yes, the fabric was a good thing, and he dared not move it. He dared not think of moving it for too long, because his fingers had already drifted to its hem and hesitated there. Mustering every fiber of control he had left, he forced his hand back up, to rest over the heart again. It was still beating faster than when he'd first lain his hand over it. The detective was responding to the touch, even if he wasn't awake yet.

Light released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding…he could feel his own heart pounding in a strange counter rhythm with L's. Much faster, and he idly wondered if the detective would notice. His hand was moving, he realized, stroking circles over the other's life source, and the detective seemed to relax a bit under the new touch. Light wanted very, very badly to go back to his abused stomach…to press his fingers to it until the detective sleepily tried to shove his hands off.

But God if he woke up now…what would he do? What would Light say, how could he possibly explain this? 'Oh sorry, L. I was just fascinated with hurting you, I hope you don't mind.' …'Oh sorry, L. I was just touching you while you slept, I hope that's not a big deal.' …'Fuck you L, go back to sleep.'….

L's hand moved and Light's breath caught. It lifted, slowly, and came to rest in the spot on his stomach that Light's had just vacated, brushing over the sensitive place. His brow knitted in confusion, but then he sank back into sleep, his head lolling to the side. Light was suddenly eye to eye with him across the valley of pillows.

His hand moved again.

Up it went, slowly, gently…just barely grazing the shirt at all. He froze, eyes closing when the collar ended and there was skin beneath his fingertips. He was still for a long moment, forcing himself to keep from digging in, to pull his nails across that small, pale collarbone and see what sounds L could make. It was there, ghostly white in the moonlight from the window…he wanted to paint it black with blood, wanted to so badly. This was L, his enemy, the heretic that refused to accept his new God. He deserved pain, deserved it from Light himself. He was special. Light was almost sorry that his death hinged on the DeathNote, because Gods, he wanted to do it himself. It would be perfect. Absolutely perfect.

That line of thinking was not helping his self control…not in the least. He forced his hand to relax, the tip of just his finger resting above the fine line of bone at the detective's collar. In the hollow of his throat. His throat.

Light couldn't breathe.

Did he dare? And on the tail of that thought, Was he afraid?

No. No, he wasn't.

The hand continued up, over smooth skin, grazing the fine line of the detective's jaw across his knuckles…

And then L's throat lie beneath his palm.

His heartbeat lay beneath his fingertips, and across his palm.

Light, could, not, breathe.

How easy it could be…how easily he could kill him here, now, like this. To just wrap his long fingers around this slender little neck and end it all. He stroked it gently, eyes wide, and _damn_ the cameras. He wanted to see this…wanted to burn this image into his mind forever as he stroked the velvet skin in his grip, trailed his fingertips up and down over the life-veins and the muscles and tendons exposed to him. He wanted to remember this, this shining moment of self control, when he could have done the unthinkable, and done it so easily. L was helpless, sleeping away as his suspect mocked him. The pulse beneath his fingers leapt, roared to life, and he snapped his eyes shut, fearing he'd woken.

A long moment of silence, and he dared peek. No…L was still asleep. His breathing was still slow as ever, and Light had been studying it, waiting for any sign of change. Nothing…the detective was simply too exhausted. The pulse quieted slightly, and another low sound from the detective stopped Light in his tracks.

The detective began purring. He could feel it…the low rumble vibrating through his fingers as he petted the exposed skin. He slipped his hand flat and tightened his grip ever so slightly. The purr continued. He tightened it again, holding it almost possessively and his lips parted slightly as the detective's rumble faltered, and the heart picked up again.

Possessive. That was a good term for it, Light supposed.

He relaxed before he allowed himself to get carried away, and the purr returned. It made him angry, to hear it…he hadn't intended for the detective to enjoy his actions. The knowledge made his stomach sour. It was also amusing as hell. He wanted to grin again at the thought of L enjoying a touch that could so easily have killed him. He wondered if he'd be able to look him in the eye the next day. He pulled his hand away and made a show of stretching, for whatever cameras there might be, and rolled away, staring into the blue light of the alarm clock. Sleep was a long time in coming.

He almost wished the detective had woken.


	7. Role Reversal

AN- Oh, this was interesting to write. Minor Explosion here, folks, prepare yourselves. This is the chapter that definitely sets the sexual tension into place with a deciding slap. Please, talk to me folks, let me know how you like it so far, kay? -Kani

L slammed his headset to the desk and sat back, rubbing his temples with a hand. The tiny voice continued to rant in Spanish from the ear pieces and as much as he didn't want to, L was still listening and answering despite the fact that the man could no longer hear him. He felt the eyes of the entire team on him as he snapped back at the voice, their eyes drilling into the back of his head, and it did nothing for his frustration.

The click of keys came to a grinding halt. Light looked at the team, who stared questioningly back at him, as though asking him what was wrong. Light just shrugged and leaned over to the detective.

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Shut up, Light-kun." Light closed his eyes but didn't move, and L ignored him to mutter a dark response to the unknown voice.

"What's going on?" The look L gave him could melt stone, but Light was apparently made of something more substantial than that. He sighed and gestured at the headset.

"My contact in Mexico is disappointed in me, obviously." Light glanced at the headset, and the fluent Spanish coming out of it did indeed seem angry. Light waited for more but nothing came.

"And?", He prompted quietly.

"And…He's threatening to contact my superiors if I do not accept his case. Which is, of course, impossible for anyone but me, but the notion of it is infuriating. This…this IDIOT seeks to go above me because I cannot prevent a war?" L gave that dry laugh that Light hated so much and leaned forward, snatching the headset up. He barked something in violent Spanish and the tiny voice went silent. He disconnected and tossed the headset back onto the desk.

"Ignorant Fool…I'm a detective, not a miracle worker."

"What did he want?"

"Nothing, Light-kun!"

"Obviously not, you seem pretty upset about it."

"Yagami-san, did you not teach your son any manners at all?" L drew himself up suddenly, stiffening in his chair as he hugged his knees. "No, I'm sorry, Yagami-san, this is not your fault. Forgive my outburst." Light's father just nodded dumbly, too surprised by this sudden change in demeanor. Light dimly realized that the Team had never seen L angry, and while it was almost a common occurrence with him, the rest of them were all shocked.

"Ryuuzaki, what's wrong? What's gotten you so distracted?" Internally grinning, Light reached out and placed a hand on the detective's shoulder. L snatched away as though burned. He was almost growling when he answered.

"That is the twenty eighth case that I have turned down in favor of Kira. Twenty eighth. There is a terrorist group working in the central Americas. In the last two months they've slaughtered over two thousand people. I could have prevented that." He paused to pop a sugar cube into his mouth, crunching the raw sugar loudly. "There are currently four serial killers in the China-proper that have murdered fifty people between them. There's a serial rapist loose in the American states, and they think he's fled to Canada. I could have had them all in the electric chair by now." Another sugar cube disappeared into his mouth. "There are sixteen different black-market dealers selling illegal fire-arms to the warring countries of Africa. I could have traced every bullet and had them eradicated two weeks ago." Another crunch. "I'm losing my status in the world's eyes, innocent people are being killed every day and to blunt and honest with the lot of you…" He paused…

"I know that Light is Kira. I know it beyond the shadow of a doubt, and…" He turned his chair around to face the team. "All of this…is indirectly my fault. Because I can't prove it yet." Stunned silence filled the room. Minutes passed, and no one spoke. No one could look directly at the detective for a long time, which was fine because he wasn't in the mood to say much more. Finally, Matsuda stood slowly from his desk and bowed low.

"I am honored to be working with you, Ryuuzaki-san. I hope that this case comes to a… a satisfactory close soon, because I feel terrible for robbing the world of such a great man."

Light wanted to laugh at the man. He was so solemn, so stupidly serious. He was sure everyone else in the room was touched, but all Light could think was that Matsuda's blind loyalty would be his downfall…Or, on second thought, entirely useful. He hid his smile behind his hand as Matsuda took his seat. The team returned to work and L returned to his computer.

"Watari, please screen all calls and deny the ones that are not related to the current case."

"Yes, Ryuuzaki. I apologize for the man's temper."

Light returned to his computer as well, saving that file and bringing up a blank document to make his report on. He suddenly realized that L hadn't resumed work. Light glanced up to find L staring at him, his mouth hidden behind his hand, and a quiet contemplative look in his eyes as he chewed his thumb.

"Is there something else, Ryuuzaki?"

"I could ask the same of you, Light-kun."

"I'm afraid I don't understand." L stood slowly, saving work as he hovered over the computer for a moment. He lowered his voice, until Light could barely hear him.

"I believe we need to talk."

"Right now? But I'm kind in the middle of some-"

"I was awake, Light-kun." Light's words died on his lips as his blood ran cold. Without another word to him, L turned and started walking down the aisle between the computer stations.

"Light-kun and I shall be right outside the door, Gentleman. Please don't disturb us for a moment." And Fuck, Light had to go. He glared at the detective's back, suddenly wishing that he could break it over his knee. He had no other options; he had to go with him…it was infuriating. With a simple sentence, L had turned the entire situation around.

Light closed the blank document and got up to follow. L held the door open for him, but Light didn't stop there. He walked to the end of the hallway, near the stairwell, trying to hear L's footsteps behind him. He couldn't.

But he was right behind him. "Could you do it again?" Light turned around and very nearly flinched at L's expression. It was hard as diamond; his eyes narrowed, and Light really had nothing to reply with. What could he say?

_When did you wake up, L? When? Does it matter? You were awake at the end…when I…When I gripped…Shit. You were, you had to be. _

He had to have been. There was no other explanation.

L wasn't happy with a silent answer, however. "I asked you if you could do it again."

"I don't know what…"

"Don't insult my intelligence, Light-kun. What did you think? That I felt you touching me and just _went back to sleep_? No…I was awake…The entire time…For all of it. And I'm asking you if you have the guts to do it again. Right now." L snatched his wrist up in a painful grip and held Light's hand to his throat. "Can you do it?"

Light stared. _Yes…yes I can, you fucker. What do you think you're doing? Don't offer me this…_

L eyes searched his face, and his grip tightened on Light's arm. Light refused to wince under the pressure, but it was the wrist that had taken so much abuse while they were handcuffed. Through sheer strength of will, Light's hand remained slack against the detective's throat.

If anything, this only seemed to enrage him further.

"So, Kira is a coward."

"I'm not Kira."

"No…not right now." L dropped his hand and shoved him hard. Light hit the wall and lost his breath, but the detective was on him before he could move, one hand at his throat, pinning him there. "Not now…but you will be. Now, later, it doesn't make much of a difference, does it? So let me put it you this way, Light Yagami. I can."

He wrenched the top button of Light's shirt open, exposing the fine line of bruising from where, during their fight, L had choked him with his own tie. Light glanced nervously towards the door, and L gripped his chin brutally, bringing his eyes back.

"I can do it." Light's eyes widened as the detectives grip tightened, pressing into the bruise on the curve of his jaw. It hurt worse than the kick that had made the bruise in the first place.

"I can give you the same pain, and worse, and not feel a damn thing while I do it. Do you understand?" The damnable hand moved from his jaw and pressed the tip of the thumb to the bruise on his throat. "I am not afraid to hurt you, and I am not afraid of you." He pressed in, and Light gasped as he drug it along the thin bruise. He didn't move to push his hands away; he had too much pride to give L that satisfaction. He could take whatever the detective had to offer.

"And the next time you put your hands on me, I will not lie still and be good. Are we clear?"

"Are you threatening me?" _Be good? What the hell?._

"Don't be childish. I do not threaten. If I wanted to hurt you, I would just show your father the video…Because think about it, Light. You put on quite a show for someone as…straight, as you claim to be." Light felt a scowl creep onto his features…he hadn't even considered that. He shoved L back now, growling.

"Get off me you bloody…what the hell are you-", Light gasped as the detective snatched his wrists and forced them to the wall so hard his knuckles rapped sharply.

"Lower your voice…or do you really want Yagami-san to know?" Light shut up immediately. L still didn't release him, leaning in to talk to him again.

"Do _NOT_ make the mistake of taking me lightly, Light-kun. I can make your life a living hell. How do you think Miss Amane would like that tape, hmm? Would she fit so nicely into your plans once she knows her precious Light-kun likes late night petting sessions with other men?"

"That's _not_ what that was."

"I know it's not what you intended. But I know what it _looked_ like. I know what it _felt_ like, and I was not amused in any case. If you want to hurt me, Light-kun, try doing it when I'm conscious. I'm sure you'll find a real reaction more interesting than your last little power trip."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I'm more than willing to banter with you. I'll fight you until one or both us is a bloody heap on the floor, I've shown you that. But you really, really do not wish to start a torture session with me, Light-kun. I trained for years to get to where I am…do you think that doesn't include some off-color interrogation techniques?" That stopped Light in his tracks. L and torture in the same sentence almost didn't compute. He had to be joking…but then he remembered his confinement, and no longer doubted.

"I would tear you apart, little boy." L let him go, and if looks could kill he'd have fallen over, already cold. He'd severely pissed the teen off with that last remark, and it made some part of him feel better. "I mean it. The next time you molest me, I'll-"

"Purr?" L stared down at him, threat deserting him. Light pushed him back again, rubbing his wrists with a near demonic grin on his face. He'd almost forgotten himself.

"Like you did during my 'Late Night Petting Session'? You seem to have completely glossed over that little detail, haven't you, L?" The detective narrowed his eyes slowly, but Light had a hook in him now, and he wasn't letting him go just yet.

"You liked it, you son of a bitch. How's _that_ for irony? You didn't stop me because you were fucking curious, and you liked it, didn't you?"

"Light-kun…"

"No, I'm right aren't I? How often do you purr like a kitten, L? I've heard it only once before…when you were squirming while I played that Mozart song. And later that night, with your laptop…." L's eyes shot open, and Light chuckled. Oh he hadn't seen that one coming, not at all.

"Yeah, I was awake for that pseudo-masturbation session of yours…I think if I'd moved the laptop, you'd have screamed." L backhanded him. Light stiffened, meeting his eyes and holding them still.

"Tell me L, why didn't you stop me? Could you?" L turned on his heel and left him there. Light stared after him as he took the stairs two at time and disappeared from sight.

_Fuck you too, L. _

Light straightened his collar and fixed his tie. The red mark on his face faded soon, and he returned to the investigation room alone. The door hadn't even closed entirely, and he was already shutting L's computer down and gathering their papers.

"Go home. All of you. We'll work Sunday to make up for it." He violently jammed a button on the intercom.

"Watari!"

"Yes, Yagami?"

"When is my room going to be ready?"

"Two more days at least, Yagami."

"Thank you."

Without another word, he was out the door, the stack of papers in tow.

AN- And Yes, Light really didn't think about what he was doing, nor did he consider it from a sexual standpoint. He's disgusted with himself for it now. The next chapter makes me cringe...O.o, I'm watching the scene in mah head. Can't wait to share it with you guys. Update coming soon, Thank for staying with me. -Kani


	8. Ugly Truth

AN- And, Aftermath. Muahaha. Wow, three Chapters in one day...I is proud of myself. My brain, however, is melting, soooo...I'm done for the night Loves. Hope you enjoy this as much as I did. And just for the record...

L's a bastard...So is Light. -Kani

Light managed to stay calm just long enough to set the papers down. He barely managed that. L was in the process of booting his laptop up when his chair suddenly swung around to face a very irritated Light Yagami.

L kicked first, sending Light sprawling back onto the bed. He stood slowly, fists clenched.

"Don't start with me, Yagami-kun. I will hurt you." Light looked up incredulously.

"Excuse me? You just kicked me halfway across the room, but _I'm_ the one starting shit?"

"You were certainly the one starting it last night!"

"Listen, you gay little parasite, if I EVER lay a hand on you, it's just to piss you off, you hear me?"

L gave that strange laugh again, and threw himself back into the chair, turning to his computer. "Bloody hell, let's have a look then shall we?!" He clicked and the blood drained from Light's face as the video feed popped up on the screen. L stood up and grandly gestured to the seat. Light shook his head.

"Coward."

" L, I'm telling you-"

"No." L held up a hand. "No, Light-kun. THIS is what you're telling me. Look at it. This is what I see…this is what you did. LOOK at it!" He snatched the teen up by the shirt and forced him into the seat, clicking the play button.

Light turned his head away. L fisted a hand in his hair and turned it back. "Oh, no…either you watch it or your father does. Take your pick, Light-kun."

Light saw the two of them. He could tell he was awake, but only because he knew himself. His hand moved across the bed towards the supposedly sleeping detective. The hand came to rest on his chest and Light remembered feeling that pulse for the first time. The center of his palm remembered the warmth, and if it weren't for the hand in his hair, he'd have been long gone by now. Gone as in out the door and down the street, because bloody hell, he didn't know what he was _thinking_! What the _hell_ had brought that on?! He'd been asking himself that question all day, but now, faced with hard evidence that yes, he just might be going crazy, he hated the answer.

He watched in horror as the film-Light moved his hand lower, to hover over the detective's stomach. L's voice made him jump, just behind his ear.

"This, I can understand, I know that look. It hurt me, and look at your face, Light. Look. Do you see it? You look like a feral cat right there." He leaned forward over the chair and paused it in the frame. Light winced inwardly as the detective mirrored his view of his own cruelty. As an after thought, L reached over and turned the volume up as loud as he could before hitting play again. "Wouldn't want to miss you panting my ear, now would we?"

His words dripped sarcasm. Fucking hell, he was right though. Light's insides squirmed in shocked revulsion as he heard himself on the camera audio (_Why the fuck did he need audio in the bedroom? Why? What in God's name possessed him?_), and he could see the tension in himself as the Film-L whimpered. It'd been intentional, he knew it now…the detective had done it just to push him, see what he'd do. The arm came down, and no, the second one was real. He'd gripped the sheets in surprise that time. He watched his own fingers skate over the fabric to hover over the hem. The frame froze as L paused it again.

"What the hell were you thinking there? I just have to know."

"I wanted to pull the shirt up and attempt to gut you with my fingers." Light spat out truthfully. L chuckled wryly behind him, and Light couldn't figure out what was so funny about this. The nightmare started again with a decisive click. He could see his own hand shaking as it returned to the Film-L's chest. All things Kira in him cowered in shame as he stroked the detective's chest again. Then, with a distinct horror he saw the Film-Light move that damn hand up…._up_.

He tried to wrench away again, but the grip in his hair tightened painfully.

"Oh no…You have to see this part. Look at yourself, Light-kun!" Light wanted to shut his eyes, because he knew exactly what was coming. There was the slight pause over the collarbone…and then his hand slipped beneath the detective's chin.

"Hmm…what an interesting expression, Light-kun, I must say." He understood immediately what the detective meant. He looked absolutely enthralled. He remembered thinking about how easy it would be to kill L right then…how quickly it could all be over. His expression was one of utter rapture, and holy God, he wanted to die right now.

It wasn't over yet. He began stroking, running his fingertips over the skin there. L reached and backed it up a few seconds.

"Let's see that again." His hand moved, fingertips feathering over skin that he was remembering as far too soft. L backed the damn thing up again.

"One more time…"

"I get it!"

"Shut up and watch." His hand continued petting the detective's throat. Light remembered being lost in his thoughts at this point, not really thinking about what he was doing, but the petting was utterly ridiculous. He felt contaminated, being face to face with this undeniable proof of his actions. Heat flooded his cheeks at he watched himself stare at the 'Sleeping' detective.

_Oh For Christ's Sake, Light that's quite enough. Stop._ His video counterpart didn't listen.

L leaned forward and paused it abruptly.

"Now, Light-kun, do you have anything you'd like to add to that?" Right, because Light was going to confess to being Kira and contemplating murder. He stared up at L, incensed to the point that a tiny red line appeared on the bridge of his nose….something that solely occurred when he was furious.

"Yes. Yes there is." He shook the detective off and slammed the mouse onto the play button again. L hesitated, but then a quiet rumble sounded from the speakers.

"No, L…._LISTEN_ to it!!" Light batted the mouse off the desk as the detective lunged for it, unwilling to suffer this humiliation alone. L tried to shove the chair out of the way, but Light just grabbed his arms and held him there, kneeling beside the chair in front of the computer. L looked away from the desk, staring into the bathroom, and Light laughed.

"What's the matter, L? Can't stand this? Why won't you look at it?" L didn't say anything, just tried to wrench himself out of Light's grasp.

"Why don't I tell you what I see, hmm?" The purring grew louder as he spoke, and once again, L wondered why he liked Light's voice until it was directed at _him_.

"You're smiling like a content, fucking Kitten, L. You're purring under my hand, limp as a fucking rag doll. You're not stopping me because you can't move. Like when your music plays, you lost all conscious thought the second I put my hand there, didn't you?"

Light let got of one of his arms and clamped a hand to his chin, turning him to face the screen. His fury had dulled into a quiet roar, and he spoke softly, his voice cold. Everything about him was cold, and L suddenly realized that this was Kira talking to him…touching him…again.

Third time.

Unacceptable.

But in his fury, Light would not be denied. The hand at his chin held on tight enough to cause bruises of its own as Light forced him to watch.

"Look at yourself. The Greatest Detective in the World, in the palm of my hand…and the only coherent thought you could manage was 'Please.'" The first word fell like a hammer, and L felt that familiar panic rising in his chest.

"Don't." He couldn't think when Light talked in that voice, in that low, undeniably deadly…

"Stop." _Voice_!

"Isn't that-"

"Let me GO!" L shoved the younger man away from with ever bit of strength he could muster. The chair, and Kira, when flying into Light's nightstand.

"Don't _touch_ me!" Light picked himself up slowly and just smiled. He lived for this…that blessed fear was in those dark eyes again, and it was solely his fault. He calmly righted the chair, as the recorded sound of L's purr hesitated, then grew louder. L seemed to flinch at the sound, his eyes flicking between the computer and Light again. Light had that demonic smile on, and it chilled L to the bone.

"That's what you were thinking, wasn't it L?"

"Shut up."

"It was. 'Please don't stop.' Have you ever been touched like that, L?" Light put the chair back under the desk, standing to regard the video quietly. Two minutes left.

"That's enough.",The detective's voice wavered slightly. L felt that voice more than he heard it. Light backed the video up again, to the beginning of the purr. L didn't want to think about the expression on Light's face as he watched clip again...it was...sadistic. L made the mistake of looking at the screen, of seeing that hand at this throat, and Light was talking again. He hated that fucking voice, it was going to drive him insane, but Light just kept _talking_…

"I'm the first to do that then. Hmm…rather possessive, isn't it?" Light turned and fixed him with his most winning smile.

L punched him in the mouth.

Light just stumbled a bit, laughing.

"Don't start something you're not willing to finish, L. You can know all the world's most terrible secrets, you can know on how to make a man scream, where and how to shoot to kill, and it's not gonna do you a damn bit of good." Light grinned at him, and blood trickled from the corner of his lips. L tensed, but Light didn't move…he just kept talking…

"Not gonna matter at all…because I know how to get inside your head now, L." Light shoved him past him. L watched him warily as he circled the bed. "I can fuck with your mind now, and you let me. You _let_ me. Practically gave me permission by just lying there, doing nothing. So fuck you and your cameras…this is your fault."

The bathroom door shut with a quiet click, leaving L alone with that damn purring and sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

All bets were off.


	9. Playing with Prey

AN- Long Chapter...so very long. And worse, I don't like it. I dunno why. Okay, here we have Light extending his claws, so to speak. Testing his newfound powers...Dunna worry. L puts the fear of Christ in him in the next chapter. Muahaha...I have that one half written. Update soon loves.

_-Message on computer_ (will be individual, like a conversation)

_People thinking_

-Kani

L did not like it…not at all, and he wasn't entirely sure why. He'd have both Kiras in one room, right next to him more than likely. They couldn't possibly scheme and plan when he was less than two feet away from them. In fact having Misa here, close and personal, should ease some of his tension…

But it didn't.

If anything, it was the way Light had said it. The look on his face was blatantly cunning, his voice smooth. L knew firsthand that Light found Misa to be the most annoying thing since…well, himself. Light could get an intellectual conversation out of L, however. Light's request to bring Misa in for a day didn't sit well with him simply because it didn't make sense. There was no logic in the spontaneous suggestion…any that was obvious at least.

"But listen Misa, I have to keep working while you're here okay? Could you bring a book or something? You can sit next to my desk and read if you want." L could dimly here Misa's enthused response.

"I...Okay…yes, Okay…_Okay_, Misa. I'll see you in a minute then." Light hung the cell phone.

"She knows she is to remain quiet while she is here?"

"Yes."

"And that she will not distract you from work?"

"Yes, L."

"And that you will not be leaving until the designated lunch hour?"

"Yes."

"And that she cannot-"

"Didn't you just listen to the conversation, L? Geez…"

L swung back to his computer, a thumb going tentatively to his lips as he resigned himself. Misa would be here in ten minutes.

XXXX

She made him smile. She always had, especially when she was…quiet. Misa entered the room, and the sighs were only half-hearted…well…except for maybe Light and L's. Still, as she walked down the aisle of computers, L could not help but grin. She paused to give Matsuda a hug, and he blushed happily. She taped a colored picture to his monitor, just below the tiny obituary. It came from a children's book, but it was colored with the finesse of someone older. That was Misa in a nutshell. She was wearing L's favorite "Misa Misa" outfit…the white button up and red silk bowtie…one of the indecently shorts skirts that she (and every male in the world) adored, and usually either red or black striped stockings. Today they were red, and made L crave candy canes. She gave them each a hug, and L, having learned from his mistakes, pointedly looked away when she bent over Light. He could hear the teen chuckle over her shoulder.

Matsuda eagerly fetched a couch cushion from the lounge while Misa kicked off her huge boots by the desk and took her back pack off. There was lime-green rabbit on the black leather bag…it was sporting numerous safety pins and stitches. L had just opened his mouth to ask what the bunny did to deserve such torture when his phone rang…He waved for silence and answered. A quiet voice came over the speakers, speaking an Asian language, but not Japanese. L sighed and buzzed Watari.

"Watari, it's the Chinese again…will you take care of it?"

"Of Course, L."

"Thank you." L hung up and the voice cut off abruptly. Misa came to stand over his shoulder and peer at his screen.

"Wow…Misa wishes she could do that. Misa would be in big trouble if she just hung up on a client." Was it L's imagination, or did she smell like peppermint?

"I have turned down cases to chase Kira, Misa-san. The world isn't too happy with me right now."

"Well…Ryuuzaki-san is right to ignore the world then. You're just trying to save it after all." She reached and dug into her pack for a moment, setting out crayon and coloring books and one or two novels. She found one she was looking for and presented it to the detective proudly.

"I found this while I was in the bookstore so I picked it up for you! It's a mystery romance, and I thought it sounded interesting." L took the book from her and read the summary. It did sound interesting…he hoped it was well written…he hated books that he finished before chapter eight. He turned it over and opened the first cover.

"Misa-san…I must ask you what this has to do with serial murder." He held it open with a raised eyebrow, showing her the intimate painting on the internal cover. She just rolled her eyes at him.

"It's a _Romance_ Mystery, Ryuuzaki-san. They're being _Romantic_." L grinned again…there was something about the blonde insinuating that he was stupid that was just…hilarious. Even Aizawa smirked at her tone, and he was the least affected by Misa of them all…except Light.

Matsuda returned with the couch cushion and set it next to Light's chair. Misa hugged him again and got comfortable, leaning back against the side of Light's chair between the two detectives. She carefully arranged her skirt and opened a book. L spirits lifted for a moment…perhaps this could actually work. She seemed content to just be in Light's presence for a while.

He turned back to his computer and resumed typing his report. It was one of his secret set…the set he'd made that lined up the circumstantial evidence against Light in the event that he did stumble across solid proof. Things would happen very quickly then, and L intended to be prepared. A quiet hush fell over the room again, everyone content to do menial work for the day. L had declared it a rest day, one in which they merely cleaned up their computers, deleted old files, irrelevant reports…it was an all day process they'd begun doing once a month. Something mindless to ease the stress of wracking their brains every other day they were in the room. L also gave them permission to leave whenever they were finished…and Mogi was already gone. The man was frighteningly efficient at everything he did…that apparently included managing his files. He'd left two hours after he'd gotten there and promised to return for lunch with the men. L could have sworn the man was gloating. For twenty minutes, there was silence, with everyone doing their appointed tasks.

Then Misa inhaled sharply. L glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and paused for a minute. Light's hand had drifted to her shoulder, and he was stroking just below her ear with his knuckles. She blushed, trying to ignore him and read, but obviously glowing from the attention. L shifted his gaze to Light. Despite his affections to Misa, it was L he was watching.

If L could get him to make that face before a jury, he was sure they'd convict him for reasonable doubt on being Kira. With that simple look…he confessed to everything without words. It chilled him to the bone. L returned his eyes to his computer, saving his file before he began clearing out his folders as well.

His peripheral vision saw Misa close her book and tilt her head to rest against Light's chair. Light's…fingers, slipped to the side and painted circles over the skin she offered. Misa closed her eyes, a small smile playing over her lips. Light was still watching him, one hand working over the keyboard.

L closed his eyes as well, refusing to watch anymore. A tiny beep from his computer saved him…for a moment. The message window crushed his hope for a distraction as Light's blue profile color met his eyes.

_-What's the matter, L?_

L glanced to the side to find Light with that devil's smirk on again. Misa still sat between them, oblivious to the exchange going on between the two men, content to bask in Light's sudden affection. This was all she'd ever wanted in the first place. L held his eyes as he reached to type his reply.

_-I told you not to get distracted, Light-kun._

Light broke the gaze only to glance at his screen. His white teeth flashed in his amusement before he gazed at the top of Misa's head. His fingers moved over the keyboard again.

_-I'm getting just as much work done as you are._

L frowned at his screen and shut the window, returning to his task of deleting files. He concentrated on everything before the Yotsuba break, re-reading to weed out the false leads and inconsequential evidence. The window popped up again with a beep.

_-Surely, I'm not distracting you, L?_

L muted his computer with a sigh.

_-You're constant messaging is, yes._

_-You know what I'm talking about._

Misa gasped again, and L very nearly looked. Almost.

_- I'll send her home if you cannot control yourself, Light-kun._

_- Look at her, L. _

_-…No, I won't. _

_-Just look. _

_- Light-kun, I refuse._

_- __**Look**__ at her._

He did…just a glance, but the damage was done. The irritation drained from his face and was replaced with fascination as he watched Light's fingers trail up from her collarbone, across pale skin to tilt her head up and expose her throat to the detective. His fingertips traced down the fine line of her chin to her ear. His fingernails curled slightly, painting the faintest red marks down again, to the collar of her shirt. Misa shivered, completely trusting. Light's other hand moved over the keyboard again. L pulled his eyes away to glance at his screen.

_-Remember?_

Heat rose in his cheeks as he closed his eyes. So that's what this was about. Repayment for last night's…whatever that had been.

_-I did this to you, and you let me. Remember?_

L glared at him, which was in and of itself a mistake. It was much harder to look at him when…he was…trailing the pad of his thumb over the shell over her ear, making her breath catch…trailing a single finger nail down again, letting it bite in just between her throat and shoulder, making her cringe as her lips parted.

L raised his eyes again, hesitantly typing his response.

_- Yes. You have a fascination with power, don't you Light-kun?_

Light's eyes flicked to the screen and his grin widened. He nodded slowly, bringing his hand to pull her head back gently by the hair. She went more than willingly, of course, but this was just a display…for L's benefit. _Benefit? Was it really now?_, he thought.

_- I was not joking when I said I would send her home, Light-kun. You have work to do._

_-I am working. It's hardly my fault you have a fascination of your own._

_-Are you trying to get a reaction out of me?_

_-If it weren't working, you wouldn't have asked me that._

_- Arrogance seems to be your second language. You speak as though I __**want**__ you to touch me._

_-I had never considered it. How convenient of you to bring it up._

_-Light-kun, you're going to make me angry._

_-You suggested the topic. Now, I wonder if Misa can purr…_

_Son of a bitch…_L cut his eyes at the boy across from him, receiving a silent laugh in reply. He shut the window down, and began detaching himself. It should have been easy to pull away from what he was feeling…he'd spent years training to desensitize himself, to learn to be objective.

Light had made this personal, however.

L stopped his train of thought and glanced at him again. Light was clearing his computer again, almost lazily taunting the model at his side. L felt that to detach now would almost be running away. He'd looked murderers and rapists in the eye and felt nothing…and he realized now that he should have been glad of it. This was something he could not run from…the buttons Light pushed were far too close.

That's what it really came down to, he supposed. L made the mistake of letting the teen get close enough to hurt him…he wasn't sure when or how it had happened, and it really didn't matter. He'd backed himself into a corner, by allowing himself to care for the teen. To care for Kira… and he supposed he was reaping the rewards of that now.

He felt his eyes again drawn to that damnable hand, and for approximately the 437th time since that night, he wondered why he hadn't pushed Light away. He was exhausted, that he knew…and his headache never really went away, perhaps that could account for some of it. He was deluding himself and knew it, though. Light was absolutely right…he hadn't pushed him away because he enjoyed it. That's really what scared him. L didn't know how to respond to it, and worse, he knew that he should not have allowed it in the first place. To be touched by Kira…Frankly, L would rather skin himself.

Light reached over without warning and stole one of the cookies on L's plate. L glared at him as he typed, careful to keep eye contact. Not that that was any better, because Light's look was a touch in and of itself.

_- Does it make you angry that I can ignore you, Light-kun?_

_- Hardly, because you're not ignoring me at all. Listen to her._

Misa was trying to cover it up, but L was sure if they'd be alone, Misa would have pounced on her boyfriend a long time ago. Whimpers, gasps, it all reached his ears and turned them a lovely shade of pink.

_-Is the great L blushing?_

_- Of course not._

_-Ah…then he must be jealous…_

_- I would never allow it._

_-That doesn't mean you don't want it. And technically you already have. _

_-Light-kun, I have come to a conclusion._

_-And what is that?_

_-You're gay, and you're an insufferable brat._

_-You've yet to tell me I'm wrong._

_-You're wrong._

_-Oh it hardly matters if you say it now…_

_-You're acting like a child._

"Hmm…" L glanced over, and realized this was a terrible, terrible mistake. Light held his eyes as he tilted Misa's head up again, and pressed his lips to hers. He kissed her for a long moment, and L couldn't help but watch. This was an unfortunate fascination, he knew, and he understood that Light was just trying to implant the image into his head. He forced himself to look away before they broke contact and stared dully at his screen.

_This shouldn't be this easy…_ Light watched the detective as he pulled away. Could it really be this simple to throw L off-balance? The man was practically squirming in his seat, uncomfortable and vaguely aroused, and while it wasn't the power Light had expected or wanted, it was more than he'd ever had before. L had only allowed him to get so close, and he'd always been tight-fisted when it came to everything. He hid his emotions from Light simply because he could. Light had found it infuriating. This, however… was like a back door into the fortress that was L's self-control. Apparently, he couldn't ignore this; he couldn't break away from it. It was like the music…once it started, he couldn't pull away. Only, this was somehow better, because L remained conscious the entire time, and it was fairly easy for Light to do.

At least with Misa around…

He wondered if he could do it without her. It was…gratifying in some terrible way to know that every thought in that exceptional mind was focused on him and him alone. He'd find a way…it was just too much fun to torment the detective. If he could make L's life hell for the rest of the investigation, he would. He owed it to him.

_I could have killed him already._ Light frowned. This was true…everything was in place, and the Shinigami only awaited his order. Rem could dispose of L at anytime.

_Not just yet_. Light smirked to himself as Misa shivered under his hand and L did the same, mirroring her. The open fascination in his eyes was sickening, but useful. Yes…Yes, Light would play with his prey before he killed it.

It promised to be interesting.

AN- I think that's Light's biggest mistake, right there...waiting to kill him. It'll make sense later...not gonna spoil anything for you.


	10. Power

AN- Um, I made a forum, you're all welcome to talk to me. Named after this story, deathnote category. Oh God, I love this chapter. I love how it turned out, I do, I'm sorry. Read...just...read it. -Kani

L set his tea down on the bathroom counter and pulled his shirt off over his head. Light was downstairs still, helping Watari shred papers. Watari seemed to realize that he needed to get away from his suspect, if only for half an hour, and sent him off to take his shower in relative peace. There was a reason the detective and elder man worked so well together.

L faced the mirror and looked his stomach over. The worst of the damage was healing nicely. The yellows and browns of half faded bruises ringed his stomach, and the deeper purples of the more serious ones had already faded to reds and greens. L bruised easily, but he healed quickly as well…in a few days there would nothing but a slight tenderness in the area.

He touched the skin experimentally and gritted his teeth. Right now, the area still screamed at the lightest touch…even his shirt sent small shivers of pain up his spine every now and then. He thought for a moment that it wasn't fair…he'd hit Light just as hard, in almost the exact same manner, but the teen acted like it'd barely stung in the days after. He supposed it was the difference in muscle that did it…L's stomach was woefully unprotected due to his odd habits.

He considered himself for a long moment, reaching to sip his hot tea as he stared into the mirror. In short, it had been the worst day since his first violin was broken. Worse, even, than the moment of realization in the helicopter, when all doubt of Light's guilt was erased for good, and he realized that yes, he would have to kill his friend.

Light was working in his head in ways L hadn't thought possible anymore. Today's display with Misa only served to burrow him deeper into the crack he'd found in L's armor. He hadn't let up, either…He invited L along with the couple of them for lunch.

Mistake. Such a very big mistake…

He'd gone because he thought it'd be safer if he were with the two Kira's…that every second he spent with the two of them was a second they couldn't discuss their plans to murder him in his sleep. He'd taken Misa's book along, because they chose a café that had little to offer in the detective's way of food. A few cookies, and a decent cake…the tea was drinkable, but nothing when compared to Watari's.

Light…touched her…under the table. With L just across the booth, he'd trapped her against the wall and held a conversation with the detective as he…did it. She'd been embarrassed, but Light was smart. He'd chosen a table in the back, away from the counter and other patrons. L took the side that put the wall at his back so that he could watch the restaurant in a show of his instinctive paranoia. Perhaps if he'd given that seat to Misa and Light, he would have been unable to torment her, having to face the crowd. Perhaps he could have spared them both the strange and unusual torture that was Light Yagami. Perhaps _he_ could have sat with Misa, and done even more to prevent it.

He hadn't. He chose the seat that suited his needs best, as always…as predicted. He'd seen her expression the moment Light's hand began creeping up her thigh (How could he _not_?) and he'd been trapped there. Like a bird in a cage of his own design. He'd tried distracting Light with conversation, hoping to at least cover for the poor girl as she tried to keep quiet, and it only earned him that evil smirk for his efforts. He'd tried ignoring him, delving into the novel Misa had given him, and to his dismay found that the Hero and Heroine committed acts much more vivid and no less distracting. Romance indeed…it was literary porn, and he needed no more of that, not with the bastard sitting directly across from him.

Relief came in the brief seconds of contact with their waitress…and L had seriously wondered whether Light would behave himself even then. Poor Misa had taken leaning on Light's arm, claiming that she didn't feel well….perhaps even had a fever. She was an actress, and her performance would have been flawless if not for her partner's determination to spell out _exactly_ what he doing with his expression. Almost as though he were telepathically trying to tell L what was going on beneath that damnable table.

L could have killed him by the time they'd finally escaped the café. Misa, suddenly wary of her boyfriend, walked them back to the building with her hands firmly on her backpack straps, refusing to even touch him. Light didn't seem to mind.

L was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't glance up when the door slid open. Light stepped in and watched him for a moment as he stared into the mirror. The bright color in his cheeks told him exactly what the detective was pondering so seriously, and he smiled in spite of himself. Today's adventures had been pure bliss…L had refused to even look at him by the time they returned to the building. The elevator ride, the two of them alone for the first time since Misa had gotten there… had been the highlight of his day. L had placed himself as far away as he could, backing away into a corner, and stared at the floor while the box was in motion. Light had purposely moved to stand in front of him, feigning an interest in the elevator information panel on the wall. When the doors finally slid open, L had almost run back to the investigation room.

Bliss.

With a grin that would make the Devil himself proud, Light kicked his shoes off and headed into the bathroom.

L came out of his reverie when he noticed the warmth behind him. Too late, he saw the large hands plant themselves on the counter on either side of him, slipping beneath his own arms. If he moved, he'd be touching Light, and that was too much. He froze, stiffening slightly, and L found himself staring into Light's eyes over his shoulder. God that expression…

Light's smile broadened a bit.

"I like when you straighten up like that, L. You're almost as tall as me." His breath, light and warm, trailed past the detective's ear and L just shut his eyes, because he could not look at that face anymore.

"I wonder what you were thinking about, hmm?" Light boldly rested his chin on L's shoulder, adopting a curious face. L curled in on himself slightly at the contact.

"I wonder what could make you blush like that…" L leaned his head away from that voice, that dark, quiet voice that said things that were entirely too true.

"Don't expose your throat to me." L's eyes snapped open, and he corrected himself immediately. Light smiled gently at him, and L wanted to claw his eyes out. He spoke, trying to stave off that strange panic-like feeling in his stomach.

"Light-kun, you're touching me."

"What's the matter? Afraid I'll bite you?" Light growled gently and placed his teeth in the curve of the detective's shoulder. He heard…no he felt the man gasp, felt the tremble racing up his spine a split second before he was shrugged off roughly. He chuckled. "You're too easy, L." He let his eyes drift to the bruising, feeling a small twinge of pride at the dark colors painting L's stomach. He lifted a hand from the counter and watched L's eyes drop his to watch it warily. He moved it slowly, as though daring the detective to stop him, and trailed his fingers over the sensitive skin. The detective, shocked out of his daze by the pain, snatched his hand away in a vise-like grip. He was a little late, however, because Light had seen the flicker in his eyes, seen the glassy pain-look that he so adored. L dropped his hand like a match that had burned too long in his fingers. He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.

"Tell me, Light-kun…what is your definition of a conscience?" He opened his eyes to stare into Light's, and the teen's smile faltered for a moment. There…was something different…

"A set of mental values set in place by a society to distinguish right from wrong…something that is culturally defined and then taught to children of that culture."

"My definition is much simpler than that." Light narrowed his eyes…this wasn't right, what was different?

"In fact, Light-kun, I can sum it up to three words." L turned in Light's hold and the teen leaned back, suddenly wanting distance between them and not knowing why.

"Irrelevant." Light's eyes widened.

"A Hindrance." Why was he backing up, what the _hell_…

"…And completely Unnecessary." L expression was completely blank as he drove his knee into the younger man's groin. Light's mouth fell open, and instinctively he tried curling up around the center of his pain. He never got the chance.

L gripped his throat in one hand and turned, slamming him into the door frame and forcing him to stay upright, to experience the pain to it fullest. Almost idly, he reached to rummage in a drawer while his held the teen captive. His hand wrapped around something plastic and he shut the drawer, shoving Light roughly to bed.

Light's insides were on fire, on bloody _fire_, and damn that bastard…he thought he was going to be sick. There was so much pain, so damn much…

L followed him to bed and shoved him again, following to sit on the younger man's stomach, his face completely calm. There was the sound of plastic breaking, but Light completely missed it, his ears ringing. He snapped his fingers in Light's face.

"Listen." Light couldn't breathe, it hurt so damn _much_…

"Hey…" _Snap._ "Listen." Light opened his eyes, staring hazily up at the detective.

"Are you listening? What am I doing?" _Snap_.

"Sn-Snapping your fucking fingers…"

"Good. Watch them." Light's head rolled to side as he choked back a groan. L patiently tilted his head back upright. "Watch…Are you watching?" _Snap._

"Yes…"

"Good…now, what is this?" L held the thin strip of metal before his eyes as his other hand slipped lower, loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. Light stared hard at the thing, his brain fuzzed over in a dull wash of ache…it dawned on him.

"A razor."

"Correct." The razor disappeared from sight.

"What are…" _Snap._

"No. What am I doing?"

"Snapping your fingers."

"Good. Now…" L lifted the tie over his head and spread his shirt open. He snapped again. "What am I doing?"

Light was dimly aware of the cool rush of air against his skin, but bloody hell, his crotch hurt. What the fuck is this guy…

"Hey." _Snap._ "Pay attention."

"What?"

"What am I doing?" He placed his hand flat over Light's collar bone. Light tilted his head towards that quiet voice, trying to focus.

"You're…you're touching me."

"Good." L lay the flat of the paper thin blade against the warm skin beside his finger.

"And now?"

"Still…touching, you're still touching me." Light gasped, trying desperately to detach himself from the fire in his blood, from the pain-haze in his mind. He couldn't think, fuck, he couldn't _THINK_.

"No…don't try to think…just listen. Are you listening?" Light nodded slowly.

"I'm going to cut you Light Yagami."

_What the FUCK?_ Light tried to sit up, to push him off, and was rewarded with a sharp slap across the face.

"No."

"Wha-"

"Don't think. Just listen." Light fell back, still trying to breathe, and God, he felt light-headed.

"Are you listening?"

"Yes."

"Good." L tilted his chin up slightly, running a finger down the fine line of the vein exposed to him, just as Light had done to him not two nights ago. Down to the hollow at the base of his throat, out across the wing of the collarbone. He paused, tapping the sensitive spot lightly, and felt Light's shudder beneath him.

"Can you feel that?"

"Yes."

"Focus on it. Just think about it, and I promise it won't hurt." Light was listening to the smooth voice, thinking hard on the gentle touch. It was nice, cool against his hot skin, and sent tremors through him as his brain latched onto the tiny pleasure signals, desperate to feel something other than that pain.

"Can you feel it?" L traced his fingers over the skin, back up to the throat and down again.

"Yes."

"How does it feel?"

"Nice."

"Good. Think about it…think hard." He stroked there for another moment, painting goosebumps over the available skin.

"Every drug carries the risk of addiction, and later dependency." _Snap_. "Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Power is a drug. Do you understand?" _Snap_.

"Yes."

"Good…very good." L pressed just a little harder with his finger tips, making the teasing touch very real. He smoothed his palm over Light's chest, slid it up, over his throat, slipped it beneath his ear…

"How does it feel?" Light's head tilted to the side of its own accord as the pain slowly dwindled once his focus shifted. The hand was soft as silk, sliding over his heated skin and the coolness of it was a welcome relief.

"Nice…"

"What?"

"Nice, it feels nice…" He choked off, content to just lie there and be petted for a while.

"Think about it. Think hard. It won't hurt when I cut you if you just think about it." The hand slid down to his collar again, pressing a finger along the bone. He paused.

"Are you thinking about it?"

"Yes."

"Are you thinking hard?"

"Yes."

"Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"Good. Look at me." Light tilted his head up, opening dazed eyes to meet his dark ones.

L marked the spot with his finger and ran the blade parallel to it for an inch or so. Light's eyes widened, lips parted slightly as he gasped. The cut was superficial, blood welling slowly along the line. A look of innocent betrayal entered Light's eyes, and he almost pouted up at the detective.

"You…you _said_ it wouldn't hurt."

"And _You_ believed me, Light-kun." Realization cracked like a whip through Light's mind. L nodded to himself and stood up, backing off the younger man's stomach.

"Why did…how did you…What the Fuck?!" L turned to find Light staring at the crimson on his fingers as he sat up, his shirt hanging at his elbows. He stared at it, shocked, and L sighed from the bathroom door way.

"You…cut me." Light glanced at him and then down, watching blood trickle down his chest. "I…I let you cut me."

L tossed him a rag from the counter and paused before he shut the door. A smirk slid lazily across his face.

"And that, Light-kun… is real power."


	11. Frayed Control

AN- Light steps back as L adjusts to his new playing position.

L pressed his back to the cool wood and let himself slide to the floor, heart pounding. It'd been a long, long time since he'd used that technique on anyone. He could still feel the heat of Light's skin beneath his fingers, the way his heart pounded even after the initial pain faded. Pounded because L's hands were on him, petting and playing and in general shattering his own control…

He glanced at the flimsy blade in his fingers. Light's blood was on its edge, and it came away on his fingers, tacky and half-dried. He stared at it, much as Light himself had, as though afraid to believe it was real. He rubbed it between his thumb and fingers, sniffed at it, inhaling the sharp copper-scent. His hands shook slightly. It'd been a long time. Years…Longer even than when he'd last heard his song played. At least three years had passed since he'd convinced someone to give him control like that.

It wasn't hard, not after he'd gotten the gist of it down…cause an excruciating pain of some kind, capture their attention, then lull the pain away and hurt them again. So simple, it was terrifying really. He'd worked confessions out of seasoned criminals within minutes. He'd talked information out of tight-lipped traitors, he'd negotiated hostages, drugs, money…he'd even made a man propose marriage to him, just to see if he could.

The only problems with the technique lie in its very foundation. Power, plain and simple.

It was easy for L to lose himself in the practice. Even now, he could hear Light pacing behind him, wondering how he'd managed it, and all he could think of was how willing, how pliant the boy had been beneath his fingers. L could have done anything with him, because in the few minutes he'd had, he'd stolen Light's trust…he'd talked it out of him with a careful balance of pain and pleasure. Light didn't trust _anyone_, and certainly not L. In less than five minutes, L had had him…completely controlled his thought process, was the entire focus of his world. It was gratifying in some strange way to know that every thought in that exceptional mind was focused on him and him alone.

L slipped the razor into his pocket. Why waste a perfectly good blood sample? He stood and started the shower, letting it warm up, as was his habit.

After a moment, though, he turned it off and went to the bathtub instead. The image of Light splayed out beneath him, accepting, _trusting_…wouldn't leave. L was a controlling person by nature, but rarely did he do things for his own benefit…simply because he could. He was detective, and considered himself a good man, but too often he'd known the sick pleasure that came from owning someone, even temporarily. That was really what it came down to, he supposed.

He retracted the razor from his pocket and hid it on the thin edge of the light fixture above the sink. He didn't feel comfortable undressing, knowing that Light was in a tantrum and only an unlocked door separated them. The tub was full, and he just climbed in as he was, jeans and all. He was careful to keep his bloodstained fingers out of the water as he sat down. The rust color drew his eyes like a magnet, and he almost wanted to taste it…just because it was there and he could. He wondered if it would be sweet, or if it would bite at his tongue, the way the smell tore at his mind. It was not a fetish, not by any means, but it held the potential. If he allowed it, he was sure it could become one very easily. He was not one allow such frivolous desires, however…he was more inclined to ignore his baser desires altogether, much less encourage them.

The image of Light, sitting on the bed with blood on his fingers, shirt off his shoulders and shock on his face, drifted unbidden to L's mind. Curious, really…how completely unguarded he'd been. L had done the impossible, by taking control of him like that. The only other time comparable had been the night the violin had broken, when Light first tasted guilt. Even then, there had been something hidden, something defiant in his eyes. There, on the bed, he'd stared at the detective like he'd never seen him before. It brought a rush of pleasure to know that he'd caught him so thoroughly out of his element, shown him that no, L would not in fact lie down and take the abuse he was so freely giving.

He'd wanted more.

He'd wanted to break him, and he knew that he could. Light was hardly a simple person, but L knew things that would make him tremble with fear, anger, desire…whatever L wanted. He'd looked at him there, so completely open, so…_fragile_, almost, and he'd wanted to go back. He'd wanted to lay him down again, and just _show_ him. Show him that L was more powerful than he ever dreamed of being, that L was capable of so much more than he even knew possible. Perhaps…later, when he was scared to blink without permission, perhaps then L would have regretted it. That was what set him apart, what kept him human. He was justice, and Justice was not unfair. He knew it would be wrong to do that to someone like Light…even if he was Kira.

But holy God, it would have been amazing.

Measure for Measure, he'd have taken everything from him, he'd have his confession to Kira, have his plans, his dreams, his future…

In a day, he'd have enough evidence to put both Light and Misa in line for the death penalty. In a week, he'd have Light depending on him, have everything, every thought that crossed that brilliant mind revolve around the detective. In a month, he'd have Light submit to him, completely…he'd have worked his way into the boy's soul, made his life incomplete without the detective in it.

It sickened him. He didn't want it, and he abhorred the thought of it. Glorious as it may have been…it was also poisonous. One did not just rend a person's soul to pieces on a whim. The day he went there was the day he lost his humanity.

Still, the image of Light, lips slightly parted with his brown eyes soft in wonder and a hint of fear-lined respect, refused to leave his mind's eye. He closed his eyes and brought his blood-stained fingers to his nose again, inhaling deeply. Whatever game they were playing just leapt forward by a few miles, and he couldn't help but wonder why he'd fallen back to _that_ technique. No, he knew. It was because Light was doing the exact same thing, though with much less skill. The entire day stood testament to that…Kira did know how to get inside his head. The only difference was Light's lack of professionalism…his power was raw, unrefined, and simply inexperienced. The thought made him angry, scared him, and above all else, frustrated him.

Why Light? Why a spoiled teenager with no future? After years of working cases around the world, years of interacting with thousands of different personalities, why was Light able to slip past his defenses with a wave and smile?

They were just alike. They balanced each other out, playing off of each other's strengths and weaknesses so well that it was frightening and marvelous to behold.

There was a price, however.

It was in the way L's hands still trembled as the aftershocks of adrenaline coursed his system. It was in the way he imagined he could still feel Light's heartbeat beneath his hands, the way Light had tipped his head back with no struggle, exposing himself to the detective without a second thought. It was in the way he'd tensed beneath L's fingers, and then relaxed, surrendering to his ministrations. The way he'd told him, admitted that he enjoyed it…

Addictive…Powerful…and so very dangerous.

L rested his head on his knees and sighed, dipping his fingers into the water to rinse the blood away in tiny tendrils of red.

XXXX

Light was going insane. He had to be, there was no other reason that he'd have allowed…that he would have…He wrenched the rag away from his chest, staring accusingly at the spot of crimson on it as though it were his blood that had betrayed him, not his mind. He'd let him. He'd let the bastard touch him, let him strike him, let him _control him_, and he'd said "Yes, Thank you, that feels nice." Son of a _bitch_, he wanted to kill him. But Rem wasn't here right now…she was hovering over his father's shoulder while he read, most likely, or in the kitchen, watching his family have dinner with that silent curiosity of hers.

The low roar of water sounded from the bathroom, and he took comfort from the fact that he was not the only one affected by that…that…_That_. Whatever the hell _That_ had been.

His mind raced, putting the pieces together as fast as he was capable, and the sheer knowledge that the detective had him in the palm of his hand in less than five minutes was nerve-wracking. Five minutes, and L could have had him begging. God knows, he opened his mouth to protest when the petting stopped, not because the cut had hurt. Shit, he hadn't even noticed until he realized the petting had stopped. How the hell did he know to…why did he…._FUCK_, Light wanted to kill him.

He paused in front of the door, ready to tear it open and drown the man in his own bathtub. Only by a long moment of silence and intense self-control did that door stay intact. He'd already won…the game was his, and if he gave some ground now, why did it matter? The detective would die at his command, simply fall over and cease to exist. Problem solved, and…

Light shivered as the blood ran down his chest again, leaving a cold trail in its wake.

And things just weren't that simple anymore.

He supposed it was his fault, and immediately dropped that idea. No…No, whatever the hell just happened, only happened because the detective wanted it to. While that in and of itself was infuriating, it absolved Light of the guilt. L had changed the rules, hell, changed the whole fucking game, and it wasn't his fault. He'd played fairly up until…until…

No, he would not think about it.

No, he couldn't stop thinking about it.

The expression on L's face when the blade bit in was something Light was scared of. It was…_his_ expression, his Kira smile…the Chesire grin that melted doubt, that seduced and won loyalties…

On L.

L.

To know that L could adopt it like that, could turn it on him, make _him_ shiver…was unthinkable. Light had perfected that expression, he'd _created_ it. It shouldn't have an effect on him. Why then, did he lie there, content to be under the detective's control? Why then did he submit, as easily, as willingly as Misa? It was embarrassing, utterly and completely humiliating.

Light threw himself into the desk chair and stared at the blood trickling to his belt. That's the thing about razors, they cut so very little, and yet they bleed so much. He shrugged his shirt off the rest of the way, before he ruined it, and tossed on the desk. He only had another night…one more night. He'd be in his own room the day after tomorrow.

XXXX

L exited the bathroom to find Light sitting at the desk, staring into space. The contemplative look in his eyes was almost endearing after some of the harsher ones L had had been subjected to. The rag lay forgotten in his slack grip, a bright crimson stain glaring at the detective. It was moments like this when L found Light to be most attractive…namely when he wasn't himself. When he wasn't thinking, wasn't talking…just…existed for a moment. The cut had long stopped bleeding, and a black trail flaked its way to his belt, just visible in the lamplight.

Light stood and dressed for bed in silence. After a moment, the hard part came.

How did climb into bed with someone he just surrendered himself to?

When it had been reversed, Light had found it supremely enjoyable to climb in first, and watch the detective wage mental war before climbing into his side. Not tonight…no, not tonight.

They stood staring at one another for a long moment.

"You must be tired, Light-kun."

"Don't talk to me."

"I see no reason why I shouldn't."

"What did you do to me?"

"Nothing special."

"The fuck you didn't…I feel like you raped me somehow." L cocked an eyebrow.

"That is because you are paranoid, Light-kun."

"What did you do?"

"I convinced you to trust me for a moment."

"You lied to me."

"You trusted me."

"I know…that's kind of my point." Light fell silent for a moment.

"How did you do it?"

"Carefully."

"L, I don't need your sarcasm."

"Oh I disagree…I think you need as much of it as you can handle, because you're about to slip into a depression."

"I…No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You've already said that you feel violated."

"You just…You _changed_ it, L."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You…changed it." Light frowned, meeting his eyes for the first time. "I don't know how, but you fucked it up pretty badly."

"How? By making it matter to you?" L snapped, and Light looked away.

"That is the problem, isn't it Light-kun? You're very happy to play your games until they matter to you…until you personally are affected."

"That's not…"

"Shut up. You know that I'm right. The only reason you are upset right now is that I retaliated, and I did it well. I condensed your entire day's worth of fumbling, inexperienced torture into a few minutes…and I've made you feel inadequate. I pushed you, fascinated you, and the real reason you're upset is that…" Light opened his mouth to protest…

"I scared you."

"You're wrong."

"Am I, Light-kun?" L moved onto the bed, and Light backed up, hating himself for it. He felt like the detective was stalking him.

"Can you look me in the eye and say it?" Light forced his eyes up.

"Yes…you're wrong." L pointed at the bed beneath his knees.

"I held you here. I unbuttoned your shirt, threw your tie off. You did nothing." L knelt and put his hand on the blanket. "I touched you…really touched you. With my fingers, my palm…I lulled you half asleep. I had you stretching out beneath my hands, eyes closing while I _told_ you that I was going to cut you. You were so far gone that when I asked if you were ready for it, you nodded and _tilted your head to the side for me._"

"You're…wrong." L felt that unusual smirk spread across his face again.

He was lying. Fuck, he was lying and they both knew it. Light could see it in the detective's eyes that he knew, and he was doing it again, smiling at him like _that_.

That smile suited L better than Light would have liked.

"Rape, you called it…yes?" Light dropped his eyes, because he could not look at that smile anymore, it was just so goddamn enraging.

"Yeah…I did."

"Well…Let it be known then, that Light Yagami has confessed to enjoying it." L turned and stretched out on the bed, and Light _would_ have been able to breathe if the detective hadn't just _said_ what Light _thought_ he said.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You told me it 'Felt nice', Light-kun…or do you not remember?" L rolled his eyes to the ceiling, as though thinking. "I think it was just before you tilted your head back and offered me your throat…Just as Misa did for you earlier, did she not?"

Fucking hell, Light would kill him. Kill him slowly, and put him in the record book for the longest recorded heart attack, the smug bastard. His fists clenched of their own accord, and if he thought he could have stopped once he started, he'd have punched that so-tender stomach with all his might.

"And I'm sure you watched with the same livid fascination, you freak."

"You're one to speak of fascination, Light-kun. Shall I replay the video?"

"At least I didn't purr."

"At least I had the common sense not to _open my mouth_."

Light would kill him. L would fucking _die_, fall writhing on the fucking _floor_. All because he couldn't keep his damn mouth shut, he'd lost whatever minimal advantage he'd won today. Simply because the detective had asked, and yes, he had fucking answered. Years, over half his life, spent lying, and he couldn't do it when he really needed to…and he really didn't even know what he'd said. The irony made him gag.

He briefly wondered if one could commit suicide with a Death Note.


	12. Damn Mozart

AN- I quoted myself here. The music notation _(This stuff in Italics and Parenthesis)_, is from Violins, Light. Light regains some composure here, while L...doesn't. Yeah...I'd have killed him. Killed him dead. -Kani._  
_

"What's the matter, Light-kun? Have you grown attached to the room?" Light glanced up from where his hands had paused in their mindless task of packing. Everything he had in the room could fit in this one box, bathroom supplies included. He should have been done an hour ago. L pulled a clean shirt over his head and began toweling his hair, regarding him quietly. He left the drawer open, just to get on Light's nerves.

"Hardly." He folded another shirt and set it inside. The majority of his wardrobe had been moved to the other suite as he wore it, Watari just stocking the dresser there until very little remained in this one.

L had changed the rules. Light had spent all of that night and all of the next day considering whether he was really going to keep playing. He'd gone into it thinking that he'd have it won in a matter of days, and instead, just when he felt he'd sealed his dominance into place, L had literally knocked the wind out him. He'd changed everything…Light really didn't know if he was comfortable playing the game when it became that…deep. Whatever L had done really did not sit well with him at all. He hadn't slept, and he was glad it was the weekend…he'd have been unable to work anyway.

Light wandered over to the computer desk, peering at the monitor.

"So…is this coming to my room or do I get another one?"

"I don't necessarily have to provide you with a computer, Light-kun."

"I'll be more productive if I have one." He idly clicked around a bit.

"You're terribly spoiled you know. I suppose I haven't helped much."

"Well…being chained to a multi-millionaire does have some perks." He reached for the speakers and turned them up, fiddling with the dial.

"Light-kun, may I ask what you are doing? You should be packing."

"Mmmhmm…" Light gave a non-committal shrug and refused to turn around.

_Click._

_(Violins…soft, like bird's wings….)_ L's eyes widened slowly.

"Light-kun, turn that off."

"…No." L frowned, tossing the towel to the bed as he headed over to the desk.

The second his hand touched Light's shoulder, Light whirled, his fist slamming squarely into the detective's chest. L felt his air leave in him with decided rush, and then he was falling. He hit the bed hard, bouncing slightly.

(_The voices came, a choral ensemble to rival the deities. He felt himself drift, slowly falling deeper into the song as it pulled him in. A small rise, like a tide coming in and he knew he was gone, feeling himself rise too, fully victim to the music drifting through his mind. A small rest, and his heart has picked up.)_

"Are you listening, L?" L gasped, trying to get his breath back as he picked himself up slowly. The music was loud, so loud that he could hear over his thudding heart, and that was really too much, in his opinion. He moved to slip past Light, and was promptly shoved back by a large hand in the center of his bruises.

"Listen." _(The violins take over the harmony again, light, taunting, and then the voices are high, full, alive…)_

And then Light was sitting across his hips, quite possibly the worst place L could think for him to be, and he couldn't kick from here, and the music was quite loud really, sinking into his blood like a drug. L felt his eyes close, and could he almost _hear_ Light smirking.

"Good." (_Oh God, Confutatis)_

"Yagami-kun, get off me."

"Oh, back to my surname are we? You always do that when you're having trouble distancing yourself." Light almost fell as the detective tried to buck him off. L's eyes shot open at his mistake, his breath catching.

"Ah, it seems you realize the genius of this position now. Unless you're willing to grind me, L, you're kind of stuck here." Light smirked again. "Sucks doesn't it?"

"You childish, arrogant, pig-headed son of a-" His head rocked to side as Light slapped him smartly across the cheek.

"No. Listen." _(The drums are back, merciless for the first few measures__ God, and L is not a religious man, but he prays now, he listens. He hears, he feels, and he trembles. The Latin slows, dropping into a sinful melody, sung by Satan himself, and then it stops…)_ L's fists clench and shoves at him, hard. Light just grabs his wrists, forcing them to the bed.

"Mildly hypnotic. To be spoken to like a trained dog. That's how you did it, isn't it? Hurt, and then refocus." _(Silence…)_ Light leaned in, raising his eyebrows expectantly as he glanced at the computer.

"Wait for it…wait…." _(And it begins again, the drums sending tremors through his very soul, and the violins too, dancing like fire. The voices are strong, defiant, loud, God they're so loud…)_ L fought him, feeling himself start to give under his curse. Light laughed and held him still, talking in that slow voice L had come to loathe simply because he couldn't ignore it. "Confutatis…Maledictus…Oh come now, L, you know the words."

If looks could kill…oh god if Looks could kill and _flammis acribus addictis, voca me cum benedictis! _ Holy God, he hated Light Yagami.

"Have you told your Father you're gay yet, or may I have the pleasure?" L snapped, unwilling to let himself drift even for a second because…because then…

"You're not listening, L." Oh but he was…he could hear the demons and angels he so loved in the background and really, he could kill him. Right now, he could murder Light Yagami and call it a day's work. Silence fell, and he flinched when the drums came back, unable to ignore them any longer. The dark voice of the chorus spoke to him, whispered into his ear and he was helpless.

Light could see him drifting away, and leaned down to put an ear to his chest. A moment later the tell-tale purr came to his ears, and he grinned. He'd won this time…He just had to hold out now. He waited another moment before carefully shifting off to one side, maintaining his grip on the detective's wrists.

Silence fell, and L couldn't breathe anymore. God this song was too much, damn Light, damn him, damn him, _damn him_!

Light grinned as L's purr grew louder in the short silence before the song repeated itself. He took a position on the edge of the bed, above him, and held him there. The drums came back, and he found himself wondering how the detective had developed this particular fetish in the first place. A sudden jerk at his hands almost caught him off-guard and he tightened his grip. L's lips parted slightly as Confutatis hit its high note, and then he was gone, lost completely to the music. Light was highly amused by this, but that sick feeling was sliding into his stomach, the unpleasant tightening that asked him just what the _hell_ he was doing.

L rolled to his side, curling up protectively as tremors ran up and down his spine. The violins, loud and merciless, rang in his ears, and he wanted to play. He wanted to play, he wanted to listen, he wanted…

NO. He would not even consider that, but it was there, hovering in the back of his mind. He fought it…he would not be weak in front of Light Yagami.

But God, if this kept up…if he…if Light didn't…

"Turn it off." The voice came unexpectedly, and Light almost missed it. It drew him from his thought as his eyes left the computer to glance down at the detective.

"Come again?"

"Turn…turn it off."

"…No…No, I don't think I will." L didn't trust himself to speak without moaning, so he waited until the next silence, his heart pounding in his ears.

"Light, you have to turn it off." Light glanced down in real surprise then. It was the first time the detective had addressed him that way…no honorifics, but still familiar. Had he really gotten that far, that the detective didn't care about the intimate slip? It was something to ponder.

"I don't _have_ to do anything." L glared up at him.

"Do you want…me to beg or something?" He bit his lip as the music came back, and why did it seem so loud now? Why? Light pretended to consider this.

"Intriguing as that sounds, I'm afraid that's not good enough. You drew blood."

"You…let…ah, fuck turn it OFF!" L writhed in his grip, back arching slightly, and while it wasn't the kind of writhing Light had in mind, it was something, certainly.

"No. I won't." L's fists were clenched as he held himself back, and Light's eyes flashed in triumph as a low moan rang from his throat.

L was fighting a losing battle. He could feel the tension in every muscle as he lay there. He said the first thing that came to his clouded mind.

"I'll fight you."

"What was that?"

"I'll…damn it, I'll fight you, Light."

"I think you'll do that one way or the other, L." Light leaned down to talk just beside his ear, knowing exactly what the sound did to him.

"I think you're very close now, and if I don't stop it soon, you're going to be very embarrassed. I think you'll be furious with me, and you'll try to beat me within an inch of my life."

"Sound…logic, Light, I must admit…I…God, turn it off you bastard!"

"Now, Now…there's no need for name calling." The music fell quiet, and L relaxed, panting.

"I think that if I turn it off now, you're still going to be very angry with me, L." Light transferred both his wrists to one hand carefully. "I also think that if I were to…play, with you right now, you'll end this a lot sooner than expected, yes?"

L paled visibly, staring at that free hand like it was covered in broken glass. "Don't touch me."

"Oh I wouldn't be so crude." L looked away, because his tormented mind had taken that somewhere it should _not_ have gone. Light laughed again.

"Well, you are in a mood, aren't you?" Light slipped his hand under the detective's chin, reveling in the harsh pulse beneath his palm. L inhaled sharply, eyes snapping back to the younger man's.

"Light don't-"

"Yes, even that helps, doesn't it? It's almost sad." Light could feel the steady rumble of L's purr, a quiet vibration beneath the skin. "You don't even realize you're purring, do you?"

L shook his head, warily. Then the drums came back and oh fuck, he was going to go insane. "Turn it OFF, Light! Damn you!"

"No. Not yet. We aren't done negotiating." The hand at his throat began petting lightly, and all conscious thought deserted him for a moment. "Don't do that…don't…Light stop it!"

He did…for a moment. He waited until L relaxed a fraction, then moved his hand again, bringing it up to scratch the detective's ear like the cat he sounded like. Something between a growl and a whimper rang from his lips and Light just shook his head. Really, this was too easy…just too damn easy.

"Fucking Hell, Light…what do you Want?!"

"Hmm…I don't know, L."

"Figure it out. Now. Or I swear before God I will castrate you with a plastic spoon!" Light laughed…honestly laughed, at that. He laughed for a long moment, and L wondered how he could laugh and keep…keep touching him, at the same time.

"Hmm…how about this? I'm going to torture you for another few minutes, I think…just to get you good and angry…"

"No need to wait, I'm there you piece of-" Light let his nails bite in, really bite, and L's insult died on a sharp gasp as his eyes closed. The music fell quiet again, but there was no relief, not with Light's nails, his fucking claws just there, beneath his ear, working harshly in circles that were completely fracturing L's control…shattering it, really.

"Then I'm going to let you go…and I'm going to finish packing."

"Not if…I'm painting the walls…with you, you won't, you sadistic little fuck, Let me GO!" L bucked once, and Light leaned down again putting on his best Kira-quiet voice for the occasion.

"If you want me to stop, then pay attention. I'll let you go…but I want you to do _Nothing_. Understand?" Light pulled his nails back through the damp hair in slow circles, trailing lazily across the skin and back to the ear he was whispering into.

"Light, stop it, just stop it…I…Fuck, Light, TURN THE FUCKING MUSIC OFF!" The drums were back and yes, yes L was crazy, he was fucking insane, gone to the world…

"Will you behave?"

"I…what?!"

"You won't lay a hand on me. Just lie there and be good?"

"I…I don't…Oh fuck it, YES! YES whatever the FUCK you WANT!!!"

"If you don't, I'll tie you to bed and leave you here for Watari to find. How long do you think you'd last hmm?" He drug his nails down, over the highly-sensitive skin at his throat, and L choked a moan back, refusing to be weak, he would not, he would NOT…

"Fine… FINE, just turn it off!"

"Good boy." Light continued to torment him for another moment, as he promised, and L was ranting at him. Finally, he let him go, and L flew to the computer. The music died abruptly.

"It is a catchy little tune, isn't it, L?" L turned to stare at him, perched on the edge of the bed and smirking.

"Get your shit, and get out of my room. Now."


	13. Change, The Unlucky Chapter

AN- Um...Get ready. This is...something, I think. Elaboration in next chapter, promise. -Kani

There were few things in the world that Light could not stand. Very few things that he simply could not tolerate. So few were they, in fact, that he could count them on one hand. They were as follows, in increasing order by annoyance: College Students, Misa Amane, Criminals, The Greatest Detective in the World…and being ignored.

Light _hated_ being ignored…even by someone he hated. One does not ignore Light Yagami…Light Yagami is Kira. One does not ignore Kira, a man who can kill with a pencil and some free time.

L ignored Light Yagami, however.

What's more, L, the Greatest Detective in the la de frickin' da World…ignored him for four days. Four days….and he played the game well too. There was an email every morning, laying out his day's work, and while he was working in the investigation room, his meals were served in his _room_. Meaning, that if Light Yagami wanted food, he must return to his room like a trained monkey, and await food service from one also silent and distant old man. Never a word spoken, not even a good morning, and L had always said good morning…no matter how badly they'd been at it the day before. Yes, he was much better at it than a woman, he simply detached, and did not come back. Light even stole his foul little cookies all day, and the bastard did nothing, didn't glance in his direction.

Light hated being ignored.

In one of his greater moments of self-pity, and unrestrained loathing, he even considered the possibility that he had gone too far, in taking L's song and abusing it as he had. He'd ditched that idea the second he changed clothes however. The faint red line at his collarbone never failed to incense him on sight, and leave him angry for a good four hours after. In some ways, he supposed he was lucky that L was ignoring him, because the first four hours of the work day would have been hell if they'd taken to snapping at one another. Light was perfectly vicious about that little cut.

He knew it shouldn't matter. He knew that he should have been glad of it, to have some free time to finish adjusting to this new life before he took it from the detective. He should have been gloating about his upcoming victory, and he should have glad that the man was leaving him alone. It was a rarity, to be sure.

But L had changed it.

He hadn't just changed it, he'd fucked it up so badly that Light didn't know left from right anymore. All he knew was that it mattered…L mattered, and it was going to drive him insane. He'd known what it was like to have the detective focus on him, fear him, and L was right, it was addictive. More addictive than it had any right to be. He'd resisted the urge to go taunt his old roommate in the middle of the night. He had admit, it was almost strange to sleep alone after so long. It was strange to not be able to reach out and touch the detective, to not have him hovering over his shoulder every waking moment. He'd refused to cave to that, however. After all, what did it matter if a dead man-walking was mad at him, hmm? After all, Light was going to _kill_ him.

L had to make it personal though, didn't he? The bastard, he had to take every opportunity he could to make him squirm in frustration. One did not ignore Kira. It just didn't happen.

XXXX

L had been impressed really…Four days was longer than he'd have credited Light. He'd initially given him a day…maybe two. If Light was anything, however, it was arrogant, so when he finally did come storming through L's door Tuesday evening, it was hardly a surprise. The first punch was, however.

Light had come in and without a word stalked over to his desk and spun his chair around. The first blow sent him tumbling to the floor, dazed and wondering what he'd done this time. He was picking himself up when Light made the mistake of glancing at the screen. L had been working on that set of private reports, putting evidence together against him. The idea of it seemed to shock him, but L thought it was the length of it really. He'd been working on it for a while, carefully cataloging his information, assigning surveillance clips to certain sections…

He was glad he saved frequently, because Light reached over and pressed the power button on the small machine. Annoying, yes, but it gave L the time to send a kick into the younger man's side. Light was in a mood however, and the blow hardly moved him, though he was sure it was locking his chest up. He grabbed his ankle, and a memory of the last fight, of his knee popping and the excruciating pain that followed sprung to L's mind with a shock of apprehension. He wrenched out the grip and backed up. Light had him trapped between the wall and the bed, and L did not like being here. He wasn't sure what had brought the mood on, but it was not good.

Light tried to calm himself, taking his jacket off and tossing it over the chair he'd just knocked L out of. Really, he'd tried to control his temper, but he was volatile man by nature, and by the time he'd finally snapped and set off to find the detective, he was seething. He unbuttoned and rolled his sleeves up as L picked himself up off the floor and regarded him quietly. He wasn't talking, which was a relief, because Light did not want to talk this one out. It'd felt like forever since their last honest-to-God fight, and that's what Light wanted. They'd been playing a different game the last week or so, and the frustration was finally driving him insane. The sight of the damn report certainly didn't improve his mood any. There was no way that L had twenty pages of circumstantial evidence on him…no way in hell. He had to be reaching for it…but still, it didn't sit well with him. He'd have to delete it all as soon as the detective was dead. For now, he was going to enjoy beating the hell out of him, simply because he could and he needed the stress relief. It would be good, he thought, to be able to hurt the detective without worrying about ulterior motives for a while. Like it used to be…before the game started.

L was a man given to action. He always had been, action, control, and reaction…he understood perfectly why Light was here and what he wanted. After the hell of the last week or so, it sounded wonderful. They'd done nothing but drive each other insane…they'd done it so much that it had almost become a hobby. L wished he'd had the strength to ignore Light earlier, because then he might have stopped the last week or torture from happening. If he'd ignored him, if he'd just ignored those hands on his wrists, he might have been spared the fraying of his mind. Like a rope stretched too thin, he was sick of calculating things…and if Light wanted an all out fist-fight to ease the tension, then fine and good. _Bring it, you murdering piece of trash._

Light must have seen the challenge in his eyes, because he smiled and picked up the stapler. L flinched as it hit the wall a foot from his head, but it served its purpose as a distraction, because suddenly Light was in his face with a sharp uppercut. L jerked to the side, but not enough, and the harsh friction burn of skin of skin lit up his cheek as Light's knuckles skidded across. It hurt, like a candle burn, but there wasn't time, no time at all. He brought his elbow up and caught Light across the jaw. The shock whipped his head to the side, and L shoved him, hard. Light stumbled back into the rolling chair, but there was no support to be had there, and while it went sliding into the opposite wall, Light hit the ground. It hurt, but not badly and he was up just in time for L to punt him the face. L backed up and climbed over the bed to the slightly larger open area in front of the door, a place where he could move freely.

Light shook his head to clear it and got up quickly. Oh god, he was angry. The fine line at the bridge of his nose was evident, and L took note of it, filing it away for later comparison. Then Light was on him and he couldn't think any more. His stomach was almost healed, almost, so when Light shoved a fist there, there was no buffer for the new pain. It was sharp, sweet, and everything it should have been. L never thought he'd say it, but it'd been too long since he was last punched in the stomach. The idea brought a wry grin to his face, but then that was gone too as Light punched him again. Stars danced in the detective's eyes for a moment, and he grabbed a fistful of Light's hair and returned the favor.

"How many…stars, Light-kun?" L asked, slightly breathless. The color was high in his cheeks, reminding Light of when he'd walked into see him considering his abuse of Misa. He shoved the thought away, because this was not about the game.

"What?" L winced as Light's hand fisted in his shirt and shoved him back against the wall. The collar stretched tight against the back of his neck before it ripped under the strain. L kicked him in irritation.

"You're just determined to…ruin my wardrobe."

"You're destroying my life…fair exchange." Light dropped him backing up as he favored his left leg. The detective's foot had caught the inside of his thigh, and it was disrupting the blood flow, not to mention burning like hell. L pressed his advantage, pushing him back even further as he lashed out with another kick. It didn't land and Light dove for him, sending them both crashing into the dresser. L briefly considered trying to choke him, but no that was too close to the game…better not to. He settled for sweeping him off his feet and dropping a knee into his stomach. Light yelped, and L stared at him in surprise. Light had never made noise while they fought…ever. Light seemed to realize what he'd done, and L's moment of shock had cost him the advantage. Light rolled them, and stood quickly. He wasn't ready to take this to the ground just yet. L stood, and Light's fist cracked into his temple, setting off fireworks just behind his eyes. L could feel his heart pounding and it was slowly starting to center just behind his eyes. Another headache in the making…wonderful…He supposed this was one of the drawbacks of his diet.

"How's the new bedroom?" L rubbed the spot of impact ruefully, and ducked the next one, slipping under Light's arms to punch just above his hip.

"Ack…shit, It's great! No…peeping toms…" Light hammer-fisted the center of L's back, just between the shoulder blades. L hit the ground, feeling his bent spine crack as pressure evaporated. Unlike his knee, that was rather…

"Well, that was nice." He panted, rolling his shoulders as he picked himself up. Light hadn't heard him, still nursing the vital spot that L had hit with last blow.

"Just fucking great…great room…shit…" Light felt sick to his stomach, and he knew that L had hit some organ or other. He fell back to sit on the edge of the bed, trying to catch his breath, and L fell back as well, sitting on the floor and watching him.

"Done…so soon, Light-kun?"

"Hardly…I think you knocked something out of place…" L chuckled.

"I owed you some of…that, I think. My stomach is this lovely green color…"

"Yeah? Hmm…" Light felt his stomach loosen, and the sickness slowly started to fade off. "Back feel better now?"

"Surprisingly, yes. I'll have to note the bruise location so I can pop it myself next time…"

" Heh, yeah…Okay…" Light straightened up tentatively, but no nausea came, his stomach didn't scream at him…

"Ready?"

"Yeah, Let's go." He didn't dare attack while L was on the ground…it was asking for a rib-crushing kick to the chest. Instead he let the detective come to him, catching a fragile wrist in one hand and ducking under it. L suddenly found himself with an arm behind his back, and he was really very glad, his back had loosened up, or else standing this tall would be quite painful.

"Aw, that's no fun Light-kun." He winced as Light drew him up even higher.

"How so?"

"Because…ah, we can't fight like this…pointless unless you're going to break my arm."

"Hadn't considered it, but now that you've brought it up…" L cursed in irritation as Light drew him up to his full height, because that _did_ hurt, no matter how loose his back was. Light gave a half-hearted sigh and shoved him. So he really didn't want to play today. L caught himself on the dresser and almost smiled. They were both still furious… but perhaps he'd just missed this.

"Come on, L we have work to do." Light snapped.

"As you wish." Light couldn't catch the slap, but bloody _hell_ it pissed him off. He _hated_ getting slapped….hated it with every ounce of pride in his body. It was so personal, so insulting…as though he didn't warrant a closed fist, as if he weren't enough of a threat. L did it just to get this reaction, he knew, but he didn't care, he lunged at him. Once, twice, three times he landed blows in his sudden fury. L swept him again, for lack of a better attack, and Light stumbled but didn't go down, lashing out one final time.

_Crack._

Light's hand caught the detective across the face. There was moment of stunned silence, because Light had never slapped the detective before. Ever. Perhaps he secretly respected him too much for it, but holy fuck it felt good to do it now. L brought fingers to his cheek and pulled them away, as thought expecting to find them crimson with blood. Nothing there, of course, and he slowly raised his eyes to meet Light's.

Light's heart stopped, fluttering in his chest like a dying bird. L looked…murderous. There was no other word to describe that expression. Kira at his worst came to mind, but no…this was something else. Something…completely sane…that's what it was. L was angry….really and truly angry, and Light didn't know what was going to happen next. He took an involuntary step back, and readied himself, brown eyes wide.

L felt…good. He was angry, yes, but he was also in that state of mind where things don't really matter anymore. When he moved, he didn't feel, and when he felt, he didn't care. A slow smile started on his face and try as he did, he couldn't stop it. Light even backed up a step, but that was fine, because he was moving forward. This was suddenly very personal, and L felt very alive.

It took all of Light's will power not to back up again when L came for him. Why should he be upset, why should he feel bad? After all, the detective was rather fond of slapping him about, why not share the experience? Steeled with that thought, Light took two steps and closed the distance between them with a new brutality. L's flashing kick made him gag, curling over his stomach but he pulled the man forward, off balance and sent them both tumbling to the ground. Light remained on top this time, and he quickly tried to pin L's legs.

Something changed in those few seconds, and neither would ever know what it was. It happened in that tense second when Light pulled back, fist clenched, and L stared up at him, waiting, defiant.

They met halfway, L's hand at the back of his neck, pulling himself up, and Light's fist broke, useless. Because when their lips met the world ceased to exist for a moment.


	14. Addictive Little Games

AN- Oh my god, this chapter is huge. O.o (Shock and amazement) Broke 3000 words before the An. I'm happy.

Also, Some of you seem to think that I've left them at a peck and called it a day. Shame on you...Do I seem like that kind of Author? So here's a bit of fan love since you all stuck with me. Enjoy your kiss, and take care. - Kani

L tasted sweet…but not. Like black coffee would…even with sugar, it has that bite to it that never quite goes away…exactly like Light drank his coffee…perfect. That's the first thing that registered once his heart started beating again. The kiss wasn't brutal, but it was hard. Light tried to control it, taking his time, trying to use some of his considerable skill but the detective was having none of it. Who was he kidding, anyway…he wanted it just as roughly, and he gave up on the niceties and just took it.

Light tasted like brandy, a fine scotch that skipped the tongue and went straight to his blood. It was hot and sharp, he knew better than to allow this. He knew better, but god who was he kidding…he'd wanted this since the moment Light took the kiss from Misa in the investigation room. He'd wanted it, he'd needed it just once, and here it was and he was taking it. Light tried to dominate it at first, but no, no if he did that, L would be completely lost.

There really wasn't a dominant, when it came down to it. L held Light still, moving to his knees and then tilting his head back as he took a moment to just rape the younger man's mouth. Light lost his breath under the slow attack, reaching forward to hook L around the knees and pull him into his lap, trusting the bed to catch him when he leaned back. The kiss leveled out again, and Light took his turn, drinking deep. His hands slipped up into the detective's hair and stroked there, scratching his ears, petting. The resounding purr robbed him of all coherent thought as he _felt_ it dancing across his tongue, through his lips. He made an appreciative sound in response, not quite a moan, and tilted L back again. L refused to go, pushing back and making it harsh again as drug his nails down Light's back.

Light broke the kiss on a gasp, back arching beneath the touch. L dove for his neck, placing feverish, hot kisses up to his jaw.

"L…what…" L kissed him again, panting.

"_Don't_….don't think yet…just not yet…" And they were gone again, because Light was incapable of thought when L was biting at his lower lip, coaxing his lips open and taking the kiss back. God he couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, and this was L, why was this L creating a delicious pressure on his hips, why was this L robbing him of all remaining control and thought…and God it was good. It was just…good.

L felt Light relax beneath him and let up a bit. The mistake was a resounding one as Light's hands suddenly fisted in his hair, making him shiver, and then he was gone as Light forcibly slowed the kiss down. He pulled L in tight, holding him still, and he made him feel stupid in the ways of kissing. God he was so lost in this, and why were they doing this again? L was aware of the small sounds he was making beneath this force of Nature that was Light Yagami, and he really didn't give a damn, because Light was holding him closer, growling into his mouth as though daring him to escape. L nipped at that talented tongue, playing with it, pushing him further.

Several moments later, they pulled away, panting. A moment of silence and both watched the other's eyes widen in shock. Light leaned in again, and caught himself, pulling back to just stare. His hand came to his mouth, where he could still taste the sweetness on his lips. L shrank back, away, unable to think, and he scrambled backwards, out of his lap.

"L…" L shook his head, because no, sorry, he had no fucking clue what had just happened either. Light's licked his lips slowly as the gears in his mind started working again, slowly, so slowly. The sight made L shiver, because God, didn't Light just lick _his_ lips like that? No that was unthinkable, unreal. He bit his lip and knew he was wrong, because he could still taste Light's mouth, the fire that had rooted itself into his brain just shut it the fuck down, and if he never thought clearly again, he thought that taste was worth it.

Light stumbled to his feet, staring at L like he'd never seen him before. L watched as he shook his head slowly, the full magnitude of the situation sinking in, and then he turned and fled. The door was barely open and he was gone, running for all he was worth. L stared after him, hearing the pounding footsteps that echoed in the stairwell. After a moment, he got up and walked over to the keypad, pressing the buttons almost in a daze. A single, sustained beep, and he knew that somewhere in the building, Light Yagami was cursing his mother and wishing a pox on his future children as the building sealed itself shut, all doors locking.

A beep from his desk and Watari's voice came from microphone.

"L, what's wrong? What's happened?" He half walked, half stumbled over to the desk.

"I…Light tried to run. I have him in the stairwell. I apologize for the inconvenience but please use your code for the doors. I'll go find him in a moment." He took a deep breath. "I believe a talk is in order."

"Understood, L. Tea later?" L turned and stared at the open door, half lost to his thoughts again. "Yes…yes tea would be nice, Watari. Thank you." And if Watari noticed that he called him Light, he said nothing on it, as a discreet friend should.

XXXX

A pox on him and his spawn, Light thought as he kicked the solid door at the base of the stairwell. Three floors, he'd made it, and now he was stuck between the eighth and ninth floor like a rat in a trap. He sat down and waited, because he knew that L would be coming. God this was one conversation he was not looking forward to. Just what the hell had happened? Kira didn't, no fuck Kira, _Light Yagami_ didn't kiss people. He just didn't…not like that. That was soul-baring, that little adventure upstairs…with another man…with L. Light's stomach turned as though someone had just punched him when the realization finally sunk in.

He'd kissed L.

He didn't know why, or how, but the detective had kissed him…He…L…_They_ kissed, because L had pulled him down into it. Not that that made it any easier to deal with, but he supposed it'd be worse if he were the only one to blame. He rested his head in his hands and tried to remember what breathing felt like.

Instead the feel of L's lips against his came to mind. The way his white teeth felt on Light's lower lip and the silken feel of his tongue and…

Light was having a mental breakdown.

This had to be what going crazy felt like. Why did it matter, if he gave a little ground, he'd told himself. What did another day of L still living matter? What harm could come from letting him walk, from reserving him for Light's private amusement?

This. This insanity that he'd just committed up there on the bedroom floor. He'd pulled him into his _lap_, for God's sake… he'd teased a purr and quite a few other sounds from the older man, sounds that made his heart pick up when he recalled them now.

It didn't feel real. He felt like someone else, someone who'd just woken from a dream. Where was the mirror? Where were the white rabbits and mad hatters?

He wondered how long until the detective came looking for him. He wondered when he'd first started craving that…that kiss. Thinking on it now, he supposed it had to be the night L cut him, when he'd smirked back at him. The night he'd first smiled that chesire smile that Light had down to art. It had been disconcerting to see that face on someone else, and he supposed he knew why now. L had adopted it again when Light backhanded him during the fight. He'd slapped him.

No, that didn't seem real either, but his body told a different story. Already his muscles were starting to ache, there were bruises forming, and he was stiff.

He'd kissed L.

The realization hit him again, and god he was stuck here…in this cold empty stairwell, with nothing but that memory and the sound of his strained breathing. He remembered how L had drug his nails down his spine, how good it'd felt, the tremors that made him pull the detective closer. He remembered the moment he'd taken the kiss away from him, taught him how to…how to…Oh God, did he really do that to L? _L_?

He'd kissed L.

He remembered how he'd tilted his head to the side when L kissed his throat, how warm those lips had been against his skin. He remembered how he'd coaxed him into the second coupling, still shy, but more demanding. He remembered how L had taken it from him at first, tilted his head back and done wicked things to him, acting purely on instinct. He remembered, he remembered, god he was _going insane_.

Going insane, because his mind's eye took it farther, and recaptured that train of thought and forced him down the yellow brick road. He'd wanted to leave it, he just wanted it to go away, but it wouldn't, and now he could see himself biting just above the detective's shoulder. He imagined the sounds he'd make as he went further, moved up to taunt the detective's ear, L's ear, and he hated himself for it.

He was curling up, trying to hide from everything. He should have killed him days ago. A week ago…before this could happen. This should never have happened, and God he was such a fool.

It was L's fault.

He planned this.

Light tormented minds took that tiny shred of a lie and latched onto it for dear life. Yes, L had planned this, he had to have. Just to see what he'd do, how he'd react, how far he'd go…whether he'd give up control again. That sadistic…he should have killed him. He'd probably been planning this since that night with the razor, when…

Oh God, he shouldn't think about that, not right now, not when he was in this state of mind. He remembered the smirk, that damn smile, and his mind ran away again, this time seeing the detective push him back down and licking the blood off of his chest.

NO!

No, he would NOT.

He should have killed him. L, and Watari, should be lying cold in the ground somewhere.

And he didn't.

Because L had changed it…damn it, L had changed everything.

XXXX

L had a general idea where Light was. That didn't keep him from wondering the building almost aimlessly until he was ready to face him. He'd tried to stay in the bedroom, but he couldn't…not after…not after he'd…

He chalked it up to Light working at his self-control tirelessly for days now…or better yet, since the day they met. So he'd…lost himself for a moment, that didn't mean it'd happen again. He had no idea what was running through Light's mind right now, however, and he supposed that was what he was worried about.

He had a feeling…just a gut instinct…that if he let Light Yagami go home now, he wouldn't live through the night. This…this was too much for either of them to handle right now, but he knew that at least to be true.

The rest a simple matter of deluding himself into rationalism. L was not a sentimental person, but sentiment had nothing to do with addiction. Whatever had just passed between them took Light's 'Game' and made it child's play. They were stepping into serious territory here, and L himself…was absolutely terrified. If he could have backed up, he would have. He'd have backed up, run his life so far backwards that he'd never met Light Yagami, never accepted the Kira case.

They'd tossed desire around in third person. They played with the notion of control like a brightly colored ball, always handing it off before it got comfortable in their hands. Desire was something inspired by other things, Music, People, Power…whatever they could find and use as a tool, anything but each other and themselves.

Tonight they'd shoved that into a furnace and watched it burn.

There was no going back from wherever they were going, and L didn't quite know what to do about it. And the only other person he could talk to about it was currently in the fetal position in an empty stairwell, trying to think either L or himself to death…most likely both.

This promised to be a long night.

XXXX

Light barely registered the door opening and closing again. L sat at the top of the stairs, looking down at him with his arms around his knees.

"Light…"

"Don't talk to me."

"We need to talk, Light."

"About what L? You got me again, congratulations, la de fuckin' da…"

"Light this isn't about your game."

"My Game? My game, now is it?"

"It always was, Light."

"You seem to be a hell of a lot better at _My Game_, than I am, L."

"I don't understand."

"Tell me, what made you decided to skip all the other shit and get straight to a kiss? Hmm? Because I've been sitting here, considering your options and there were dozens for you to choose from."

"Light, I didn't-"

"Don't interrupt me." L pressed his mouth against his knee. He certainly hadn't seen this one coming…Did Light really think he'd planned the… kiss? L had trouble with the word. Did Light really think him capable of something that heartless?

Apparently.

"I'm serious, you know…You could have pulled my hair, stolen my clothes, Hell I think I'd have preferred another cutting session to what you just did."

"One cut is hardly a session." He saw Light shiver, and wished he could climb inside his mind and sort out all the nonsense he must be wading through…He wasn't even coherent in his thoughts.

"And what We just did, if you don't mind. You were a willing participant, so please don't delude yourself into thinking otherwise. It'll just make this that much more complicated."

"Fuck you, L. Spare me your noble cause speeches, because I can't stand the sound of your voice right now." L felt a pang of something in his chest, something harsh, and he grabbed at it. Irritation? Frustration perhaps…both suited it somewhat, so he applied them.

"Light, I did not 'plan' to…for that to happen." L couldn't bring himself to say it in his head, much less out loud.

"Stop calling me that. A kiss does not make us intimate."

"I'd like to know what your definition of intimate is then. Do the power games not apply? How is the endeavor to control another person not intimate? There is no control without knowledge of your victim, and the very idea suggests a much closer bond than mere friends could have."

"I never claimed to be your friend."

"No…but you tried to be my master. Light, you-"

"Stop calling me that!"

"Fine. Light_-kun_, you have to understand that a master-subject relationship is much more…involved…than other types of camaraderie. It cannot be taken lightly, because gentility is not in its nature. It is a heavy-handed, complete thing."

"L, I really wish you would stop talking right now."

"I will not, because I know that you have no choice but to listen. You're too arrogant to put your fingers in your ears and sing to drown me out."

"…True."

"As I was saying. Whether you like it or not, we are intimate, Light-kun. We were intimate before we ever lay hand on one another back in that room. We were intimate the second you touched me, and I did not push you away." L paused…

"And you will accept equal guilt in this matter, Light, because I'm not in the mood to listen to you whine about it being otherwise. You owe me that much at least. I never considered it a 'game', and it was you that named it thus. I am not entirely sure how you can consider a battle for one's soul humorous enough to be a game…but as you can see, it is anything but."

"L…Shut up…"

"I will when I have finished, I promise. I just wanted you to understand why this happened. It was bound to sooner or later. I thought perhaps if I scared you badly enough, you would drop it and leave me be. You proved me wrong the very next morning. To own some one is to work your way into their soul, Light-kun. It is to rip them apart so badly, that they actually reach to you to help put them back together again. It is not, nor will it ever be, a game."

"L?"

"Yes?"

"Please. Just leave me alone for a minute." L's eyes widened. Light had never said please…for anything. This must have affected him more than L thought. He stood and slowly made his way down the stairs, so that he could sit across from the teen. Light raised his head and regarded him quietly as L mirrored his position at the other end of the step.

"We've made a quite a mess of things, haven't we?"

"Yes, we have."

"And we can't exactly fix them either."

"No we can't."

"I thought not." Light couldn't look at him anymore, so he instead turned to stare at the wall to his left.

"So what happens next?" L rolled his eyes to the ceiling for a moment as he considered it.

"Apparently, somewhere along the way desire refocused…we'd been trying to avoid it by keeping it apart from ourselves and each other. However, you can only toss a lit candle around so much before you burn yourself. It was inevitable, I suppose. It had to narrow eventually in our battle for power. Now it's landed here, between us. I suppose we shall just have to work around it, somehow."

"Pretend this never happened?" Light sounded almost hopeful, and it was amusing.

"Let me know the day you convince yourself of that, Light-kun." Light sighed. L glanced at him.

"You're still angry aren't you, Light?"

"Yes. I'm amazed you can be so civil. I want to throttle you right now."

"I promise that I did not plan the…the…"

"Kiss, L. It was a fucking Kiss."

"Adequately described."

"L, don't make me hurt you…I'm not in the mood."

"No, you are. That is the problem."

"L…shut the fuck up. Your attempts at humor are not appreciated." Light sighed and uncurled, obviously trying to come to terms with himself. He stretched out on the steps, propping himself up on his elbows, and L was careful to look away.

"Fair enough."

"I still don't completely believe you…about it not being planned."

"I suppose I just saw this coming. It's more a matter of experience than knowledge."

"I really don't care if you saw it coming…in fact that kind of makes it worse."

"Would it help if I told you I had no idea how it would happen?"

"Not in the slightest."

"I'll stop pointing it out then."

"Solid decision, L." They fell quiet again, and L could feel the heat coming off of the younger man. Light was obviously very, very angry…somehow, his restraint only made it worse. Light usually acted on his anger…L had never seen him lock it away like this.

"L?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't ever kiss me again."

"That is entirely dependant on you and your 'Game', Light. In truth, that's what this entire situation comes down to…your addictive little game."


	15. Sleep and Lack of it

L had tried to watch it objectively. He truly did. He wanted to see if there were any external stimuli, if perhaps Light had planned it…he wouldn't put it past the boys acting ability. There had been nothing, however…just two young men enjoying a good fight, and then quite literally raping each other's mouths. He supposed it was a mistake to watch it before heading down stairs to the Investigation Room. It was not something that he needed to ponder there. He supposed he'd really watched it in hopes that Light had hit him, and he'd fallen unconscious, and dreamed the entire situation. A fragile hope, really, there was a 2 percent chance that that could happen, but he'd tried anyway. He walked into the Investigation Room with a quiet good morning to Mogi and Soichiro, and then he was at his desk without another word.

Light had tried to watch it objectively. He truly did. He wanted to know what the hell happened, because his memory was too fond of the sensory information and not the logical details. He had no idea whether L could act or not, but it was worth looking for. The only problem lay when the kiss actually started. He couldn't watch it. He couldn't look at himself, he couldn't hear himself…he couldn't stand it. He'd plugged his laptop up to the huge TV Misa had left for him, and turned the resolution all the way up, trying to see what in God's name had gone wrong. Two young men, enjoying a fight…and simultaneously going crazy? He wasn't that lucky. Hell, he admitted that The Game, as he'd began referring to it, had created a lot of sexual tension in them both, but he never dreamed that it was actually between them. He thought it was just…there. L had said that it refocused, and Light had to admit he was right…somewhere along the way they'd lost control of this. Ah well, at least he had the pleasure of knowing that L caved first. If L lost himself, it was the night Light touched him. Still as he dressed and headed downstairs, he wondered to himself why he couldn't watch it. Perhaps it was the Kira in him.

L knew when Light entered because the room went unbelievably silent. He was an hour late, and L had just turned to tell him so when he got a good look at him.

He looked terrible.

And yet, he looked good.

He'd obviously not slept at all after…after…The Incident, as L had come to call it. He stood before them in less than half of usual glory…hell, he looked down right shabby. He muttered a hoarse good morning and stumbled to his desk. No one had the heart to answer him…not even L. His shirt was buttoned unevenly, and only one side was tucked in. His hair was the absolute wreck that L remembered only happened when he couldn't sleep and tried anyway…usually that ended up with his head shoved under the pillow until he passed out. L supposed that sleep had refused him last night, however, because he brushed his hair when he woke up. Non-brushing of the hair meant no sleep.

His belt wasn't even buckled.

At that point, L very carefully returned to his desk and tried to keep from laughing. He knew Light wouldn't make it through the day, but it made his morning to see him like this. He wasn't even sure why, but a small chuckle escaped, earning him a deadly glare…or as deadly as sleep-deprived Light could make it. Light's body was not trained to withstand long bouts of no sleep like L's was. L had taken classes on how to stay awake and still be functional…Light spoiled and pampered his body.

"Light…-kun, you will not last until lunch like that."

"I'm jest fine, thank you. I just haven't gotten that second wind yet…give me an hour or so."

"As you wish, but know that if you fall asleep at your desk, I will not carry you to your room." L paused…" And I won't let Watari do it, either."

"L…"

"Yes, Light-kun?"

"You're a bastard."

"Actually, my parents were married, but if you're referring to sentiment, then yes, I suppose I am."

God Light wanted to hit him. That required too much energy, though. He was still thinking fine, his brain worked, but his body seemed to have trouble keeping up. He could function…he could work.

XXXX

An hour later, L glanced over and sighed in irritation. Light was out cold, his head on his arms, a small smile on his face. L got up quietly and went to the mini fridge and extracted a bottle of chilled water. He returned to his desk to stand over the peacefully sleeping teen and quietly cleared his throat.

The team glanced up, and warning looks and grins broke out…even Light's father just chuckled and went back to work. He unscrewed the lid and up-ended the bottle over Light's neck, careful not to hit his equipment. As expected, Light woke violently, trembling. He stared up at L with this blank expression on his face, confused and cold, and not happy about it.

"Go to bed, Light-kun. Now."

"I don wan-"

"You're drunk on lack of sleep, Light-kun. I will not tolerate your presence any longer."

"But I-" L waved him off and turned to the team.

"Will one of you help me carry him?" Aizawa stood up, being the only man in short sleeves today. L had long ago told them to wear whatever they want, but most stuck to at least business casual. He walked over and lifted the wet Light from his seat.

"I'll kill you for this…"

"When you wake up, Light-kun. I'll lead, Aizawa-san…"

L led him to the elevator and they rode it the four floors up. L was slightly disoriented when he stepped from the elevator because he'd last entered this level from the stairs around the corner. He supposed it was nice to be here without some form of emergency driving him into a panic. He wondered what Light-kun had been up to all night. He'd locked the lower levels, and the roof, just to be safe, but he hadn't seen Light again once they'd left the stairs.

He entered his code and the door slid open. The lights were still on and so was Light's television. L froze, blocking the doorway. There on the screen, frozen in film, was the…the Incident. So he'd been up all night reviewing the situation…just as L had. Interesting, and entirely too annoying, because now L had to find a way to get Light into the room while keeping Aizawa out of it. If he just walked over to the computer and turned it off, that might work, but Aizawa would follow him in.

"What's the matter Ryuuzaki-san?"

"Um…Nothing…it's just…messier than I expected." Light weakly tried to flip him off and then paused. His brain just was not functioning today. Something though…something about his room. His room was spotless, it always had been…what could be messy?

The computer.

Light jerked so hard that Aizawa dropped him. He hit the ground hard, and shook his head to clear it. He was on his feet in a flash.

"Nothing, it's fine, I'm fine, bed, yes I know, Bye!" He shut the door in Aizawa's face.

And turned around to stare at L, who was looking highly amused by his sudden alertness.

"Damn you, L, get out!" He forcibly hauled the detective back to the door and opened it on the still shocked Aizawa. He threw the detective at the older man, flipped them both off, and pressed a button on the panel. The door slid shut again, and L gave in and laughed. Aizawa looked between him and door, surprised.

"It appears that I've missed something."

"Yes…yes, I'm afraid you have, Aizawa-san. Let's go back…he'll be fine."

XXXX

Light woke later that night in his own bed. The sheets still held that cloying cotton candy smell that was Misa, but it was so faint, it hardly bothered him. Except when he woke up…Light was usually incredibly sensitive when he first woke. As he came awake, all the details of the room slowly drifted into and out of his mind, and he always smelled cotton candy first. He'd liked it once, as a child, but he'd slowly lost his tasted for things so blatantly sugar as he matured. Now he did still eat sweets on occasion, but they were not the same. He liked refined things, like Tiramisu and fine coffees…he liked dark chocolates and fruits. The image of L dropping a plain sugar into his mouth came to mind, and he cringed inwardly. No, he could never go back to plain sugar…ever.

The sound of purr met his ears and he slowly opened his eyes. Across the room, the television was on, and he shut his eyes again, because he did not want to watch.

"You're awake."

Light rolled over and saw L perched in his desk hair, watching the screen. He wore an expression similar to Light's in the other video…simple fascination, and something slightly possessive on his features. The dark circles under his eyes were brutal in the strange lighting, and he noticed the beginnings of a black eye from their fight. The entire scene was undeniably disturbing. The light flashed over his face as the video progressed and with a sudden jerk, L brought the remote up and muted it. Light didn't like seeing him there…knowing he'd been while he slept, while Light was unguarded. Unguarded and L no longer went into same sentence, he decided. Never again would that happen.

"Time?"

"Roughly eight forty seven…"

"Hmm..." Light rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. After a moment, he realized that he would not allow himself to sleep once he knew L was in the room. He lifted his head again.

"L, what are you doing in here?"

"I came here with the intent to scold you for staying up all night and being useless to me today. After all, there were at least eight hours after we parted that I didn't see you, and if you'd come here and gone to bed, like you should have, then you would have been fine this morning. Instead, you wasted your time watching…watching this…and wracking your brain, and thus wasted another day of my valuable time. However, I figured watching this all night was punishment enough in its own right, so I decided to leave you be."

"And so ends the scolding."

"I suppose that was a lecture after all. Light-kun, I have a question."

"I don't want to know, do I?"

"Most likely not, but it is a technical question, so perhaps it won't be so bad." Light sighed, hiding in his pillow again. A muffled sound that could have been 'fine' trickled through the feathers and L nodded to himself.

"Here, look." He backed the video up a bit. Light raised his head and frowned at the screen. What did he want to know about that?

"Oh, no…what?"

"If you pay very close attention, just…there." L paused it again.

"What?" Light didn't want to look at the screen anymore, but he forced himself to, trying to find the detail that L was showing him. It was a few minutes into the kiss (he knew that they'd gone at it for twelve minutes, in fact), just after Light had pulled the detective into his lap and retaken control.

"What am I looking for?"

"My toes curled."

"Oh, God, what is your _point_? Do you even have one?" L pressed play, and Light flushed all the way to tips of his ears…he still hadn't had the nerve to actually watch the clip.

"And there again…twice…"

"L…" L put his thumb to his lips in thought, nibbling at it for a moment.

"I was wondering what you did." Light turned to gawk at him.

"Come again?!"

"I wanted to know what you did…to make my toes curl like that. I don't remember what it was. I remember feeling it…And I remember thinking that it required some skill…" Light wanted to die, just curl up and fucking die, right there. Right now. _Ryuk, where the hell are you?_ "…And I remember that it was quite…ah…enjoyable. I was curious.

"I don't _Know_…" Light rolled over and sat up, glancing between L and the screen like someone had just informed him that Misa was pregnant.

"I don't know what I did…and why…what….Get out."

"It was merely a question, Light-kun. There's no reason to be upset."

"Just get the hell out. Now."

"Light, that's quite rude of you, you know…"

"OUT!" The detective didn't move, so Light got out of his warm bed and fisted a hand in his collar. He escorted him to the door and literally threw him out on his ear. The last thing L saw was a very angry Light, shirtless and promising nine kinds of hell with his eyes. Then the door was shut and he could dimly here him turning the television off and throwing the remote at the door.

A smirk spread on his lips as he picked himself up and dusted his shirt off.

"Game…Set…Match."


	16. Loss of Light

AN- This chapter is not for the weak of heart and or stomach. If blood bothers you, I'm sorry, but you might want to skip this one. Also, I've been informed that I'm becoming repetitive. Does anyone else feel this way? Pm me if you do. -Kani

Light was in a mood. There was no other word for it. He was perfectly bestial after he threw the detective out, and that damn image wasn't helping. He'd paused it, just to shut that sound away, and managed to freeze the frame where the detective had ducked to reach his throat. His own expression made him gag, and he felt entirely unclean as his memory forced that sensation on him again and made him shiver. He turned it off completely and went to take his shower. While in there, his mind had run away again, playing with all sorts of unreasonable theories. Then he came across something that made him stumble, a nugget of truth that completely him shut him down as he thought about it.

L had stolen his first real kiss. Now that he thought about it, that was the first kiss that he'd ever put effort into…the first kiss that he'd given for absolutely no reason. He'd kissed girls to shut them up, he'd kissed them to convince them to stop arguing with him, he'd kissed them to get something he wanted…

He hadn't wanted anything from L…except maybe a good beating in that way that young men do when they're upset. That was stress relief though. He hadn't been arguing with the detective, and now that he thought about it, he hadn't wanted the fight to end just yet either. No reason, nothing, just spontaneous…insanity. He couldn't bring himself to call it affection.

L had seen it coming. He'd said that he'd known where The Game was heading before that minor explosion. He said he hadn't known how it would play out, just that something was going to happen. He'd known. He didn't say anything.

Thinking on it now, Light realized that he likely wouldn't have listened to him anyway. He knew himself to be arrogant and slightly narcissistic, and L had lived with him for months, and made the same flawless deductions. Why would he waste his time explaining that they were headed for some form of…of intimacy…

Because he just fucking should have, damn him. He should have, and there was no excuse. Even if Light hadn't believed him, he'd have listened. He'd have backed up simply because the idea was ludicrous, sickening even. As much as he hated to admit it, the detective knew how to talk to him, how explain his reasoning without force feeding him the information. Light would have understood after…after the razor, because L obviously had experience in working with the human mind. While Light was an expert at emotion and seduction, L was an expert at trauma and persuasion, and both his fields dwarfed Light's as far as sheer expanse. L could have turned all of that powerful skill off for just a moment to take the time to explain that Light was screwing his life up. He probably knew where it was going the second Light had touched him, that night in the bathroom. There was no excuse, no reason he couldn't have said something.

L had joked about it.

L had…tried to make light of the situation, tried to make him laugh. Light Yagami did not laugh moments after surrendering his first kiss to _a man_. It just did not happen. Worse, it was another thing to add to the growing list of slights the detective had lined up against him. He'd made him feel guilt, he'd made him doubt himself, he'd mocked him, tricked him, lied to him, and in short….

Made him feel human.

Light Yagami was going to be God. He was creating a new world, one that he could live in with a fair amount of peace. L was not only holding him back, but making him doubt his own strength. He'd called them power games…L had said they were fighting for their very souls. That there was more in the balance than Light realized.

Fuck him.

Light had just been playing wrong. He'd actually salvaged a little bit of his dignity, that's all. Held back because he had a high opinion of himself. He didn't anymore, or at least not enough to be a hindrance…the detective had made sure of that…the bastard just took an immense pleasure in knocking Light off his ladder. Unacceptable. Light stood there in the shower and made his decision. He was not afraid of L…he would never be afraid of L again. He would never allow L to get the better of him again. He would never show any form of mercy again. He would rebuild himself.

And L…

Well…there wasn't much to say about him. Light would own him, own him completely, and when he died in Light's arms, Light's soul would just have to die with him. After all…Gods didn't have souls.

XXXX

L knew the second the door slid open that something had changed. He didn't even have to turn around to feel the difference…it was as though Light Yagami walked in power. Something had changed, something drastic, and he saved his file before he even turned around. He'd worked too hard on it to let some child with a notion of…

A hand slid around his throat.

When had he moved? When had he…but there was no time to think, because he was being lifted straight up, out of his seat. His feet hit the ground lest he choke. The chair was ripped from between them, sent crashing into a wall, and suddenly L couldn't breathe as he was pulled back against Light's body. His other arm wrapped around the detective's torso and locked him in place, his powerful legs useless, his arms trapped at his side. This was fine, he was okay, because he could think his way out of this…give him time to distract him…let him relax a bit.

Then Light was talking, just behind the detective's ear. That voice…that voice shut his thoughts off like a water tap. How could he do that? It didn't matter…

"Still working on that report, I see." The heat coming off the younger man was incredible; L could feel it all the way down his spine and then some. That voice made him shiver…and he wouldn't call that Kira's voice…no, that was something else. That was heartless, so quiet and warm and yet colder even than Kira, because at least Kira had a demented notion of justice and hoped to fix the world. That voice…there was no hope in that voice, no peace…

"I wish you wouldn't work on that report, L." L knew better than to say anything. The hand at his throat was slack at the moment, but he didn't know what Light was thinking. Better to stay silent than accidentally set him off. L knew that Light could easily strangle him with that one hand…he knew that if Light was angry enough, he'd be strong enough to kill him, right here, right now. L felt his lips moving just behind his ear, and forced himself to calm down.

"I love the way your heart pounds when you're trying to save yourself. I could very easily get used to this, you know." The hand tightened just a fraction, and L's pulse leaped in spite of his controlled breathing.

"Why must you always change things, L? Hmm?" That hand tilted his head back slowly, and he allowed it. He could feel Light's grin against his skin as his lips trailed down the exposed line of his throat. L shivered in spite of himself.

"You make simple things complicated. Change every rule…" There was a panic button beside the bed, one that would alert Watari that there was a dangerous situation. Once and Watari would come find him, twice and he'd leave without a glance back, because L was either free or dying. A morbid system, perhaps, but L had found that…

"Listen to me." He listened. How could he not?

"That's better. I hate it when you ignore me." The arm around his chest tightened into a vice like grip, and L had trouble drawing a breath for a moment. Light drug him back across the carpet, into the bathroom, and kicked the door shut. The hand at his throat left for a moment as Light reached to turn the bath tap on, and the low roar filled the bathroom. He didn't set the drain. The hand returned to his throat, almost as an afterthought, and then they were moving again. L never hated his physique more than he did at that moment, to be lifted and carried around like he was nothing.

He found himself facing the mirror. This was suddenly much, much worse, because the expression on Light's face…it made the quiet voice at his ear seem that much darker. That's the first word that crossed his mind when presented with this new Light Yagami…dark. The second was beautiful. The hard lines of Kira were gone, and somehow, L wanted him back. This face was deceptive, scary, because it was patient and cunning. Wolf-like and possessive, and as he watched this Light trail his nose up the side of his throat, and he waited for the bite…because, surely, how could one look that hungry and not act on it?

"Ah, there's that flutter again." He'd completely dismissed all thoughts of staying calm at the sight of that expression, and god his heart was pounding in his ears. The roar of the water didn't seem enough to drown it out. "Yes, I could grow very used to this. Now…we're going to fix some things here."

L just stared back, lips parting as Light finally returned that gaze. There was something so humanly sadistic in those beautiful almond eyes that it made his heart stop. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe.

"You look like a bird presented to a snake, L. Surely I don't frighten you? Or is it something else perhaps. That 'indirect result' of our childish games?" Light bit him, lightly, just grazed his teeth over the white skin, and tightened his hold. L jerked in his grip, and yes, it was both. There was no denying that something had changed, had gone horribly wrong between them, because L could remember the way he tasted. The taste of fire, and power, and everything that was Light Yagami dancing across his tongue…

"You're thinking about it now, aren't you? I can feel you trembling." Why did the Gods see fit to give this young man everything? Why that voice, why those looks, why that mind…everything but a heart and soul? Is that the price of those gifts?

"Do you remember?" Oh yes, he remembered. He remembered what it felt like to claim the mouth whispering things so terrible into his ear. He remembered the feel of those silken lips against his own, those same lips that taunted at his earlobe, grazing it lightly, letting his hot breath wash over it. L met his own half-lidded eyes in the mirror and answered truthfully.

"I do." Light met his eyes again, and L's chest tightened again…what was he hiding there…what was he thinking?

"I'm going to let your arm go for a moment, L. I want you to open the drawer and get the razor." He pressed a single kiss, a real kiss, to the sensitive hollow just below L's ear, and L's world tilted on its axis. "Just get it out, okay?"

His arm slipped to the side, but the hand at his throat never moved. L's hand reached slowly towards the drawer, pulled it open. The plastic handle met his fingers easily, and he pulled out the disposable razor and set it on the counter, watching Light in the mirror. This was very dangerous…much more dangerous than any other situation he'd been in. The drawer slid shut, and Light smiled at him.

L couldn't breathe.

The hand at his throat began stroking as Light talked to him.

"Do you remember when our lips first met?" And L did, he remembered the second they touched…tiny details, things that he couldn't remember in the haze that followed were suddenly sharp and clear in his mind. He remembered everything, every movement, taste and sound…Light's arm dropped for a moment, but L's eyes were closed as he listened. Light's smile went unseen in the mirror. There was cool rush of air at his stomach…

"Do you remember what it felt like when I scratched your ears? Pulled your hair lightly in my hands?" And then L's shirt was gone. Just, gone. The arm was back immediately, but L wasn't exactly struggling anymore. That voice was just inviting, low and rough, and just for him, and damn him to hell but he was listening. Light trailed his lips along his shoulder, barely touching him, and the hand was petting smooth circles over his heartbeat.

"You're skin is so soft here, do you know that? I can't keep myself from it." The heat against his bare back and the coolness of his front made a delicious contrast, and L trembled again. The arm released him again, and went to stroke his stomach, winding a lazily trail up and down above his navel and out along the curve of his ribs. L's purr started, and he suddenly realized that Light hadn't been joking…he could hear himself, just barely over the water behind them. His breath shattered in his chest as Light bit spot between this throat and shoulder, just a bit harder than before, sending pure electricity throughout his slim frame. Light met his eyes in the mirror, and L would never forget that image…of Light's mouth on his bare skin, that wicked gleam in his eye, the detective's own clouded expression. Something, that logical voice in his mind piped up, and told him there was something fundamentally wrong here…something so wrong that he should run screaming in terror.

But he didn't. He pressed his shoulder blades back, into the inviting warmth of Light's chest, and waited. He didn't know for what. Light's hand left his throat, and he surprised himself with a sound of protest.

"Shh…calm down. I'm not going anywhere…" The sound of plastic breaking made him jump. He glanced down and saw Light's fist wrapped around the tiny disposable razor, blood starting to drip down the plastic handle. He frowned, but Light's other hand came back to his throat, and his thought faded somewhat.

"Don't worry about that…think about when you cut me." L stiffened slightly.

"No, no…don't pull away…" They were quiet for a moment, while Light stroked his stomach, dragging his nails and fingertips up and down, covering from the side of his throat to just above his stomach.

"You enjoyed that power, did you, L?" L nodded slowly, beside himself with the attention. He'd never been touched like this before, and it was wreaking havoc on his mind and body, driving him insane with the sheer amount sensation that touch caused. How? How could Light graze a hand over his chest, and L feel it in his toes?

"You enjoyed seeing the blood, didn't you?" L licked his lips and nodded again, feeling his chest tighten as Light did the same. The hand came back up to rest at his throat, and the other came around.

Light drug his cut thumb down L's chest, leaving a huge red streak. L gasped, curling over the touch as the blood hit his skin warm and then cooled, becoming cold. Light straightened him out again, gently, and L stared, fixated, as the hand returned. He held it still at L's collar, and L fought the urge to writhe in his grip as fresh trails wound their way down his chest. This was wrong, this was very wrong, what was he doing…

Why couldn't he stop?

No, No he didn't want this, but he _did_. A small moan went unheard from his lips, because he couldn't stop looking, couldn't stop staring.

It was there. The spice, that tang that had painted his fingers, and Light was watching in him in the mirror.

"You remember."

And the razor was pressed into L's hand. He stared at it, and Light's arm came around his shoulders, pinning him again, leaving his arms free. The other trailed a crimson trail up to his shoulder, and his world stopped turning as Light slipped that injured thumb into his mouth.

L could, not, breathe.

Light's eyes closed, and L wanted away. He wanted to be gone, running, there was a panic button by the bed, by the bed….

Light pulled the cut from his lips and smiled at the sudden anxiety in L's eyes.

"Do you want me to stop?" L swallowed hard, and oh God no, never, keep going don't…

He nodded. Light's grin made him tremble.

"Then stop me." He leaned in close and L almost couldn't hear him over the water…

"Cut me."

"W-What?" Light slid that hand back to his stomach, and stroked there again, leaving tiny red patches over the still healing bruises. Suddenly, his hand dipped low, stroking the exposed skin between his hips.

"Stop me, L." His hands were shaking, and that hand. That hand was driving him into a panic, it was…it was taunting, skirting the hem of his baggy of jeans…

"Stop me." He wasn't even sure he could hold the razor, but that hand had to stop…had to stop now, right _now_.

With a low cry he brought it up and skated it over the skin of the knuckles. It was barely a scratch, but Light just smiled.

"Very good, L." And holy fucking god, that thumb was at his mouth. Parting his lips and that taste, that taste, _that taste…_

A moment, later, Light wrenched his hand away from the detectives mouth, and regarded him quietly in the glass. L stared back at him, and slowly, the haze in his eyes started clearing, his eyes began to widen as he looked himself over, his mouth fell open.

"Oh yes, L. What have you _done_?" L turned to face him, and Light smiled in triumph.

"Light, what have you done to me?"

"Reclaimed lost ground, L." L brought a hand to his lips and stared at the crimson that came away on his tongue.

"What…"

"I took back what you stole. You cannot take what has been given." Light brought his thumb to his lips again, an L felt a stroke of lightening that went straight to his groin at the sight. "And now it means nothing."

"Light, what has…why…"

"Everything. Because of you." Light stretched slowly, like a cat just woken, and headed out the door.

"Enjoy your bath L. Don't drown yourself."


	17. Clarity, Part One

AN- Longest chapter. Over 4250 words before this note. Wow. Um, yeah, this is L getting sick of it. Warnings because this scene become very intense later...and it's so long. This is the first half of L's...session. I know he does a few random things here, but they will make sense in the second half, I promise. If not, then I fail as an author. He's kind of...setting the stage, I guess. I'm not done writing it yet, but it seemed time to post -something- since you've all been waiting, and I left you hanging after Light's rampage. Now, this is a torture scene, and I am not a nice person. You have been warned. Nothing serious or overly graphic in this section, but the next...well...the next part will be bad. I promise a surprise. A big one. Plot bunny from hell. Have fun watching Light get schooled like the punk college student he is. -Kani

Clarity (Part One)

L stared at his fingers for another few minutes as everything, every single emotion he was capable of…died. He'd needed this. This was the rough shove that brought him back to reality. He went back to the tub and knelt at its side, scrubbing the blood from his mouth and body like it was the worst filth he could imagine.

No more.

Never again.

If he'd been lost, Light had just unwittingly hauled him back kicking and screaming, because L was no longer playing. He stared at himself in disgust as he put his shirt on, pulling it violently over his head.

What had he been thinking?

Entertaining the idea that Light might have actually cared, perhaps?

That he'd ever had a 'friend' to begin with?

L did not play this game for a reason. The reason being that he was terribly good at it, and that he enjoyed it far too much for his own safety. Light Yagami was a child, ignorant in the ways of people, of the world. He did not care for anyone but himself, and that would be his downfall, L would make sure of it.

He'd walked away. He'd laughed and walked away, and damn if L didn't know better now. The thought of the kiss sickened him, and he felt wholly unclean. He mentally cringed, but no, if there was a time for L to be honest with himself it was now. It was a kiss, an intimate one, and he was disgusted with himself. He refused to wash himself of it completely. No, let him remember for a while longer. Let the feel of it serve as a reminder of the monster that Light really was.

He knew now why he'd made light of the situation. He knew now why he'd been unable to recall it clearly when he could remember how many buttons were on Matsuda's shirt, what color hair ribbon Misa had worn when he'd last seen her. He remembered everything. He'd 'forgotten' because he was hiding it from himself. He didn't want this realization, and the coldness that came with it. He knew, and didn't want to admit that everything, every single thing that Light had done, he'd done because he wanted power. Even the kiss, subconsciously that was to posses him too. To possess and kill the one person who scared him most, the only challenge on his path to glory. L was not about to go willingly into that good night. If he ever entertained the idea that Light had cared, he was deluding himself, and they both knew it. He knew it the second Light had put his hands on him, here in this very room. He'd known the second he'd looked into his eyes what he was about. He tried anyway, decided to play along, teach Light a lesson.

And he'd very nearly lost.

The knowledge pissed him off. Knowing that this college drop-out, this arrogant filth masquerading as a human being…knowing that he'd almost gotten the better of him, that he'd very nearly given up to him…

God, L wanted to vomit. If he had anything resembling a substantial diet, he likely would have. L had allowed himself too much, dabbled in games he'd long denied himself for a reason.

He'd cared about Light Yagami once.

But no more.

No, Light didn't deserve anything that even resembled human affection. He was waste of life, of air, and let the world cower before Kira for another day or so, because Light Yagami was about to fall.

XXXX

Light sat at his desk, nursing his cut thumb as he reviewed the event in his head. Granted he'd gone much farther than L had with his session…He'd turned it around. L had taken blood from him in a show of power…he had a hair-thin scar to prove it. By trapping him as he had tonight, by using the fragile grip he had on the detective's emotions, he'd reversed the situation. He'd forced L to take the blood this time. In doing so, that inch long scar at his collarbone meant nothing. Score settled.

He supposed some good came out of the kiss after all.

His door slid open and he spun in his chair, frowning. He'd expected L to be in the bath for at least another two hours.

He'd never gotten in at all apparently. Light watched as L shut the door and keyed in a lock number. He kept going, and Light was confused until he noticed the red lights of the cameras winking off one at a time. "What are you doing?"

"**I highly recommend that you do not speak to me just yet."** Light raised an eyebrow. English, was it? L must be angry. He slipped the bandage over the cut and laced his fingers behind his head.

Cameras were gone. Next went the microphones. L wanted no witnesses to this…possibly not even himself. He knew that later, once he'd calmed down, he'd likely feel guilty about it, guilty for harming his 'friend'. He needed to do this now, to solidify this cut before it healed. Make it real. Make it personal. Make it permanent.

"**L, what are you doing? This will nullify everything."**

"**No. It won't. Don't talk yet."**

"**Fine." **Light fell quiet again. Finally, with a last beep, the intercom was disconnected. He was now sealed in this room with Light, with no escape, and no back up plan.

"**Tell me, Yagami…what do you do when something drifts into your eye?" **Light stared at him. That had to be the last thing he was expecting. The detective had his hands in his pockets, staring at the dimly lit keypad with no expression.

"**Why English, L?" **Likely to throw him off, take him out of his comfort zone, he thought.

"**Because if you want to talk to me, you're going to speak English. It's that's simple." **Light rolled his eye and crossed his arms. What had happened this time? L was just fine, completely under his spell when he'd left him. Light didn't know how he managed to keep shaking him off, but it was bloody annoying.

"**Fine…I don't know."**

"**You don't know what happens?" **L looked at the ceiling, mock surprise on his face.

"…**My eyes water." **Light ventured, content to humor his pet. _Pet…that's a good term for him…like a little stray cat that I have to train. _

"**Before that."**

"…**I blink."**

"**Just once?" **Light sighed.

"**No…usually several times."**

"**And you'd do this every time? Without fail?"**

"**I suppose…it's an automatic response."**

"**Precisely. Now tell me…what if it is not dust, but something more substantial? Like a speck of dirt, or a grain of sand?"**

"**I suppose I'd rub them."**

"**And if it were not dirt or sand?"**

"**What else would it be?"**

"**Finely shattered glass, perhaps?" **L finally turned to look at him, and Light almost laughed. If L was trying to intimidate him, he'd have to do better than that. Granted, he'd never seen him this angry, but Light didn't care anymore. L was a waste of his time, and the sooner he was dead, the better. Tomorrow, as soon as his father opened the door and Rem came trailing in.

"…"

"**I thought you said you'd blink?"**

"**I…" **Light had forgotten to answer the detective, and L was walking over to him now, standing so close that his knees brushed Light's seated ones.

"**You'd blink several times, in fact. And rub them." **

"**What are you getting at?"**

"**Do you know what that would do to your eyes, Yagami?"**

"**No."**

"**It would shred them. It would ruin them so completely that you would never see again. Blinking is an automatic response…and you wouldn't be able to help it." **

"**I suppose not." **That was quite enough, Light decided. Time to shut him up somehow…he wasn't going to kiss him again, but he did need to regain his control. He'd put too much effort into that little show tonight, even cut himself, so that he could gain the advantage. L was just so damn stubborn.

"**It would leave your eyes in tattered rags, and without proper medical treatment, the shards might even work their way into your bloodstream."**

"**It'd kill me."**

"**No…I wouldn't let you die, Yagami. That's just the beginning. Tell me…have you ever heard the phrase 'A sin committed twice doesn't seem like a sin anymore?'"**

"**No."**

"**How about this one…'The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain neutrality in times of moral crisis.'"**

"**No."**

"**You're just illiterate, aren't you? Dante Alighieri. Now tell me, Yagami, why would I know these quotes?"**

"**I don't know."**

"**Do you have any idea how many times I've watched grown men weep blood as they slowly destroy their own eyes?"**

"**No."**

"**Do you have any idea how many different tortures I know off the top of my head? Just to prevent 'neutrality in times of moral crisis' ?"**

"**No."**

"**Too damn many. About 300 more than I should, and that's before I break out the textbooks. You must have thought yourself very clever tonight didn't you?"**

"L what are you getting at?" L pulled his hands from his pockets. In one was a coiled length of rope and in the other a matchbox. Light raised an eyebrow, and then offered his hands sarcastically. L just smiled and walked behind his chair. Light allowed him to pull his hands back, confident that L was putting up a front again.

"You know…this is only going to last until Watari finds us."

"Don't be a fool, Yagami. The last time Watari sat in on one of my freehand torture sessions, he couldn't look me in the eye for a week." Light hands jerked in the binding, but L was already half finished, and it didn't get him far.

"So you're serious about this then."

"Yagami, I'm about as serious as cancer right now. It's in your best interest to pay attention…I'm in quite a terrible mood after that stunt you pulled in my bathroom."

"I owed you one."

"No, you just can't drop the game. You're addicted. You've gotten me addicted." Light felt an unholy surge of pride at that confession, but really he was trying to work his way out of the ropes.

"Don't bother." L walked back around and took his shirt off, laying it on the bed. At the sight of that familiar holster, Light finally began to worry. Why would L need a gun?

"Stripping?"

"Sorry to disappoint, but I just don't want your blood on my shirt."

"You enjoyed it much more on your skin if I remember correctly."

"You're missing something important, Yagami."

"What's that?"

"…I liked it better when it wasn't in your _body_." Light frowned as L turned back to face him. Where was that lovely fear he'd been working to build up? L looked at him like he was…nothing. Just another common criminal. How could he be so distant when he was the one who'd made this so very personal? He watched his captor walk over and remove the firearm, setting it on the table next to his matches and the lamp.

He turned to consider the teen in the chair, wondering where to start.

"You came to a decision tonight, didn't you? One that changed things, gave you some control back. What was it?" Light just stared at him.

"Light…don't do this."

"Back to my first name already?"

"I will not allow myself the pleasure of distancing myself from your pain. I need it almost more than you do. Now what did you decide?"

"Nothing."

"You're afraid of Intimacy, aren't you Light? Afraid of sharing yourself with anyone." L went to his desk and played with his computer for a moment. Light tried to see him over his shoulder, but then he was being moved, rolled across the floor to sit in front of the Tv.

He had a bad feeling about this. He could hear L walking around behind him as he searched for the remote, and with a triumphant click and a hum of static, the large screen came on. He couldn't help but grin, because really, L was so predictable sometimes. But then he was spun away from the kiss on the screen.

"No, you don't get to watch it, Light."

"I'm not being forced to witness my crimes? This is new." L looked at him like he was stupid, and that uneasiness came back. What was he doing…

He got his answer when L straddled his hips and wrapped his arms around his neck. There were several clicks and L was either channel surfing or turning the volume up.

"Get off me."

"No." He reached over, leaning in Light's lap, and pressed a button on the computer. The first sound was the crack of Light's hand across L's cheek…a moment of silence…then the fall to the floor….and then…

"I almost want to thank you." Light stared at the detective in his lap, but L's eyes were over his shoulder, watching them.

"For what?"

"For making this so intimate. It means that I don't have to rely entirely on pain when I do this. I find that refreshing." And without another word, L slid forward in his lap, making that contact very real before turned his head slightly to the side and kissed him again.

It was just as sweet as Light remembered, just lips brushing over his, but different. There was no hunger, no need in this kiss…it was technical, effective. He tried to pull away, but really, where could he go? He was fool for allowing this man to tie him up. Still, he knew this game…this was the part where he'd usually give in, start asking him to stop, submit and behave until his next grand scheme unveiled itself.

Why bother?

He wasn't afraid of the detective. He wasn't going to just submit anymore, and he was prepared to push the limits of his sanity and endurance if it meant he won out in the end. He'd been months in confinement, strapped to a chair not unlike this one, catheterized and fed by gloved hands. He'd been blindfolded, and left to rot in a jail cell by this same man.

So why was kissing such a torture? He could handle this…it was just as clinical as kissing Misa, it was…

L moved in his lap…just a fraction, possibly not even intentionally because he barely moved at all. L pulled back, brushing his hair out of his eyes so he could meet and hold them.

"I hate it when you ignore me, Light." And it was intentional this time as L rocked his hips slowly, and Light gasped. That was…new. He'd remembered the weight of the detective in his lap, but he hadn't moved while they…while they…

"L, what are you doing?"

"Taking what you've offered…making sure that I have your attention." His eyes drifted back to the screen again, and Light could hear himself, could hear the detective purring. L's face, however, showed no emotion at all. He couldn't see it, but he remembered…L was leaning in again and Light turned his head away.

"Light, if you will not give me that, I will take what I can find." A hand came to his chin and turned him back, gently. L captured his lips again, and Light felt a thrill go through him as those white teeth grazed over his lower lip again. He nibbled at it, pulled gently and damn him, but Light opened his mouth, and the detective was just taking again. Light felt his heart pick up, but he refused to move. His tongue stayed firmly in place, ignoring the detective. After a moment, L's hips shifted slightly on his, and there was no time to brace himself as L slammed his hips forward…and it was rough and glorious, and Fucking hell, he was suddenly kissing back. He could feel the detective smirk against his lips, but he really didn't care, he was taking control, sweet control of this situation, and L tilted his head back and allowed it.

Until he broke away half a second later, leaving Light panting as he regarded him with an arched expression.

"You're too easy, Light. I don't have to work at all. You'll spoil me if you keep this up."

"Is this your idea of torture?"

"Why? Are you enjoying yourself?" L shook his head, amused as Light glared at him, and leaned forward to rest his chin on Light's shoulder as he watched the clip behind him. Light could hear himself and he wondered why he'd allowed himself to be tied. He wasn't frightened, but really, that was just a stupid move all around. He struggled at the ropes.

"You want to leave so soon?" The detective mocked, putting on a pout as he leaned back. "I haven't even started yet."

"What are you going to do, rape me?" Light snapped, but the damn ropes weren't moving.

"No. No, I won't do that." Something in his tone made Light pause.

"At least…not physically." L leaned again in his lap, making Light gasp, and pulled open the drawer of his desk. Light's brow furrowed when he returned with a pair of scissors, clipping them lightly as though assuring himself of their sharpness. He spoke quietly, and Light wanted to know how he could be so distant after that.

"You made a decision tonight. What was it?" Light's eyes were trained on the scissors as he answered slowly.

"That…I hated you." L nodded, and set the scissors on his leg so that he could undo Light's tie. "And?"

"And what?"

"You told me a long time ago that you hated me. There was more to it than that."

"I don't know what you're talking about." L chuckled as the tie slipped over his head and he looped the fabric around his own neck. The scissors came up, and he clicked them again.

"These aren't like knives, Light. See, they work the same way, only slightly more painful. You can feel them grab the skin and really bite into it before it finally comes apart. Better yet, look." He opened them wide, and sighted down the blade-edges in the lamp's light. "See those tiny shiny parts? Those a dull spots…places where the metal has become bent from use."

H rested an elbow on Light's shoulder, leaning in close as he talked. Light could smell his shampoo and the sharp tang of blood that hadn't completely been washed away.

"The dull spots just add a little flavor I think. You'd be amazed at sensitive the human body becomes when put under the right kind of stress. No, then again, you wouldn't, would you? You know exactly what I'm talking about…possibly more intimately than I do, considering your little show with Misa."

"So, you liked that did you?"

"Quite annoying actually. That's beside the point, however. As I was saying, you know how sensitive the human skin becomes when stimulated correctly. Now, the real difference, one of my favorites, really…is the difference between scissors and razor blades. A razor is tiny, very thin and flexible, and its beauty lies in its efficiency. You can feel a razor, but it's just a sweet little sting, there and gone again and…" L paused, sitting up again as though surprised.

"Oh, that's right. You know all about that…" He pushed Light's shirt to one side, and ran a finger down his scar lightly. "…Don't you, Light?"

Light didn't answer. L just smiled his chesire grin and continued his lecture.

"Scissors on the other hand, are really quite messy. When properly stimulated, the human body can feel the point of a needle pressed to any surface of the body. Imagine that level of sensitivity…and the feel of these scissor blades." L stroked his thumb down one edge, and Light watched, morbidly fascinated. He'd never considered it. "I guarantee you, Light, that you would be able to feel every single dull point this metal has."

He clipped them again, and trailed them closed down the front of Light's shirt.

"Butchers prefer shears when they gut an animal, simply because they preserve more meat in that fashion."

"Are you going to gut me, L?" Light scoffed, falling back to his sarcasm as nervousness wormed its way into his blood.

"I have not decided." He tugged Light's shirt and un-tucked it from his pants. "I am, however, going to ruin this lovely shirt of yours."

He slipped the scissors to bottom and to the left, a few inches from the line of buttons. When he slipped the fabric between the blades, Light could feel the cold steel skate lightly across his stomach. He shivered involuntarily as it met his hot skin. L smiled at the reaction, but it was a hollow grin.

"It's often the mundane things that scare us the most, I'm afraid."

Light's wrists were beginning to burn as he worked at the ropes. Some part of him told him that it was futile, that L was a professional, but he was too stubborn to listen to it.

"Why sex, Light?" Light paused in his work to stare at him. The hiss and click of the scissors filled the silence while L met his eyes.

"What?"

"Why sex? There were many other options available to you. You could have used brute force, ploys of friendship, angered me, and saddened me…why did you decide to use sexual tactics?" Light was quiet.

L skated the metal up his stomach again, causing him to stiffen. "Light, just answer me."

"I don't know."

"You're lying." Hiss…click, and Light's shirt hung open at the side, exposing his stomach to the cool air. Light felt a rush of anger at the treatment, but there wasn't a hell of a lot he could do about it at the moment.

"You never do anything without a reason, Light." L cut again, and the shirt lay open to the base of his shoulder. He drug the point down again, holding his shirt out as he started the next strip an inch over. "And I suggest you start talking, because if I run out of shirt, I'm moving to your hair."

"You wouldn't." L just looked at him, and yes, yes he would. Shit.

"I haven't really thought about it." Hiss and click, and cold steel on his stomach again. Really, L was making him paranoid with those damn things.

"So think. We have all the time in the world." Light growled, and tensed again as the steel stroked him. L held the thin strip he was working on, out, showing Light the damage he was doing. "Don't let me distract you."

"You just…Hell, you just responded to the touch, and I…"The scissors paused as L prompted,

"And You?"

"And I…I was good…at it." L nodded understandably, and the hiss click came again.

"That would be all the reason you needed, wouldn't it?" L flipped the tatter of shirt into his face. "All the reason you needed to start. What about after that?"

"That's all it was." Light hissed in a breath as L drug the tip of the closed scissors harshly down his abs, raking it over the muscle with unnecessary force. It scratched deep, and blood welled in a few places.

"I don't like it when you lie to me. Try again."

"What do you want to know?"

"Why you kept it up…Why were you playing the game?" He pressed the dull point to his skin again and paused, holding his eyes. Light glanced down at the blade, and L snapped just beside his ear. "No, look at me. Why were you playing…what was the goal?"

"I don't…" The blade moved a few inches, dragging over his chest and the outer rim of his nipple. Light glanced down, gritting his teeth, and L leaned back a fraction. A split-second later, the flat of his hand cracked over Light's cheek.

"I told you to look at me, Light." Light raised his eyes again, murder written on his expression. L pushed his hair back gently, stroking his fingers over the bright mark he'd left as though apologizing. "Look at me... Now, What were you playing for?"

"I…wanted to make you angry."

"There were too many other things you could have done. I do not believe you. Try again."

Light held his dark eyes, mind hazing over in his anger. Hell, if he wanted to know that badly, why not tell him?

"Control." L smiled at him again, and returned to cutting his shirt, splitting the remainder of that side again. Light tried to shrink away from the coldness of it, but L was precise, and there was no where for him to go.

"Control…hmm. You wanted to control me using sex?"

"No!" Light spat, drawing himself up. "It was more intimidation."

"You really thought you could intimidate me?" L seemed genuinely amused at this, and Light's wounded pride flared even hotter in his chest. Wounded pride? Hell, it was fluttering like a dying bird, lame and hobbling around. Every cut the detective made seem to strip him a little more, leave him just a little more exposed.

"I was willing to try anything."

"Anything. Right. Still, for someone as asexual and straight as you are, I'm surprised that sex was the first thing you went for."

"It wasn't sex, damn it!" L raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side, looking pointedly over Light's shoulder. He turned his head, glancing, and he could see the pair of them on screen, his hands fisted in the detective's hair.

"And I believe you were growling at me then, as well." He snatched his head back. L combed his fingers roughly through the brunette hair, stroking the scalp as he smiled his triumph. "I believe I've made my point."

Hiss…and click.


	18. Clarity, Part Two

AN- I've decided to shorten this story a bit, because I can't draw it out any longer. It will be twenty chapters, with a short epilogue. And for those of you worried, no L has not lost his mind, and no he's not really going to hurt him. Intimidation, mind play, and endurance tests. The fact that L is playing with his head is bad enough to him. I love Light too much to really hurt him. I've taken that lovely surprise and re-worked it, so it will be appearing in the epilogue, I'm afraid. You still get a surprise, it's just not the big one. Enjoy. -Kani

"Stop petting me." L paused only for a minute, smiling that infuriatingly impish smile of his. "Why, Light? Don't you remember doing this to me?"

He set the scissors down as he curled his fingers over the teen's ears, scratching lightly with both hands now. Light snatched his head away, snarling.

"That won't work on me."

The detective paused, but seemed to believe him. He picked up the scissors again and continued his interrogation. Light's shirt hung in six pieces now.

"So you wanted to control me with sexual intimidation?"

_When you say it like, it sounds ridiculous. It was genius._ Light glared down at his shirt. L drew his hand back, and Light snapped his eyes up, wishing he could break the man's fingers one at a time.

"You learn quickly." With his bare hands…and maybe his shoe…

"Now, You blamed it on control. Why would you want to control me?"

"I don't know." The blunt point of the scissors scraped down his chest again, and Light hissed in a breath, furious. L looked at him calmly as blood trickled across his skin.

"You will learn that that answer brings nothing but pain. You're a genius, Light. Figure it out." L wiped the tip of his instrument on the fabric he hadn't cut yet. Light stared hard at him for a moment. Where was the fascination L had shown earlier? The fascination that he'd worked to build on? L should be staring at his chest in wonder, should be trying to keep himself from cleaning him up…

"L…look at the blood." L shifted his grip on the scissors, laying their handles flat against his palm, and leaned back again. Light's eyes widened, but there was no time to move as he reared back and drove his palm and the handle into Light's face with a sickening crack. His head flew back, and hung there for a second as his vision tilted and danced red. Blood trickled from his nose, but it wasn't broken. His mouth filled with blood as well as he cut the inside of his lip on his own teeth.

L fisted a hand in his bangs and calmly brought him back upright. "I would not suggest you try my patience. I am not in a forgiving mood." Light stared at him, panting, and this was an L he'd never seen before. The coldness he'd entered the room with was poorly hidden behind his false smiles and gentle, toneless voice. So they'd both made a decision, it seemed. Fine. Light nodded once, and L could visibly see the difference as Light started taking him seriously. He could almost watch the teen put his arrogance in check when he realized how dangerous the situation was. It was extremely gratifying.

"Good. Why would you want to control me?" He took the handles back and lined up his next cut, pulling the fabric taut. Light was quiet while he thought about it for a moment. L waited until he started talking to make the cut.

"You were…difficult. Different." Hiss, and click. Four more inches of Light's shirt hung in strips.

"Hmm…anything else?"

"No." L looked at him again, a disbelieving eyebrow rose. Light allowed a small smile.

"And I didn't like you."

"That's understandable. When did it start?" L met his eyes again, and Light shifted uncomfortably as the steel slid over his skin.

"What?"

"Your desire to control me."

"Oh…I suppose…when I decided to hide your violin." L nodded, cutting again.

"Why did you do that?"

"I was sick of being ordered around. I agreed to the confinement, but I certainly didn't enjoy it." Hiss, and click. The buttons fell away, consigned to their own lonely piece of fabric now. L picked it up and considered it.

"And?" Light watched as he slipped the blades beneath a button and clipped them shut. The plastic disk fell, rolling across the floor. His chest burned, but he really wasn't sure what had driven him to hide the violin first.

"I don't know." L sighed, almost rolling his eyes, and put the blunt tip to his skin again. Light jerked, but he couldn't stop it. Light now had three vertical stripes, starting just over his breast and trailing to the hem of his pants. L did not ease the pressure at all, and the uniform scratches bled randomly; some just welling, others sending tiny drops of blood winding down his skin. Light shifted, the sensation driving him crazy, and the blunt tips came to rest precisely at the top of the first scratch.

"Would you like to try again?"

"L, I really don't know." Down went the scissors, retracing that first path and the burn of it came back three fold as he abused the already-tender area. Half-dried blood came away on the scissor tips, and L wiped it away on his collar. Light wanted to gut the detective with his own torture tool. L set the tip to the top of the second cut, and inquired a second time.

"Would you like to try _again_?" Light looked away, but the detective's hand rose again, and maybe he did learn quickly. He hated being slapped…he suddenly remembered L's reaction when he'd hit him, and it was a small comfort. He looked back, holding those dark eyes, and the hand lowered just as calmly to his leg again.

"I was frustrated. I hated not being in control of myself."

"I was under the impression that while you didn't like the confinement, you were as content as possible under the circumstances." Snip…another button rolled across the floor.

"I was. It was more mental frustration, _knowing_ that I couldn't do anything." L paused to consider this, and deemed it a satisfactory reply. Another button vanished.

"What else drove you?" Light looked away, and he heard L's frustrated sigh. The blow came again, and he let his head fall, breathing shallowly.

L watched as Light's head rolled back, and worried that he'd knocked the boy unconscious. He leaned forward slightly, eyes narrowing as he peered at-

_Wham_.

Light's head shot forward and caught him in the mouth. He fell back, out of his lap, clapping a hand over his burning lips. Light grinned at him from the seat, and he almost smiled back, would have if his mouth didn't hurt so damn much. He brought it away, pressing his tongue to his newly split lip and winced. "Very clever, Light…very clever…"

He got up and walked over to the bed side reaching into the lamp for the bulb. Light watched as he returned with it in hand and laid a piece of paper down.

"What else was it, Light?" The bulb went onto the paper, and he picked up the scissors he'd dropped from the floor. A sharp rap and the glass broke, crumbling. L set it aside for later, ignoring Light's curious glance.

"What's that for?"

"Finely shattered glass, remember? I'll grind it up later." Light's eyes widened, but he kept himself in check as the detective resumed his position, straddling his hips.

"Now, Light, you have two options…"

XXXX

Several hours later, Light could barely think. He couldn't hold his head up for long periods of time without getting dizzy, and he was so tired…so very tired.

"Light. Are you listening?" _Snap._

Light nodded but that wasn't good enough. L reached forward and pressed his fingers to the scratches again, stroking them and Light hissed again,

"Yes, I'm listening…"

"Good." L was tired as well. He was still working; though his anger faded hours ago…Light was still holding back, keeping things hidden. He wasn't ready to give up yet…Light would break soon. He had to. He was operating on six hours of sleep from earlier, when L had forced him to bed. It was now nearing three in the morning, putting them steady at a seven hour session.

Most men would have been insane by now.

L was honest with himself…he was going easy on him. Still the stress and duration alone should have had Light dancing on his strings by now. The only thing holding him back was something he likely hadn't realized. L was determined to know him inside and out before he let him go. He wouldn't own him, no…but he would know him better than he knew himself. That was how L played.

"What else?" They'd danced circles around this question since he'd first asked it. They'd gone through the entire conversation two and three times, but this always brought it to a grinding halt. Light didn't know.

But Light would figure it out.

If L had to keep him awake past his exhaustion point, he would, but Light would figure it out.

"Huh?"

"What else drove you to control me?" Light stared blankly at him, and L cursed himself for rushing. He backed up again.

"When did you first start the control game?" The light of conscious thought entered those brown eyes again.

"When…the violin…hid it."

"Good. Why did it start there?" L prompted, removing his fingers and instead running them through his hair. He'd heard of captor-prisoner relationships before, but he'd never had one himself. He entered this situation with a connection to his victim, a strange type of friendship even, and right now, petting his only friend was likely the only thing that kept him from going crazy. He was doomed to hate this session from the moment he entered the door, but it had to be done. It had to be. He couldn't allow himself to think otherwise at this point, because to do so was to court madness. He'd been angry when he started, but now…now he just felt sick. Light didn't care…he couldn't care, and L would not allow himself to believe otherwise. This was difficult enough already.

He was strong enough to do this though. He had to be. If he let up, if he showed mercy now, it would just be his downfall. By allowing Light free now, before he'd heard everything, he'd just set himself up for another trap. Set himself up for another round of Light's seductive brand of torture. He would not go through it again. He realized even now, that if Light had just stayed…if he'd just stayed a moment and cemented the bond, instead of laughing and walking away…L would have been lost. He'd been so completely enthralled that if Light had sent him to his knees, he would have gone. If he'd have asked L his name…

"Shame…felt guilty, and I didn't like…it." Light nodded dumbly to himself, hanging onto his consciousness by bare threads. His head hurt, he was exhausted, fresh bruises from his disobedience were now lining his cheeks and jowl, and oh he was so tired. He was awake enough to realize that L was lightening up on him as he wore him down…each time he forced the detective to hit him, the blows were lighter, softer. When he did hit him, it was because Light wanted him to...he knew that L didn't like to do it. He leaned more toward pleasurable feedback than physical pain now, more inclined to pet and give second chances. He wasn't angry anymore. Light couldn't think clearly enough to take advantage of that, however.

"Good. That's good, Light. What happened next?" Light worked his jaw before he answered, feeling his entire face ache in response.

"Yotsuba." L nodded, his hand slipping to massage the younger boy's neck. It had to be stiff from the treatment, and he was right…he was met with tough muscle, unyielding tension. He worked slowly, and the corners of Light's mouth quirked in silent thanks.

"What about Yotsuba?"

"Very good." L didn't pause in his ministrations, and Light's eyes drifted shut as he spoke again hoarsely.

"Not proud of it."

"What do you mean?" This was a different response than the ones he'd gotten before. He'd usually skipped straight to the violin…

"You…weren't proud of…the break. Didn't care. Very good." L frowned. He had written the boy off, but it was out of anger. He hadn't been overly friendly with him after his violin was broken with this young genius to blame. He didn't expect it to matter.

"I don't understand, Light. Explain."

"You hurt me." L sighed, looking at the bruises he'd caused over the last few hours.

"Only because you wouldn't listen to me, Light."

"No…then…" L's hand fell away in surprise. What was he talking about? L had never hurt him, not emotionally, not until tonight, and it was-

"Not proud…Insulted…"

"It hurt you that I didn't care?" Light nodded slowly, licking his lips. He lifted his head and winced, and L returned to the massage, loosening as best he could. "I'm sure it didn't bother you that much. You've had other people insult you in the past."

Light opened his mouth and closed it again. He seemed to frown, and gloss over something, but L wasn't ready to stop him just yet. They could come back to it.

"What happened next?"

"Violin." L felt a pang sound through his chest as he remembered the way Light had acted…ashamed, guilty, angry as ever…shy, embarrassed, relieved…

It was hard to believe that the person who gave him the violin and the person who seduced him in the bathroom were one at the same. They were nothing alike…nothing. Whatever had ended the night Higuchi was murdered, it had changed everything. Gutted their relationship and turned it inside out. He sighed again. He missed the old Light.

"Yes, the violin."

"You liked it?" L nodded.

"You never play it."

"Hmm?"

Light opened his dazed eyes and stared into L's as he struggled to put his thoughts in order. The pain-glaze spoke of a migraine, but if it made him more pliable, L would have to let him suffer. He spoke hesitantly, but the comforting touch at his neck never stopped, so he continued.

"You never play the violin…the one I bought you…"

"No, I don't."

"Lied about it…didn't like it?" Light sounded hopeful. L just shook his head slowly.

"I loved it, Light."

"Then…" His face fell, and he looked at the ceiling slowly, like L did when contemplating. "…Then you don't play…because of me."

"Yes."

"Because of the game…"

"Partially." L caught his head as he fell forward. Light was going to pass out soon if he didn't let up. Another half hour at most. Light mumbled something and L lifted his chin.

"What did you say?"

"I…wanted you to play it…Hurt. Insult." L nodded slowly, because yes, that made sense. Light would have considered it a mortal insult for his gift not to be appreciated. L had not only refused to play it, he'd refused to look at it, asking Watari to hide it away.

"And kira…always thinking." L had also been relentless since Higuchi's murder. He'd accused Light with his every drawn breath, said things with his body, implied during conversation…everything he could to make the teen feel uncomfortable. He really was Kira, L knew this, but there was some small satisfaction in watching his face turn red with irritation.

"I understand, Light."

"Wanted you to stop." Light licked his lips again, wincing. "Fucking annoying…"

L smiled. "I was a bit of an ass, wasn't I?"

"A bit."

"Why did it bother you?"

"You mattered." L sat up straight, eyes wide. The order passed his lips in a hurry.

"Repeat." Light picked his head up and complied, and internally L hated himself for this semi-training...

"You…mattered. You were different and…I…"

"And you…"

"Wanted…your approval." L felt those words echo in his head long after Light fell silent again. His hand trembled slightly and slipped into Light's hair, fisting it at the base of his neck and forcing him to look at him.

"Light."

"Yes?"

"Are you lying?"

"No."

"The sky is green…"

"Only…after storms…" L snatched his hand away as though burned. He was lying, he had to be. Light never asked for _anyone's_ approval. He always acted without a second thought because he knew people…he knew how they would react, how they would think. He knew how to play perfect strangers into his hands, lead them along with pretty promises and shiny smiles.

"Light."

"Hmm?"

"Why did you want my approval?"

"You mattered. First…rival, first equal…first to resist…" Light's eyes fluttered slightly, his breathing evening out, and L knew was losing him.

"Why did you kiss me, Light?"

"I suppose…I wanted your attention."

"Why did you try to control me, Light?" L asked a final time, holding his breath as Light met his eyes.

"First…friend. First person that I couldn't…master. Fascinating."

Friend.

First Friend.

L heard a hollow sound in his ears as that word burned its way into his mind. Light tilted his head forward, and fell asleep, and L slid off his lap and backed away. Backed up until he hit the bed and then he curled up there on the floor, burying his face in his knees.

_He cared?_

It made sense. Light played the game because he didn't know what else to do. If he did care, he wasn't about to admit to anyone, not even himself.

And L had just…just tortured…

XXXX

Light woke up hours later, to the abrupt and painful feeling of blood returning to his hands. His mind was still far from working but he was being pulled up. His legs buckled weakly, but then his arm was around slender shoulders.

_L?_

He walked, or tried to. His feet drug slightly, but they were still moving, around the corner…to the elevator. He leaned on the wall, trying to straighten his thoughts out. The elevator started moving, and the bottom of his stomach fell out, the wave of nausea stretching all the way to his toes. He groaned, wrapping his arms over his bare stomach. He always got ill when he was tired…when he pushed himself beyond reason.

Something nagged at the back of his thoughts, but he couldn't grasp it fast enough. It died when then elevator bell split his skull open. He was draped over the shoulders again, and moving. Up a short flight of stairs, and to a door. Moments, hours it seemed, passed as locks clicked and tumbled and then the door slid open into the pre-dawn gray of the sky.

He stumbled out to the roof, and was stopped by firm hands on his shoulders. They pushed him down, lay him out on the warm stone, and as soon as he was flat again, he drifted off. Sleep took him and he was gone.

XXXX

He awoke with the sun on his chest, the stone still cool beneath his cheek. When his eyes first opened, he couldn't see through the haze, an after affect of his headache. That nagging thought returned, screaming something had gone wrong, what was it…

He was on the roof?

Squinting against the light, he pulled himself up on his elbows, glancing around. His eyes found L, leaning on the railing_. Leaning with a broken violin on the railing, angry with him_…but no…that was done with. That was over.

It'd happened at night anyway. He sat up completely and winced as his stomach and chest burned. He glanced down, and stared at three long scratches that started just below his right shoulder. They burned, still fresh, and where had they come from? Where was his shirt?

That nagging voice screamed even louder.

He reached to touch one red mark gingerly and stared in horror at his wrist. It was black and blue, mottled by bruises and abrasive marks.

_(L took his hands behind his back.)_

Marks that the cuffs couldn't possibly have made.

_(strapped him into his chair, sliding onto his lap)_

Rope burn, and he touched his face. It stung, and he winced, feeling out the bruises.

_(L kissed him, and made him angry, hurt him and made him…)_

He stood up shakily, facing the back of the man twenty feet away. The voice screamed louder still…

_(Blood painted down the pale chest, lust in his eyes, hands shaking as he hurt him, made him…)_

Morning sunlight lit the sky, glinting off the thin white shirt the detective wore, and he hadn't turned around yet…why hadn't he turned around?

_(Hands petting while their hips rocked together, not enough, never enough, he wouldn't answer that, he looked away, and it hurt when he…)_

He ran a hand through his hair, forcing the clouds in his mind away and he wrenched the thought to forefront, forcing it be acknowledged.

(_L made him angry, embarrassed him, took his pride and hurt him to make him…)_

To make him?

_(To make him talk.)_

Memory of the night before came crashing through Light's thoughts like a tidal wave. His decision, his game, the result…the torture. What had he said? What had he confessed to?

It wasn't Kira.

Relief, like the aftershock of (_a kiss_) a victory filled him. No, he hadn't confessed to Kira, or surely he'd be in an electric chair by now. He couldn't have confessed about Misa without designating himself as the first Kira, so again, nothing there. There was nothing, nothing he could have said or done.

He didn't believe himself. That quiet voice would not lie still.

"L? What's going on?"

L came out of his reverie and couldn't turn around. He couldn't look at him, wanted nothing to do with him. He wanted to apologize, he wanted to shove him over the roof and follow after, and he wanted to play his violin. Above all else, he wanted to wrap his fingers around the smooth wood and make beautiful music. He wanted to play until he no longer remembered who Kira was, who Light was, until he himself no longer existed. He wanted to lose himself in the beauty of something that life could not taint.

But he couldn't.

And he was stuck here.

He turned around to face his suspect, schooling his features into nothing.

"Good morning."

"It is." Light countered, his eyes distrustful. Forever distrustful, for there was never any chance of having a real friendship again…and that was both their faults. L gestured at his bare chest _(smooth beneath his hands, and warm and so)_, and asked quietly.

"How are your…scratches?" Light glanced at them again, touching a hand to them lightly.

"They're better. Just a bit sore."

"That's…good." L turned back to look out over Tokyo, at the buildings glistening in the morning light. It had to be nearing nine in the morning. The team would already be downstairs, waiting, wondering where the two of them were.

He didn't move.

He didn't care. He felt Light move behind him and didn't bother to turn and glance at him. He wasn't ready to talk just yet. He didn't know if he would ever be able to talk to him again.

Light stared at L's back _(pressed against it, held him captive, made him want)_, paranoia bubbling up through every stray thought it could find. What he'd said…it'd obviously been important. Perhaps a clue, something that couldn't directly implicate him, but brought L that much closer?

Hadn't he turned the cameras off?

No, better not to trust him, never ever trust him, there was just too much at stake. The fate of the new world lie in the outcome of this psychotic little game they were playing, and he had no clue where he stood anymore. He felt he'd gained a lot of ground last night, taken the advantage back, but then something had happened and L had shrugged it off. Where had he gone wrong? L should be watching him, fascinated and afraid to turn away. He should shiver when Light stared at him, he should remember the torment Light put him through.

Light's work had been flawless. Everything, every touch, every stroke, every kiss, it was set to drag the detective down, hold him and convince him that he didn't want his freedom.

Had he left too early?

He moved to stand beside the man, trying to put his scattered thoughts in order. He walked himself through that, through the torture's beginning. After the first few hours in the chair however, he began drawing blanks. Where had the time gone, and what had he done with it? What tricks did L pull out of his proverbial hat that made him feel like he'd given up everything?

"L…what did I say?" L glanced at him, a little too sharply, and then looked back out over the city.

"Nothing, Light-kun."

"You're lying."

"Light-kun…leave me alone." Light crossed his arms and stared at him. He could see L shrink a little under the gaze, but that wasn't enough.

"No, L. What did you do to me?" L gave that bitter laugh, and took a moment to compose himself, resting his forehead on the rail beneath his arms.

"Don't ask me that."

"I want to-"

"No you don't. Shut up."

"L, I deserve to kn-"

"To throttle me? Perhaps. Leave it, Light-kun."

"L, don't tell me to-"

"Please."

Light dropped his arms, his mind instantly panicking. What had he done? Had he slept with the detective?

Light stomach rolled and he instantly dismissed the idea. No, if he'd slept with him, he'd feel either a hell of a lot better than he did, or he wouldn't be able to walk.

No, something had gone wrong. He'd caved somehow, and not knowing was going to drive him crazy. L turned to regard him, and he instantly tensed again. What was he thinking?

The detective's arm raised, and Light locked eyes with him suddenly, almost instinctively. Damn it, that was not normal…the detective had to have been playing with his mind again.

The expected blow never came however. Instead, to his utter shock, that arm slipped around his waist and pulled him close while the other came to join. Light stared down at the top of the detective's head, afraid to move. L buried his face into the warm neck that Light hadn't thought to hide, and this was intimate. Rem came drifting through the roof over L's shoulder, and even that didn't make him look up. L was…hugging him. Openly affectionate, and it was disturbing. He could feel him breathing against his throat, how warm the fabric of his shirt felt.

Without another word, L let him go and turned and walked inside.

Light and Rem stared after him for a long moment before she broke the silence, her voice like glass and gravel mixed together and dumped on the sidewalk.

"Something has changed then. Do you still wish his death?"

Light didn't answer just nodded slowly, still looking after the open door.

"When?" Light turned to lean on the rail himself, shielding his face from whatever cameras existed. He had not lost. He would not believe it. He didn't know what game they were playing anymore, but he had not lost it yet.

"This evening."


	19. Let it be

AN- I have nothing to say, because this chapter says it all.- Kani

Light went back to his room an hour later. There was a sheet of paper on his desk with finely broken glass on it. L had never really threatened him with it, though he had taken the time to grind it down with the scissor handles. He never touched the matchbox either…or the gun. The gun was missing, but it had served its purpose. The items were merely a ploy to secure his undivided attention.

After the session was over, Light found it easy to see the reasoning behind the tactics. L had been right…they worked because they were simple. Instead of some grand scheme and implements of pain, L used household items to inspire fear.

He was good.

Light took a shower before he dressed, mulling over the detective's behavior. If L hadn't turned the cameras off, this would have been an easy mystery. The problem was that Light couldn't think of anything he could say that would cause that reaction in the detective. Really, not a single thing. He'd even called him an orphan and not gotten that kind of depression.

In reality, despite his internal dilemma, Light was completely calm. Once the decision had been made, he felt an incredible weight come off his shoulders. It was done. He could no longer post-pone it, nothing else could go wrong…there simply wasn't enough time left.

He went to the elevator and found himself confined to the upper levels of the building.

Thinking on this now, he supposed it was wise. Light looked like he'd survived a car wreck, both his cheeks and the entirety of his jaw black and blue. L had hit him with a closed fist, or palmed the scissor handles when he'd gotten frustrated. And if Light was good at something, it was frustrating his rival.

Rival…

Light sighed. Not for long…in fact, for less than another seven hours. It was nearing noon and Light could see the team filing out of the doors for lunch through his window. Watari had yet to make an appearance, but that was fine. Light didn't feel like putting up with his quiet disrespect. Watari was every inch the perfect gentleman, but Light read people very well. When he and L fought, Watari moved with an icy efficiency that was almost an insult in itself.

Light grew bored quickly.

Not knowing what had happened was going to drive him insane. He had to know, even this tiny piece of information sank its claws into his curiosity, and would not let go. So what if L was in a touchy mood…_Depressed_, he corrected himself. There was no reason that Light should leave him alone about it.

A little gloating might even have been in order.

XXXX

He found L on his bed, knees drawn up, headphones in and some classical song playing so loudly that Light could hear it from the doorway. His head was back, his thumb at his lips, and he was far away from everything he knew. Light invited himself in and sat on the bed, smirking.

Let his battered face be the first thing L saw when he came out of it.

As an afterthought, Light leaned forward and tugged the headphones out of the jack. The laptop speakers were loud, and of decent quality. L never moved, unknowingly sharing his music with his worst enemy and best friend.

Bach's Double Concerto, for Two Violins…Second movement. Light recognized it as a Bach piece…it was one of the few composers he was familiar enough with to know by sound. He watched L frown as the orchestra-support began to build in intensity. He began talking, mouthing words under the music. Light leaned forward a bit and caught snatches of it…

"No, you fool, you're pressing too hard, it's brassy…back off, back off, and you were late there. Late again. And too early…and who the hell is on the cello? They are completely inept. Fire them."

Light wanted to laugh. L continued ranting, pointing out flaws that Light's untrained ear could not pick out to save his life. The song ended, and started again. Light sat with his legs crossed, closing his eyes. He wondered if he could drift far enough into the music that he could forget for a while too. It had to be the result of training, self-manipulation…that kind of addiction did not come naturally.

So Light bowed his head and concentrated on the music.

XXXX

L came out of his reverie between repeats, and almost kicked the teen across from him in his surprise. Light sat at the end of his bed, and L again wondered why he hadn't changed the lock code on his door. He should have done it the second they'd gotten separate rooms…it would have saved them both some pain, he thought.

He reached over and changed songs, surprised when Light didn't move. He didn't acknowledge the detective at all, in fact, just continued sitting there with his head low and his eyes closed. Bach's Sarabande began, and L forced himself to stay awake for it.

"Light-kun?"

"Hmm?"

"May I ask what you are doing?"

"Trying to figure out how to shut myself off like you do."

"Why?"

"…Do you really need to ask?" L fell quiet, and the guilt he'd been running from caught up with him again. "I suppose I don't."

"I rather think it's a matter of concentration. Impulsive meditation, almost."

"You are close. I am not entirely sure how it came to have that effect, but I have never regretted it."

"You talk, you know…when you're deep into something. You wanted to fire the cello player in that last piece."

"He was incompetent…his instrument was not tuned properly."

"You like Bach?"

"Not as much as others, but he was a strong voice in classical music. You cannot discount a master, no matter his taste." Light looked at him then, a wry expression on his face.

"Bach is my favorite, to be perfectly honest about it." L didn't blink.

"My point still stands…I always respect a master, no matter my taste." L paused as the double entendre finally dawned on Light's tired mind. "And to be frank about it Light-kun, I doubt you have ever been perfectly honest in your entire life."

Light's smile was forced, his bruised features heartbreakingly colored. L hated to look at him.

"You're not surprised?"

"By what, Light-kun?"

"I believe that is the most personal thing I have ever told you."

"It is. And I am not." Light frowned but let it go. They both fell quiet, listening to the shorter piece play out. L reached over and changed songs again, however…he could only stand so much from this composer. The music suited Light really…explosive, powerful, finely written. Mozart's Violin Concerto came on next, and a small smile played at his lips. His composer, and his favorite song…his fingers itched to move on the strings as the notes came.

He didn't. Instead, he leaned back on his pillow again and watched Light. The silence between them, the one beneath the music, was one of perfect calm, and utter tension. Each hardly dared to breathe for a long while.

The next repeat, Light moved. Slowly, he slid up the bed to what used to be his side, stretching out as he rested back against his pillow. The music came again, and it almost humorous to have such a lively piece playing when the two spectators were so deathly still. They stared at the laptop, hardly blinking as the screen went to the screen saver.

The second movement began. L rested his chin on his crossed arms and sighed inaudibly. Things were going to change…still, always changing, and it would have been nice to have a brief time of continuity during the time they'd known each other. If they'd met under different circumstances, things could have been so very different. He'd taken whatever time he'd had with the teen for granted.

He frowned. No, perhaps not taken it for granted…just been unable to see what it was like to truly have a friend. The pitiful existence they'd shared had been unforgiving, but fate was to blame…not him. Under the circumstances, he'd done what needed to be done, and he supposed that would have to suffice.

Never mind that he felt cheated. That he felt as though the first real thing he'd ever had, the first real interaction with a person, one that came solely from personal desire…it had been everything he'd never wanted. Never mind that.

The third movement began, and he turned his head to look at the prodigy at his side. Light was amazing. Single-handedly the most capable person L had ever met, and no matter how poorly things had turned out, he was not sorry to have met him.

Light's eyes were closed, and L stopped and looked at him, purely apart from everything he knew to be true. How easily that face lied. The monsters that hid behind that handsome visage should be enough to give any normal man nightmares.

_Light tasted like brandy, a fine scotch that skipped the tongue and went straight to his blood.)_

Ah yes, and there it was…that one little emotion that L had been completely unprepared for. The one thing that he could not quite bring himself to understand and that he would not let himself throw away.

Light had tasted like fire. He'd tasted like fire, and power, and the entire life that L had never had. He'd had those lips on impulse, and he'd taken them unwillingly. He'd felt the torment those lips had caused, felt them when used to taunt him, and felt them when used to pleasure him. He remembered watching Light kiss another; he remembered watching Light kiss him in the mirror. He remembered how they'd felt, what it was like to coax that unwilling mouth open and…

"L, what are you thinking about?" Light never opened his eyes, but L looked away anyway, returning his gaze to the laptop.

"Nothing of great importance."

"You do not allow unimportant things to taint your mind, L." Light smirked. "You're also putting off more heat than I am, so it must be upsetting, whatever it is."

"Let it be."

"L…have either of us ever been able to let something alone?"

"No."

Both lapsed into silence again, but the damage was done. If L had a chance at turning his thoughts aside, it was gone now. Instead, he opted not to think, and tried escaping into the blessed music.

As though to mock him, the song ended abruptly.

He sighed as he waited for it to begin again. Light's voice _(That voice…that voice shut his thoughts off like a water tap.)_ interrupted his reverie.

"You're in a strange mood, L."

"Yes, I suppose." He could feel Light open his eyes and turn them on him. He remembered a time, long ago, when he'd hardly blink to receive such a stare…long, long ago, before games, desire, and torture. Now Light's gaze was anything but ignorable…it was almost a touch. He'd rather Light hit him than sit there and stare at him, now.

"You seem depressed."

"I always am after…sessions."

"Do you feel guilty?" L did not answer, trying to focus on the music, ready to get away, to run down the only escape he had left.

Light smiled to himself, adopting a concerned tone. "It's okay, you know. I just don't like it when you're in this mood."

"And what 'mood' is that, since you've become so adept at reading me, Light-kun?" Why must he bait him? Why must he ask these questions, give him leave to rip him open like this, why?

"Not quite depressed…you feel guilty, but you do not feel that your actions were completely wrong." L really wanted to drift away now…right now…

"No…it's almost…" Light paused, as though thinking, watching the detective out of the corner of his eye…much like he had the day Misa came to visit the investigation room. "Almost…Submissive."

L flinched, visibly, and refused to look at him. Refused. He would not. He'd baited him, and he likely deserved whatever hell Light wished to visit upon him after last night's torture, but…he wasn't.

"Is that so?"

"Yes." Light stretched, slipping down a bit further on his pillow and lacing his fingers behind his head.

"You prefer this?" Light considered the question.

"Almost."

"Really?"

"Yes…I do enjoy arguing with you, I must confess. However, you don't seem in the mood today."

"I apologize for not providing you with adequate entertainment." L shot back sarcastically…but even that was half-hearted. He was depressed. He was upset, and while he was not submissive, the last thing he wanted right now was to go another round with Light.

Light, however, had other plans. "I never said I did not enjoy it."

He could see L stiffen, but did not move. He was testing the waters, seeing what kind of grip he still had, trying to get his bearings within the game. The detective was offering up a lot with his attitude…and unlike L, Light fully intended to use the other man's guilt to further his own ends. L did not return fire, however, and Light pushed it a step further.

"I'm not angry with you, you know." A lie…a flat lie, but it was so smooth rolling off his tongue. Aiber was right…conmen always recognize another man of the business.

"Light-kun, don't." Light reached and placed a hand on his back, running it up to his shoulder. L jumped, and Light could feel him shiver again. He shook his head slowly…L really didn't know how to handle himself the second things became physical. He was hopeless. Light still had a hook in him, and he planned to rip him wide with it before all was said and done.

Simply because he was a bastard, and he enjoyed it.

"Don't touch me."

"You tied me to a chair and kissed me, L." Light said in a flat voice, and the annoyance there was real.

"And I'm liable to do it again if you can't keep your bloody hands to yourself."

"I'm just trying to help." God, Light wanted to smile…wanted to laugh…

"Poisoned apple." Light raised an eyebrow as L turned his head away, refusing to look at him.

"You're not making this easy on yourself, are you L?"

"How does one take torture lightly?"

Light had no answer to that, so he ignored it. "I'm not upset, L. I forgive you."

L flinched almost violently at those words, snatching Light's hand off of his shoulder. "Don't…just…don't talk about it."

"Do you _want_ me to be angry?"

"Yes. Bloody hell, Yes!" L snapped, turning back to glare at him. Light schooled himself to be emotionless, but inside he was laughing in triumph.

"Why?"

"I…"L faltered in his anger, and that soft expression; that hurt look came back to his face. It sent a predatory chill through Light, something he'd come to define as the source of the addiction. He had a chance now. A chance to push it away and never look at it again, never allow it to enter his mind.

He missed it.

"You?"

"I…deserve it." L looked away again, his head coming to rest on his arms. Light crowed silently in his victory as he sat up.

"You deserve it?" L gasped as he suddenly yanked to the side, a violent grip at his shoulder hauling him off balance. He hit Light's legs hard, and the hand shifted to his throat, pinning him there. Light stared down at him expressionless, and again, as though Fate herself were conducting, the music fell silent.

"You deserve it…" It wasn't really question, but L nodded anyway. He could hear his heart in his ears and the hand tightened just a fraction. Something flashed in Light's eyes, and then was gone…L recognized it from the last time this hand had held him.

The air locked in his chest as Light leaned down slowly, grazing his lips across the detective's. "You deserve what? The same treatment?"

Light's lips trailed back to his ear, still talking, whispering against his skin. "Do you _want_ me to tie you and have my way with you? I have a great capacity for cruelty L. Perhaps you should reconsider that kind of thinking."

He nipped at the ear gently. "Because I think you have a weakness…and I think I know best how to use it. I think you'd lose, L. I think you'd break in a matter of hours…and that's if I took my time."

God he was right. No more, L had told himself, no more…he wouldn't.

"I think you'd lose yourself, Light-kun." He shivered as Light continued playing with his ear, forcing the words out before he lost himself. "I think you'd be gone long before I was…especially if you cared."

L could feel him freeze. Could feel the slight tightening in the hand as he drew back, could feel the way it shortened his breath. The look on Light's face…murderous, black, and this was why he could never have what Light offered. Hollow excuses for real affection, sick twisted little games that were all too easy to get lost in…

No…never. He knew better now.

"You disgust me." Light lifted him by that grip and shoved him away, swinging off the bed. "You're weak, and I hate you, L. I fucking hate you."

L watched him storm to the door, and raised his voice only once.

"Light!" Light paused despite himself, hovering in the open door.

"That was goodbye…wasn't it?"

His only answer was the sound of the door closing.


	20. Concerto in D Minor

AN- I...I still have nothing to say. I'm sorry, I suppose. Thank you all for reading...from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate each and everyone of you. The big Surprise I promised is in the Epilogue. I hope I've done it justice. -Kani

L only stayed long enough to shut his laptop down before heading to the elevator. Hands in his pockets, he tried to ignore the pang of fear in his chest. That had been a goodbye…it had to have been. He'd shown his hand to Light, and whatever he had planned was going to happen now, without fail. All cards were down.

The elevator doors slid open, and he found himself staring into the eyes of the person that had his mind racing. There was a tense moment… the doors tried to close, but Light held them. L tried to hold his eyes, and found that he didn't want to. He was angry, upset, and hurting in a way that should not have been possible. Dimly, he realized that this had been Light's goal all along…to throw him off balance, mess with his mind. So why not deny him? What right did he have to see into his thoughts, anyway…

Finally, Light stepped to the side and allowed him in. Allowed…hell, it was L's elevator. That was just Light, however, always the commanding persona. He slipped past him and shivered involuntarily in the brief moment that Light was at his back before he situated himself against a wall. The doors slid shut.

Light turned and leaned on them, for a moment, watching him quietly. The elevator seemed to crawl, moving centimeters at a time. It was much too small, much too close, he could even smell Light's cologne, his shampoo…could hear the ticking of his watch. He was upset…L surprised himself by being able to tell the difference. He was angry, but he was the upset kind of angry…the kind where he latched onto anger because he didn't know how else to handle something.

_Welcome to the Confused as Hell Club, Light-kun…give me a week, and I'll have t-shirts made._

The thought of the two of them wearing shirts that proudly proclaimed "Confused" across the chest made him smile a little bit, though he was careful to look at the floor first.

Light didn't know what he was smiling at, but it didn't help his mood. Not at all. L had a talent for taking promising situations and reversing them inside half a minute. One sentence, and he'd sent Light running for the door. Worse, he'd sent him running for the smallest place Light could think of, because being in small places helped him think. He used to crawl under his bed to do his homework as a child. Something of this magnitude brought that back again, and so here he was, doing laps in the elevator. He'd made a grand total of three before L interrupted him. He needed to think. Implying that he cared…is that what he'd talked out of Light? Is that what this was about?

He didn't care. He didn't…he knew better. The idea refused to leave however…it wormed its way in like some form of cancer, because it fit. In reality, it answered his every question… why he did the things he did, why the detective's opinion mattered, why he hesitated when he should have struck…if the detective mattered, it kind of made sense. Still completely unforgivable but...it was sensible at least. God, he wanted to hurt him. If there was something Light was afraid of, it was being unsure of himself, and every moment since he'd woken up on the roof, that's all he'd been. Uncertain. He didn't care. He didn't give a flying fuck about L, and when he died, Light would be glad. He would. This was just another mind game…that's all it was. He'd likely implanted the notion last night, during the session, when he'd been at the detective's mercy.

L didn't have time to time to move, but the change in Light's mood was nearly tangible as the temperature in the small room rose by several degrees with the shift to true anger. He found himself slammed to the wall, and this time, when Light held his throat, there was nothing playful about it. Light was choking him, pinning him to the wall with brute strength as he hissed furiously in his ear.

"I don't know what the fuck you did to me, or how you did it, but it will never, happen, again. Ever. Do you understand me? I don't know how you got into my head, but I'm going to take the time to rip you out. And when I can't remember you anymore, this will be over."

He released him, letting him gasp in a breath before he stole it away again with a brutal kiss. This, this here, this is what he'd wanted…as it happened, L heard that truth click into place in the darker corners of his mind. This was Light, and it didn't matter that he was angry, because he _wanted_. Wanted L, needed to reassure himself that he was in control, and that nothing had changed. L had shaken him that badly.

This, this is what he'd wanted; he could feel it in the way that L just gave beneath him, opened and let him do as pleased. The power of it was unbelievable, to have L submit to him, L, his rival, the greatest detective in the world. This was something he'd never forget, regardless of the sweet lies that he told himself, because L was clutching his shoulders and _fucking kissing him back_. He'd shaken him that badly.

_And such a fine mess of things we've made. _

This time it was Light that forced it deeper, his hand gripping that pale jaw and pulling it apart so that he could slip inside. That sweetness, that taste that was everything he hated, hit his tongue and he about lost his mind. He felt his blood catch fire, could hear his heart in his ears, and this was good. He pressed him back, held him there and forced a knee between his legs. L moaned into his mouth, and that was good too. That meant he knew exactly what Light was doing, and he was still allowing it, still letting him.

It wasn't enough. It just wasn't enough…

He pulled back, tilting L's head to the side, and went for his throat. The detective bucked against him as his teeth met skin lightly, barely touching at all. He was quiet however, and that just wouldn't do, just would not do.

L was dimly aware of Light's hand slipping between them, but he hadn't thought…he hadn't…

Oh _god_.

His knees buckled when Light touched him, a hoarse cry of surprise echoing through the elevator. If Light hadn't held him he'd have been on the floor, long gone, but he wasn't, and that was somehow worse. His breath deserted him. Light palmed him roughly through his jeans, and L loved and hated himself for not being bothered to wear underwear. The grip tightened and L's head went back…

"Light!"

Light felt that cry rock through his bones. Yes…_Yes_…that was L, calling his name, giving him this. He felt his voice, low in his chest, and he didn't care if the detective heard him moan, because this was good enough for now…this is what he'd wanted.

L couldn't think, and it had been too long, too damn long since someone had touched him, and this was Light and that was even better. He couldn't do this, couldn't take that touch, that hand that knew just how to hold him, how hard to press. He felt himself weakly grabbing at his wrist, pulling, because no he couldn't, not yet…

Light released him, finally, but it was only a second's relief. The elevator paused, a low chime ringing through his thoughts, and he stared hazily at the error code on the screen. Light's voice cut him off as he mouthed the sensitive spot just below his ear, and L could feel himself arching into his lips…

"Stuck here…confined to upper floors, remember?" And no, he hadn't remembered, but the knowledge made him shiver again. The elevator would stay here, between floors, until L entered the pass code, or a higher floor was selected. Light was already following his line of thought, leaving L to stare blankly at the red light over his shoulder as the words sunk in.

"Fuck, I could have you here, couldn't I? I could push you to the floor, and you'd just let me…you'd just let me…you'd give me everything…" Light picked him up then, pressing him onto the railing and holding him there. L didn't know if he was right, but then Light took his mouth again and yes, yes he was. Their kiss was harsh, just as wild as their first, and it left L to squirm helplessly as Light ground against his hips, trapped between a wall and the one person he'd never understand. A memory came to him, and he leapt on the idea, feeling L whimper as he performed the trick he'd been questioned about again. Light pulled back again, his breathing ragged, and his hands slipped up L's shirt, running over the smooth skin there. He buried his teeth into the hollow between shoulder and throat, remembering the reaction the last time, and he was repaid four times over as L moaned again, clawing helplessly at his back.

"I hate you, L…I hate you so fucking much, you know that…"

"Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I, oh shit Light, I don't care, but we can't just…Light!" His back arched away from the claws trailing down his bare skin, a leg wrapping around his hips, holding him closer as he bucked.

"Say it again." The order was bitten off, harsh. L growled, turning his mouth to Light's neglected throat instead.

"No, No I won't. How's that, Light? Fuck you, you can at least give me this before I die…"

Light ignored that and pulled the collar of his shirt down, nipping at his neck, and L forgot how to breathe. "We can't do this, L."

"No, we can't…shit, don't bite me there…" His hand, tightening in Light's hair, said otherwise, and Light listened to it instead.

"We need to stop…"

"Then stop fucking kissing me, you idiot." His leg tightened around Light's hips, and the sweet friction did nothing to help either of them slow down. Finally, Light tore away.

"I'm trying…" Light rested his forehead on the detectives shoulder, and tried to regain some control. He backed away, slipping down the wall to the floor. L did the same and they just stared for a moment. Light took in his expression, slightly dazed, with hunger in his eyes and his lips red and nearly bruising. L looked at the color in his cheeks, watched him lick his lips again, and damn him but he almost went crawling across the floor to take them back.

Light smirked when he tore his eyes away.

"Well, then…"

"Indeed."

"Why are you in here, anyway?"

"Small places help me think. Christ I can't breathe…" L leaned his head back, drawing his knees up and trying to regain himself.

"What now?"

"I don't know." L stood shakily, looking at the keypad. Light watched as his finger hesitated over his floor.

"Don't hit that button, L." L glanced at him, seeing warning written in his eyes, and he shivered again. No…not that floor. Not Light's, either. No floor with a bed…they were far too volatile to risk it.

"I…think we should go down."

"Wise." L nodded to himself and keyed the release code. The elevator started moving again, and he returned to his corner, clutching the support rail. Light sighed, running a hand through his hair as he stood. Straightening his tie as the bell rang and the doors slid open, he took a step, but then paused to look at the chaotic, aroused mess that was his most dangerous enemy, and only friend. His expression hardened again.

L met his eyes, his heart slowing steadily with the rush of cool air from the hall. Despite the firestorm he'd just survived, there was no warmth in him now. It was as though it had never existed, and that in itself seemed to mock him.

"That was goodbye." L exhaled slowly, and nodded, pinching the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes, in hope of regaining some scrap of dignity before following Kira out.

XXXX

Soichiro was the only one who stood when they entered, but the rest of the team was obviously concerned. There were frowns, quick glances, and even Matsuda looked slightly put out with the two of them. Call it a father's instinct, but he knew the second the door opened that something drastic had happened…another fight of some kind.

"I started it, Dad." Light offered before L trailed in after him, lost in thought. Soichiro had his arms crossed, and that was all Light needed to see to know that his father was prepared to preach.

"Light…you're going to upset me if this becomes a common occurrence."

"I know. I'm sorry. We apologize for being so late, everyone…truly."

"Late? It's nearing five in the evening." Soichiro returned as his son strolled past.

"I said I'm sorry!" Soichiro drew himself up, and Light had the decency to look ashamed for snapping at his father. Still, it only increased his worry; because it showed that Light was extremely stressed about something…Light rarely ever raised his voice. Light could see it in his father's expression that he wasn't ready to drop it.

"I don't want to talk about it, Dad. Really."

"Nor do I, Yagami-san. Please, allow us to return to our work…the problem will be dealt with soon enough." The pair of geniuses exchanged a glance at that, and Soichiro felt his irritation double.

"Don't let it happen again. I thought something serious had happened…I thought perhaps one of you had been injured. Even Watari has refused to speak to us today." L whirled on him, and Light noticed Rem slipping through a wall to the side. L's eyes were narrowed, his voice absolutely poisonous.

"Watari?" Soichiro looked a little taken aback at this sudden change.

"…Yes. And we've had no computer access, either. We've been doing manual work."

"The computers…." L's eyes were wide as he turned and shoved Light out of the way, flying to his terminal. The rest of the team was listening now. Light spoke up after a moment of furious clicking.

"What is it, Ryuuzaki?"

"The data…it's gone." He voice took on a panicked edge as he slammed to mike on. "Watari?!"

Silence.

"WATARI?!!..." A tense moment passed, and the room lapsed into silence. "No…No you didn't, you bastard."

L's keyboard rang with the force he used to enter codes, keying in cameras, microphones…images sprang to life on the dozens of screens, and L turned in a slow circle, taking in every one. No one moved.

Light hadn't expected Rem to go that far…he truly hadn't. The images showed…nothing. Empty stairwells, the abandoned kitchen that none of them had ever seen before, the laundry room, even Watari's living quarters…

All empty, all silent.

Light picked up on the slight tremble in L's shoulders first, simply because he knew him best. The others weren't close enough to see it, but this was it. The moment he'd been waiting for. His victory.

He hadn't expected it so soon.

"Yagami-san?" L's voice was quiet, hardly there, and he had to clear his throat before he could be heard. "Yagami-san…when did you lose computer access?"

"It was a bit after we returned from Lunch…around two or so, Chief." Matsuda piped up. L felt a wave of sadness rush over him. Watari's office was the only room without security coverage. He had died alone…and he hadn't known.

"Two…close to three hours ago…" L's voice sounded hollow, and he paused briefly, shook himself, turning to look at Light. Light just looked back, completely calm. He'd had no idea Watari was dead, but it fit nicely into his scheme. Rem had obviously taken the extra time to think through her plans a bit, and he supposed he would accept every death as a blessing. He'd only asked for the one. He saw L flinch again, gripping his chair, and it dawned on him…it'd started already.

"Gentlemen…Watari is dead. And I…" He winced again, his knees buckling. Light nearly flinched when he looked up again…those eyes were accusing, heavy.

L could feel his heart seizing. "Where…is Rem?"

The pain came again, and he couldn't help himself as his hand clutched over his heart in an instinctive futile attempt to ease the tension. He sank slowly to his knees, a dull roar in his ears. He heard the truth dawning on the team, heard their shouts, and then Light filled his vision.

Light Yagami, the last person in the world that he wanted to see as he fell into death.

"Go away."

"No." He suddenly realized that Light was frowning. His chest seized again, the pain washing his sight red and white for a moment. He gasped, feeling dizzy, and his body gave out on him. It was Light that caught him as his control slipped away. Light that held his head up. His sight came back to him, and this…this, he supposed, was truly winning.

Seeing Light Yagami look this human.

There was pain in his eyes…real pain at least, if not regret or sadness. He felt this was necessary, believed it with all his heart. And sick, twisted games aside…L couldn't really blame him for that.

_I've won._

There was no fear, no shock on Light's face as he called out, but the team didn't know that. The face could have belonged to another person; for all that panicked voice matched it. "Ryuuzaki?!"

They couldn't see the perfectly calm eyes looking down into his. Light nodded once, barely perceptible, and then that small smirk, the Kira smile, graced his lips. L knew it to be a lie…perhaps Light thought he couldn't see after that first blackout. L gathered his remaining strength and whispered into the noise, both the team's and the ringing in his ears.

"…Thank you…for catching…" His vision blacked out again as his heart seized a final time. He saw Light nod once again, and his lips quirked in a small grin as he heard his heart stop.

Four seconds in the black, with strong arms around his shoulders.

_I wasn't wrong…_

_I knew it…_

_I've won…_

_But…I…_

"RYUUZAKI!"

_I didn't mean to._

XXXX_  
_

**Epilogue**

A year to date. L watched Matsuda shut the door behind him before heading to the mini fridge beside the desk. One year. He leaned down, pulling a box from the shelf and then returned to his seat. He'd bought this a week in advance, not entirely sure what he was doing. He hadn't realized until three days ago that almost a year had passed.

But that was a lie.

He remembered. The sweet-rice sake was almost the perfect compliment to everything he'd lost that day. He considered it his greatest moment, really, to be there when L passed away. To watch the black fire of his eyes dim, then fade away completely. He opened the bottle and poured the thick alcohol into a glass. A single shot, and really, the first alcohol he'd ever had. He'd tried it with his father once, when his grandfather passed away, but it hadn't struck him as something worth doing twice.

Sake was associated with death for him, however. He supposed that it was appropriate.

The sake was supposed to be chilled, and was at once sweet and bitter. It burned long after it hit the stomach, lingering with an icy fire that others lacked. L…L to perfection.

He toasted the air and knocked back his shot, the motion reminding him of the time L almost overdosed on ibuprofen because his head hurt. The start of everything…no, that was a lie too. It'd started long before then…perhaps that was just when he'd made it known.

The sake burned. Light stared at his screen blankly for a long moment, still unsure if he was mourning or celebrating. Misa would be expecting him home soon…he was glad he put up the pretense of working late so often.

His screen flickered, and Light frowned.

A window opened, and Light stared in shock as L appeared onscreen. He frowned out at Light, then reached forward and adjusted something. A camera, Light realized, perched on top of his laptop. He moved back, satisfied, and sat on the edge of the bed. The laptop was perched on the desk, and the room was lit by the lamp Light used to read by. He swallowed thickly…he'd never been back in that room.

"Light-kun…" He paused, frowning, and started again. "Light…", Light's hand fisted around his sake glass.

"Light, if you are receiving this, then I am dead, obviously. If not, I would have deleted this. In truth I don't know my purpose in leaving you this message…. I suppose that I am a romantic at heart, and I do not care if it is cliché." L ran a hand through his hair, sighing.

"In case you are wondering, it is the day of…of the session. I have just left you sleeping in the chair. I could not bring myself to wake you. I'm doing this because I know that I will not be able to forgive myself fast enough to tell you what I need to before something happens. In the event that you manage to kill me, I wanted to make sure that you heard it anyway.

"I wanted you to know, Light, that I regret it. I regret ever laying a hand on you with the intent to cause pain." Light felt his throat tighten, staring into dark eyes that didn't really see him.

"I wanted you to know that you mattered too. You were my first friend, and you were an amazing person. Quite possibly the singular most powerful person I'd ever met." L reached off screen, between his feet, and pulled up a black case. He talked as he worked, laying it open beside him on the bed.

"I wanted you to know that I forgive you. I forgive you for the game, for the lies, and even I suppose, my death. I cannot forgive you Kira…but those, I must let go." Light watched as he set the beautiful crimson violin to his chin.

"You may be wondering what happened to your gift once I passed on. I confess, Light, that after this, I intend to destroy it. I'll likely throw it off the roof. I intend to play it only once…and I am aware that this might by my last time to ever lay hand on a violin." L smiled gently at the fine instrument in hands.

"I wanted you to know that this is the most glorious violin I have ever had the honor to play. And on that note…" Light watched as his eyes rolled to the ceiling, contemplating his next few words. His heart gave an unsteady lurch.

"On that note, I want you to know that I am playing for Light Yagami. Not Kira…I play for you now, Light…because I am glad we were friends. Goodbye."

The opening notes started, and Light's chest ached…the sake glass rolled away, clattered to the floor.

He heard nothing but the opening bars of Bach's Concerto in D Minor.


End file.
